Hitting the Hay - Sue

"Tell me again why we're doing this, Chief?" Jim asked in an exasperated voice.

Blair ran his hand soothingly up and down a tense arm. "We're doing this because Simon promised Daryl fresh apple cider for his Halloween party, and I love apple orchards! Come on, man, loosen up. You'll love this! Have I ever steered you wrong?"

Jim rolled his eyes. "Do you really want me to answer that? Do I have to mention the incident in the park? The fire department still razzes me about having to rescue a big bad cop from the kiddy slide!"

"Hey, be fair! How was I supposed to know that the slide was that narrow in the tube?" Blair was unable to hold back a giggle at the memory. "Besides, it was only supposed to be one station. Is it my fault they called in every available company when they found out it was you?"

"Chief, you posed for pictures! It was bad enough that they called the press, but you posed for the picture of me trapped in a stupid kiddy slide! It was on the front page! And then you bought a copy for every cop on the floor!"

"Okay, okay...well, this is different. I promise, no trouble."

Blair slid his arms around Jim's neck and pressed a kiss on willing lips. "Now come on, big guy, let's go torture Simon."

***

Cascade Groves Apple Orchard was very busy. It seemed everyone had decided to take advantage of an unusually balmy fall day to visit the orchard. Simon Banks, the feared and respected captain of Major Crimes, had a feeling he was going to regret bringing his favorite detective and observer with him. He wasn't sure why--it could have been the way they had bickered over who got the front seat. Or maybe it was the way they were shoving each other back and forth now.

"No, we're not"

"Yes, we are!"

"No, we're not!

"I said...YES, WE ARE!"

"NO, WE'RE..."

"Gentlemen, or should I say, children! Would you two like to explain what you're fighting about this time?" Simon asked in his most irritated 'daddy' voice.

"I want to..." "He wants me to..."

"One at a time, please. Go ahead, Sandburg."

"I want Jim to go on the hayride with me. I love them and he's never been on one. He says they're just for kids."

Simon rolled his eyes. He wondered if they would ever grow up. Or if they saved this behavior just for him. He glared at them suspiciously. It would be just like them to see if they could drive him crazy!

"Simon, look over there. Do you see any adults on the hayride? All I see are little kids! I'm not gonna be the laughing stock of the department again!"

"Jim, do you want to ride it? If you want to do it, then do it! Don't worry about people laughing at you. Laugh with them. You might actually like it!" Blair gave Jim his best puppy dog look.

As predicted, Jim caved. He never could resist that look. He turned and headed towards the wagon that was being pulled by two very large horses. With a happy whoop, Blair followed him.

They climbed into the straw-filled wagon and found a seat in a corner. They glanced around as 8 small children stared at them.

"Hey mister, how come you're riding with us? You're not kids!"

"Yeah, you're grownups. Grownups don't supposed to do fun stuff!"

"Why not?" Blair smiled at the curious kids. "Adults like to have fun, too. Sometimes they just forget how."

Eight suspicious heads drew together for a whispered conference. Finally, a redheaded girl who seemed to be the designated spokeskid, glanced at them.

"Our folks said to be careful of strangers. And you both look kinda strange to us."

Jim reached carefully into his pocket and pulled out his badge. He showed it to the children. "My name is Jim and this is Blair. Your parents are right, you shouldn't talk to strangers. But I'm a policeman. And Blair is my partner. So it's okay, we're the good guys."

"My daddy says policemens are pigs. My daddy says the only thing pigs are good for is squealing and bacon."

"Is that what your daddy says? What's your daddy's name?" Jim pulled out a notepad and pen.

Blair nudged him in the ribs. "Chill, dude, chill. They're just kids. We're here for fun. You remember fun, right?"

"Are you gonna arrest my daddy?" a tear-filled voice asked. Suddenly there were eight sets of tear-filled eyes looking at Jim.

"See what you did, Jim? Fix it!"

"What I did? You're the one who dragged me on this hayride!" Jim grabbed a handful of hay and threw it at Blair's face.

Blair shook the loose pieces of hay from his hair.

"I suppose you know that this means war!"

He grabbed a double handful of hay and, jumping on Jim, shoved it down his shirt.

The children looked on in wide-eyed amazement. Suddenly, the air was filled with flying straw as Jim and Blair threw handful after handful of hay at each other. Their tears forgotten, the children drew back into a corner out of the line of fire. Finally, Jim used brute force to shove Blair down and bury him in hay.

Jim stopped and looked up as he realized the wagon had stopped moving. He looked over and saw the stern-faced driver looking at him with disapproval. Jim dropped the hay he still had in his hands.

"Hey, Scarecrow, I think we're in trouble!"

"Ha ha, you're so funny, Jim!"

Blair peeked at the driver.

"I think you're right."

The driver shook his head and said, "Didn't we tell you no horse play on the wagon? Did you 'children' forget? Well, if you're gonna act up like kids, I guess I'm gonna have to talk to your parents. Now, what are your names?"

Jim and Blair looked at each other and smiled evilly.

***

Simon smiled at the cashier as he paid for the apple cider and freshly made donuts. He was beginning to believe that he'd been wrong. Maybe he could do something with the trouble twins and not have any problems. Just then a voice came over the loud speaker...

"Would the father of Jim and Blair Banks please report to the hayride location. Would Simon Banks please come and retrieve his children from the hayride."

The End.

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Author�s Acknowledgements: This is for Patt, cuz when I said I WASN'T writing a sequel, she said "so how about more Simon torture". I couldn't resist the puppy dog eyes. And for Mary, the bestest beta around. Thanks for making me look better than I really am.