The (Short) Life of Laurie Lynn
Laurie was just too tiny to stay in this world very long.  I had just a few precious days to spend with her.  I've finished wondering why she was born early, or why she was born, only to die so soon afterwards.

Literally and truly, she died of domestic violence.  During an argument, he hit me in the stomach and this is probably what triggered labor.  For this, I don't believe I will ever forgive.

Those five short days I got to spend with Laurie will forever be among the most precious I will have.
Laurie's tiny foot, 2 days old
Laurie spent her life in the NICU, but much of her time was spent in my arms and resting on my chest.  She was held as much as the nurses would allow me.  We were involved with Kangaroo Care, which is a treatment used for preemies that involves skin-to-skin contact.  I spent the whole time in the hospital, holding her tiny self right over my heart.  Her body fit in my cupped hand.  Laurie liked to be rocked back and forth--I spent those few nights with Laurie, pacing the floors as far as her oxygen, heart monitor, and IV's would allow me to roam.  Laurie had so much dark hair!!  I wondered what she would have looked like had she been born at term.  I hoped I would see her in late July, which is when she was due, at a healthy seven or eight pounds.  Laurie was tiny, but she was strong.  Even the doctors commented on how determined she seemed.  Her odds looked good for a couple of days.

At three days old, Laurie developed an intestinal infection, as well as a "kink" in her digestive tract that required surgery.  At this point, Laurie barely weighed one pound, and was really beginning to struggle for her life.  Surgery was going to be long and hard, followed by a long recovery--and this was all IF she survived.  In a critical two minutes time, I pondered my daughter, cupped just below my chin.  And I decided not to put her through this.  This was the hardest decision I've ever made or hope to make in my life.  No one should have to make a choice like this.

Without surgery, Laurie grew sick rapidly.  On April 19, I signed for her life support to be shut off.  I sat with Laurie in a rocking chair, without tubes for the first time, concentrating on tracking her breathing, which was barely detectable at best.  Twenty minutes after she was separated from life support, Laurie died in my arms.

I cannot begin to explain what these last few minutes with Laurie were like.  It's definitely the most emotion I've felt compressed into only a few minutes.  Whatever it was that sustains us all, the Breath of Life, if you will, slowly faded away.
Laurie was cremated, and later, her ashes were strewn on the coast of Friday Harbor.
This picture is not of Laurie (in case you couldn't tell)--this is a picture by Anne Geddes.  But it reminds me of my "pearl," Laurie and it shows how peacefully she sleeps.
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To read about Laurie's twin sisters, click HERE
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