Garrett Benjamin - January 24, 2006

I've had a hard time writing our birth story. Perhaps it's because my own memory of labor is truly the only record we have... there are no pictures to show or other points of view to share. I want to write more than the facts. I want to tell how it felt and let you be in awe of God's goodness, just as I was.

You could say that my body was thinking about having a baby when I went to bed that night. I'd had lots of Braxton Hicks throughout my pregnancy but none that day until bedtime. I'd often go to sleep with those painless contractions and they'd always go away as I rested. This night they persisted, getting more annoying over the next few hours. I slept as much as I could.

At one point Eliana woke up. We snuggled for awhile in my bed:) She wasn't falling back to sleep and I needed rest, so I put her back in her bed. She went right to sleep then. Derek came to bed shortly after.

Around 3 am the 'Braxton Hicks' were distracting enough that I could call them early labor. I woke Derek to tell him that maybe things were happening. It was too soon to know for sure. We talked quietly for awhile, he gave me a nice backrub, then we decided he should go back to sleep. He was willing to stay up if I wanted him to, but no, I wanted to sleep more too.

I did try to sleep. I don't like contractions laying down. But this was such early labor, I didn't want to actually get up. I decided to take a bath. Derek watched me have a contraction as I prepared for my bath and commented that it definitely looked like labor. I brushed it off. It was still very early. I felt so perfect between contractions that I'd start to wonder if they'd stopped.

I took my hot bath by candlelight... it was wonderful:) As I soaked I thought about labor. As a man labors to provide food and shelter for his family, so a woman labors to have a child. The worst pain imaginable? No, certainly not. I am not afraid. It is merely hard work.

The contractions were stronger. I had to consciously relax through them. I started to wonder if this was really worth the trouble... do I really want to feel it all if I don't have to? But yes... I do. Not to be a super-woman. Just for myself. I know I can do it. "Purebirth is not a cry or demand for perfection. There have been enough demands made of women already. Purebirth can be long and loud. It can be painful, and it can withstand pain as well as periods of tension and impatience. But it is pure because it is our own. It is not Pitocin's labor or Demerol's labor or the doctor's labor. It is something that we do ourselves, for ourselves, and for our babies." (Silent Knife by Nancy Cohen and Lois Estner)

In the quiet of the night, in the flickering candlelight, I became determined to make this a wonderful memory. It could be hours or even all day until our baby was born. The power of the contractions might be overwhelming and exhausting by the end, but I would look back and say it was beautiful. This was my son's birthday.

By now my tub water was getting chilly. I got out and dressed in comfortable clothes. It was about 5 am. I knew this was labor now but figured I might as well wait till daylight to wake people up. There would be plenty of time. I drank some water and lit a second candle as I swayed my hips or squatted through a few easy contractions.

I had a cheap exercise ball ready for just this time. I set my candles down, picked up my journal that I am writing for Garrett, and sat on the ball.

Wow, the next contraction caught me off-guard. Must be sitting on the ball, I figured. Some positions just aren't comfortable. I had no better place to sit with the candles nearby, so I just stayed there. It was bearable. I timed contractions for the first time. 5:12, 5:17, 5:22... well, they were 5 minutes apart all day when Eliana was born. No big deal. These were really short, about 30 seconds long.

They did start without much warning. With Eliana I had time to completely let go and relax my whole body. These kept surprising me. I would try to relax or rock on the ball and then they'd stop almost as quickly as they'd begun. And I'd go back to writing.

5:30, 5:33... those were close...

5:35... well, that was just a small one, it hardly counts.

I was feeling tired and wanted to lay my head down. Not wanting to really lay down, I set the journal aside and sat on the floor next to the couch so I could rest my head on the cushions. Maybe I could sneak some more sleep before labor really got going.

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