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I'm a celebrity
don't watch me on tv cos i'm a big looser poopy face |
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Hmm well have you been watching this programme? If you have you should be ashamed of yourself and should go and immerse yourself in a big bowl of poo |
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Send an ecard with peter pandy andre on it looking really really greasy |
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A diary of the jungle!! |
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Join me peter andre skank-face as we have a look at some unseen un-cut exclusive diaries taken from the jungle poop contestants. Sorry if I grab my balls alot I am a bit itchy I think I might have CRABS. |
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Alex Betsy |
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"I can't believe how crap this fucking jungle is, I havent even got any more bleach to put in my hair and this red lipstick just isnt staying on in the seawater. I think its so unpractical here for fucks sake. Put the kettle on george Iggy pop is coming over for tea and biccies" |
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Peter poop says: What do you bloody well expect we are in a jungle and I normally just wear lipbalm its alot more natural and works better with my complextion/orange/skin |
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Jennie Pond |
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"I tried to read the news once whilst I was on the island cos I was so bored but I just ended up talking to myslef because everyone had left by the time I'd stopped" |
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Peter poop says: Look penny you've really got to sort your life out. try reading the news to yourself in front of your cat or pet lizzards/rats, they might even laugh at you behind your back instead of infront of your face. |
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Kerry McCHIPFACE |
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" I really really like making big plates of greasy fish and chips. Sometimes I even use the fat and greasy oil to give to peter, he can use it on his plastic body." |
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Peter poop says: Yes thankyou kerry for telling everyone I use chip fat for my sexy body I really appreciate that you fancy me because I really am sexy even though I think I have knits. |
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John London |
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"If I make my face look really ugly maybe people will think I'm a prick...oh wait people already think that. I like snorting cocaine off a lump of cheese ha ha ha I'm so fucking mad" |
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Peter poop says:
No john you are a complete prick and you should try snorting off a large piece of cod. You look like an ostrich. |
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Jordon |
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"When I was in the jungle I well kept getting itchy ears and my hooves were really killing me in high-heels! I found though that my eyelashes became longer and I think my poofy tail was really impressive to peter" |
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Peter poop says:
God yeah I well fancy that jordon, shes really furry and I like the fact that her ears are pointy. |
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Well folks thats it from the jungle I hope you really enjoyed watching the celbritys sounding like wankers and seeing jordon with just fur on! I'm off to go visit madame tussards so I can compare my skin to their waxy exteriors. Mmmmmmm |
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"oh-oh-oh-a-wooo mysterious llama I wanna get close to you" |
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An ode to Peter pandy wandy wank |
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Oh peter you wanky hanky panky poo,
I actually used to like you, (when I was 8)
But then I went to see you in concert,
And you kepy grabbing your balls (gate)
So I decided I didnt like you anymore,
And I still think youre very greasy,
And if you keep tanning yourself,
Youre going to end looking like a carrot (a bit like david dickinson-seee).
So just go home you silly peter face,
And look after your pet rats,
Because thats all you have in your life,
other than those mouse traps. |
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