> in the spring of 2003, my mom was diagnosed with a rare cancer in her
upper
> palate, which had gotten into some of her bone, and very close to her
skull
> bone. it had also got into her right sinus.she had surgery on august the
8th
> 2003. the surgon had told us that it would be a difficult surgery because
it
> was so close to her skull bone and if it was into it, there would be
nothing
> he could do. but he said he thought he had got it all. she would need
> radiation and would have a difficult recovery and on going care. my mom
was
> also suffering with alzheimers so she was unable to take care of herself
and
> do the things needed to take care of the hole in the top of her mouth, and
> the prostisis which she had to wear to allow her to talk somewhat plainly
> and allow her to eat and drink without it coming out of her nose. her
mouth
> and prostisis had to be cleaned 5 times a day and she had to do two sheets
> of  painful exercises 3 times a day to keep her mouth from closing up to
the
> point where we couldn't get her prostisis in. so me and my 3 sisters took
> turns staying with her. i have one sister who lives at home so she stayed
> with them until she went to work on second shift and mom and dad would
stay
> by their selves until me or one of my other sisters got there a couple of
> hours later. mom went through her radiation and finished it up in december
> of 2003, it seemed God had answered our prayers.

 but in january of 2004 i
> noticed a sore in her mouth as i was cleaning it one day. she returned to
> the doctor and he said the cancer had come back, that it was apparently
> resistant to radiation and that there was really nothing else he could do,
> he had taken out so much of her mouth there wasn't much left to take out
and
> chemo wouldn't cure it, only shrink it, prolonging the suffering. mom
really
> didn't understand much of what was going on, but dad really took the news
> hard.
> our arrangement of taking turns staying with mom seemed to be working well
> until one day while they were by their selves during the gap between when
my
> sister left for work and one of us got there, mom left while dad was in a
> nother room. dad looked all over the neighborhood for her, finally a
> neighbor found her and brought her back. the doctor had put her on hospice
> care so they paid for a lady to come and sit with my parents until me or
one
> of my sisters could get there. this helped out a lot. it didn't seem like
> the cancer was growing that fast, at times it would bleed, and mom's jaw
was
> swollen and hurting her constantly. the combination of alzhiemers and the
> cancer and pain medicine had her confused even more and restless. she
> couldn't sleep well, she would be up and down at all hours of the night.
up
> until this time she really hadn't had much trouble remembering who i was,
> but now many times she would introduce me as her brother instead of her
son.
> it began to be difficult to get her to open her mouth like was needed to
> clean her mouth, she just couldn't understand exactly what you wanted her
to
> do and then sometimes it just hurt her so much to try. we knew it was a
> matter of time until she would die, wheather from the alzhiemers or the
> cancer unless The Lord interviened in the situation. 

every night when i
> would stay with my parents when they would go to bed, we would all pray
> together. mom's prayers always touched my heart because despite the great
> pain she was in i never heard her ask why, or even ask to be spared from
the
> pain, but her prayers were always prayers of thanks and praise. prayers
for
> her kids and grandkids, her neighbors, our church and pastor and others
who
> had needs. her prayers were so selfless, always thanking God for his
> blessings, yet never complaining about her circumstances.

> on sunday, june 13 mom was sitting in her recliner, where she spent the
> majority of her time, eating lunch. me and my wife and kids, and dad were
> eating lunch in the kitchen and my sister had went into the other room for
a
> second when mom decided to get up and she fell. my sister, being a nurse
> checked her out and she said she didn't think anything was broke but mom
was
> in a lot of pain. we got her into bed but it was hard because she was so
> sore. my sister decided it would be good to get hospice to bring a
hospital
> bed to the house because it would be easier getting her in and out of the
> bed.
> on monday i got a call from the sitter while at work, she said mom wanted
> her to call me, she said mom said she was dying and i would know what to
do.
> although i was concerned, i really thought she was just hurting from the
> fall the day before, i figured i'd give her some pain medication and she
> would be ok. when i got there, she seemed to recognise me better than
usual,
> she told me she thought she was dying and that she wanted all her kids
with
> her when she died. and she asked me to pray for her. i told her i thought
> she was just sore from the fall and after she took her medicine and rested
a
> while, she would feel better. on tuesday night my sister just had to work
> for a couple of hours so i didn't stay the night as i usually did.  mom
was
> really drowsy and when my sister got home we helped her into the newly
> delievered hospital bed. little did i know it would be the last time i
would
> ever see her outside of that bed in this life. 

in the next days i would
see
> many ways in which the hand of God was in this situation.
> on thursday the 17th of june i had taken off of work, my daughter had a
> doctors appointment on that day around lunch time, but something, no doubt
> the holy spirit, told me to just stay out of work instead of working until
> lunch as i had planned. i had just gotten up when i recieved a call from
my
> sister, mom wasn't responding and her pulse was weak and irregular, i woke
> my daughter up and rushed over to the house. the rest of the family began
to
> arrive and i called our pastor, Dr. Marlon Thomas and our assistant pastor
> Bro. Scott Culpepper and they came straight over. after a while the
hospice
> nurse arrived and checked her vitals, she said the end was nearing and she
> didn't think it would be long, just a matter of time. she told us what to
> expect and what to look for. a couple of the signs she said to look for
was
> cold extremities, periods of apnea, and shallow breathing, and dropping
> blood pressure. she also told us although she was unresponsive, that she
> could still hear us and understand when we talked to her and that it would
> be good to talk to her and especially if we had anything we wanted to say
to
> her before her death. many of our extended family would come and stay for
a
> while over the next few days, in addition to members of our church family
> and the pastor and assistant pastor. but me, my daughter, my dad, my
sisters
> kathy, brenda, becky and her husband gary and daughter amber and my neice
> michele and her husband dwayne would stay without leaving until the end.
> this was another way God had his hand in this situation, my neice michele,
> being a nurse midwife works long hours and is always on call, but she had
> planned a vacation and took off for two weeks, beganing on the 14th.The
Lord
> had worked it out to have her there to help us with mom's care. there was
so
> much love shown by our family and church family during the next few days,
> their visits brought much comfort in addition to their prayers, meals,
> errands run etc... it was a blessing and help which we are very thankful
> for. anyway, back to thursday. as we sat around mom's bed side, praying,
> crying and talking to her. i was trying to think of anything i might
regret
> not telling her or saying to her and doing it at this point. although i
had
> apologized to her many times before for the things i did when i was a
> teenager and out in sin, i tried to apologized again for everything i
could
> think of and to make sure she knew that i loved her and that i thought she
> was the best mom a son could ever have. after a while our assistant pastor
> told us how as his mother died he had sung to her and it seemed to ease
her,
> he suggested we sing to mom. he knew i sang in our church. my sister
brenda
> plays the piano at her church so she played and sang with me. before long
my
> youngest sister joined in and we sang together for the first time, as we
all
> went to different churches. although it was hard and painful to sing
through
> our tears suddenly the Spirit of God came on the scene. we were singing
and
> basically having service there in that living room at my mothers bed side.
> there was a unexplainable peace in my heart and the more we sang, it
seemed
> the stronger the peace became. after a while of singing for the first time
> all day mom was trying to speak! she was kind of in and out and very weak
> and you couldn't understand much of what she was trying to say because she
> didn't have her prostisis in her mouth, but she was deffently responding
> now! at one point we could tell she was trying to sing something too!!
> but as the night went on, her tempature began to rise and we could tell
she
> was in pain, moaning and groaning and also, the hospice nurse had told us
> you could tell when her pain level went up by how fast her pulse was. we
> were giving her as much pain medicine as possible to try to keep her
> comfortable but nothing was working. but no doubt my mom was getting
better
> care than most people in this situation because my two oldest sisters are
> rn's and my neice is a nurse midwife. i doubt she would have recieved
better
> care if she had been in the intensive care unit of the hospital. she had
the
> constant care of 3 nurses plus the rest of her family. we checked her temp
> it was 103, no wonder she was in so much pain. so we began to alternate
> between giving her tylonol and advil to bring her temp down. we cooled
> cloths and put them on her and fanned her but it just wouldn't come down.
> her pain was reaching an extreme, she was moaning and jerking and we were
> crying and telling her it was ok for her to die, that we would be ok and
> that we would take care of dad, we told her she didn't have to hang on we
> didn't want to see her suffer. we cried out to God to have mercy on her,
to
> spare her this pain. seeing my mother in this much pain was most likely
what
> it took to get me to the place where i could let her go, i knew God could
> heal her at any time, i knew it wasn't too late but i also knew if he
> answered my prayer and delievered her this time, she would still
eventually
> have to keep her appointment with death as we all will. i realized that
God
> knows best and that he would do right. he would do what is for our good
and
> his glory even if it was through ways we didn't understand. i still prayed
> for her healing, but for maybe the first time i just put it all in Gods
> hands and said yes, i would love it if you healed her but not my will but
> thine be done, glorify yourself in this situation.
> finally around dawn, her temp came down to about 99 and her pulse slowed,
> signaling that her pain level had dropped. she was resting, but now again
> completely unresponsive. i think that her high tempature which was 103
under
> her arm but most likely closer to 104 or higher had affected her and now
she
> was in kind of a coma. the whole family, but especially "the nurses" my
> oldest sisters and my neice, had really worked hard to take care of mom
and
> continued to do so over the next few days. they gave her medicine, which
had
> to be liquified to drip down her throat, because she was no longer able to
> swallow anything. it had to be done slowly to keep from choking her as did
> the water which we gave her through a dropper. they bathed her, rolled her
> from side to side to prevent bed sores, kept a check of her vitals
etc...we
> continued to pray, to sing, to talk to her. none of us children were
> leaving, but staying with mom all the way. my 12 year old daughter stayed
> with me also which was a blessing, i was missing my wife, who had to stay
> with my youngest son, a 20 month old. she would come over for a while, but
> of course my son didn't understand what was going on and would get kind of
> rowdy and she would have to take him home. the rest of us were living on
> very little sleep, from the 16th to the 20th of june we might have
averaged
> a bout one half hour to an hour of sleep a night and this was usually in a
> chair by mom's bed while someone else stayed awake. we were exausted and
we
> finally decided we had to try to sleep longer not only for our own health
> but that we would be better able to care for mom. we decided to take 3
hour
> shifts sleeping at night at all times one of the "nurses" would be with
mom,
> plus one of us "regular" kids. but i didn't want to sleep any longer than
a
> couple of hours. i was so afraid that mom would die while i was sleeping
and
> i wanted to be with her when she stepped over into eternity.
> all of mom's grandchildren had come to see her except for her oldest
> grandson. his wife and daughter had come but he said he didn't think he
> could stand to see her in the shape she was in. also all of mom's brothers
> and sisters had come except for her oldest living brother who felt the
same
> way as her grandson. many times as i prayed, i prayed God would touch
their
> hearts and let them come, not only for mom, but i knew one day if they
> didn't come see her, they would have regrets.God answered this prayer and
> they both came to see her right before she died.

 when they would bathe mom
> and turn her i would go outside for a break, i would pray for wisdom to
help
> mom, for God to do that which would be best for his glory and for our
good,
> and for his help with our family. i would also pray that God would allow
her
> to come out of this coma and speak to us one more time. i wanted to hear
my
> mom's voice one more time. i know God knows our heart but i would pray
with
> my lips, just let her say anything, i don't care what, let her praise you
or
> whatever, just let her come out of it and say anything to us one more
time.
> but in my heart i wanted to hear her say my name, to let me know she loved
> me, she forgave me for my past when i was in sin, just to hear my name on
> her lips one more time. i wouldn't pray this with my lips, i thought it
> sounded selfish, after all i was just one of four kids, it wouldn't be
right
> to pray for her to just say my name. but in my heart i felt that i really
> needed this.

> mom's breathing was getting shallower, sometimes taking as much as 12
> seconds between breaths. we continued to fight the tempature and keep her
> pain down. on the 21st,monday my cousin patsy connor  came to spend the
> night and sit with mom. she is the daughter of the late evangelist Edgar
> Thomas and had lost her own daughter to cancer a couple of years earlier.
> she had been through this before and insisted that we get some rest and
let
> her take care of mom. most everyone slept for about 4 or 5 hours, but not
at
> the same time. and for the first time since it all started i got 3 hours
> sleep. patsy was a gift from God. i woke up around midnight and stayed up
> the rest of the night sitting with her around mom's bed talking. she
brought
> such comfort and insight that only someone who has been through something
> like that can. we talked of her daughter jill and the things which brought
> her comfort during her death. we talked of how many times we don't
> understand what God is doing but how he see's the beginning and the end of
> every situation and is working it all out for good even when we don't
> understand. when she left wednesday morning to go home she gave me a tape
> which she said gave her comfort during jill's death, a sermon by her dad,
> Bro. Edgar titled "the death of the righteous" we had a wonderful time of
> fellowship that night discussing the things of God and the scriptures and
> The Lord greatly used her to bring comfort and peace to my heart.
> mom's bloodpressure started dropping and we knew it wouldn't be much
longer.
> she had been able to get very little water in the last 7 days, through the
> dropper, it was just a matter of time.

 it was wednesday night, the 22nd,
we
> were just so exhausted we couldn't go on any more and everyone was asleep
> except for me and my middle sister kathy. as i sat in the chair beside her
> bed i found myself began to dose off, i would force myself to wake up and
> then dose off again, i was fighting sleep. suddenly my sister exclaimed
> "Marlon! she said your name!". i jumpped up from the chair and moved
closer
> to her and sure enough she was trying to say my name! everyone else began
to
> wake up and gathered around. we couldn't understand everything she was
> trying to say but we had no doubt she kept repeating my name over and
over.
> God saw the need of my heart and answered the need instead of the prayer
of
> my lips! this was at about 5 minutes until midnight on wednesday. my dad
had
> had several small strokes and because of this he became confused often and
> with the lack of sleep he had been worse. i asked my sisters if they
thought
> we should wake dad up, they said no, let him sleep he needed it. mom tried
> to speak to us for the next 40 minutes at about 12:30 am we heard my dad
> getting up out of bed and coming down the hallway. i heard my youngest
> sister say if dad comes in and see's her, she'll die, it might be all
she's
> waiting on. my dad came in and came over to her bed side and talked to
her.
> after mom had gotten sick, she would sit in her chair and when dad would
> come by, she would say "don't you walk by me without giving me a kiss" so
as
> dad stood by her bedside he asked her if she wanted a hug, she said no and
> shook her head and then puckered up her lips for him to kiss her. he
talked
> with her for about 5 minutes as us kids all stood around her bed. again
God
> had answered my prayer as she spoke to us for 40 minutes!

 and then at
12:36
> am on wednesday june 23, he answered her prayer and she died with all her
> kids by her side.
> when it happened, we all took it bad but then almost immediately i started
> to experience an unexplainable peace. i had read many times of the peace
of
> God which passeth all understanding, but it is one thing to read of it, a
> nother thing to experience it. from the time i was small i had feared
> loosing my parents, i always thought it would be more than i could bear, i
> thought surely i would loose my mind when it happened but the peace and
> comfort of the Holy Spirit was so strong it truly amazed me! yes my heart
> was breaking, but there was a strength which held me up, not of my self,
but
> of God.
> he continued to send comfort.

 just after she died we found a poem in her
> bible intitled "safely home" it just really spoke to our hearts. i asked
my dad why he got up when he did, he said someone told him to get up. at the
time everyone was around mom's bed it wasn't any of us who told him to get
up, no doubt again, it was The Lord!
> another prayer that was answered concerned our assistant pastor Bro Scott
> Culpepper. he had known my mom and dad for over 30 years, he had retired
as
> our pastor after 12 years and then was asked by our new pastor to stay on
as
> his assistant. there was no doubt that my mom wanted Bro. Scott to preach
> her funeral  but when we had called and he came over on the 14th he had
told
> us that a nother member of our church who had also been sick with cancer
was
> about to die and that he had promised to preach his funeral several months
> ago. it would be in ohio, whereas we live in georgia. he was really
> agonizing over this because even though he loved this brother who was
dying,
> he hadn't known him but for a few years and had been close to mom and dad
> for over 30. he said he didn't know what he would do if they died around
the
> same time he was torn and his heart was heavy. i told him, brother, don't
> worry about it God will work it all out. the brother at church died on the
> 18th that friday and they had to ship his body to ohio. me and his son
work
> together in addition to going to church together so i had been calling and
> checking on him and he on me. he called me before he left on sunday to go
to
> ohio and told me he was going to tell Bro. Scott to just stay here with us
> and he would get someone else to take care of his dad's service. he said
he
> knew that was what his dad would have wanted because he knew how close
Bro.
> Scott was to my parents. but i told him no, to let Bro Scott go ahead that
> The Lord would take care of everything and work it all out. by the time
> everyone would get to ohio and they could have the funeral it would be
> thursday the 24th the day after mom died. praise God! Gods timing was
> perfect Bro. Scott drove halfway home and stayed overnight in a motel,
then
> drove the rest of the way the next day to make it in time to preach mom's
> funeral. also taking part in the funeral was my aunt's pastor who had been
> faithful to pray and visit mom all through her sickness, Bro. Mike Taylor
> and our pastor, Dr. Marlon Thomas. 

before my mom had got sick she had told
> my daughter that when she died she wanted me to sing at her funeral. i
knew
> i couldn't do it without Gods help and strength so i prayed over the next
> couple of days seeking his help, i wanted to honor my mom's request, even
if
> it was just for one song. i chose Beulah Land and asked my pastor and a
lady
> from our church to help me with the chorus. again the mighty hand of God
> upheald me as i sang, i again experienced his great peace in my heart and
it
> wasnt until i stepped off the platform that i broke down in tears, a
mixture
> of sorrow, and joy for what the lord had just accomplished! 

God was not
> finished working, we had been a pretty close family all along but in the
> nine days we spent together non-stop God strengthened our relationships
and
> brought us much closer as a family and renewed a stronger bond of love
> between us. we are now closer than ever.
 for me, my faith has been strengthened, true God didn't see fit to heal mom and answer my prayer in that way, but no doubt
i saw the hand of God move in these circumstances. i experienced his grace,
> his presence and his peace. i saw some of the good which has come about
> through this situation and  some of the good we may never realize until we
> get to heaven. and i learned to never leave anything unsaid, or unsettled
> for we never know when it will be our time to keep that appointment we all
> have. please continue to pray for our family, especially my dad. he is
> having a really hard time still, they would have been married 59 years
july