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Grand Newsletter
New Millennium Edition

May 1,  2002   Volume 12 Issue 5

Page 4

Just for Fun

  1. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
  2. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water?  Try spelling Evian backwards: NAVE
  3. OK so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
  4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea .. does that mean that one enjoys it?
  5. There are three religious truths:
       a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the
            Messiah.
       b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope
           as the leader of the Christian faith.
       c.  Baptist do not recognize each other in
            the liquor store
6.   Imponderables:
      a.  Why do we say something is out of
            whack? What's a Whack
      b.  Do infants enjoy infancy as much as
           adults enjoy adultery?
      c.  If a pig loses its voice is it disgruntled?

      d.  If love is blind, why is lingerie so
           popular?
      e.  When someone ask you, "A penny
          for your thoughts" and you
           put your two cents in what hap
           pens to the other penny?
      f.  When cheese gets its picture taken,
          what does it say?
      g.  Why do they put pictures of crimi
           nals up in the Post Office?         
           What are we supposed to do, white to
           them? Why don't they
           just put their pictures on the postage
          stamp so the mailman can look for
           them while they deliver the mail?
      h.  If it's true that we are here to help
           others, then what exactly are the
           others here for?
      I.  You never really learn to swear until
          you learn to drive.
      j.  Ever wonder what the speed of light
           would be if it didn't
          zigzag?
      k.  Whatever happen to Preparations
           A through G?
      l.  How come no one ever says, "It's
         only a game" when  their  team is
          winning?

      m.  I was thinking about how people
            seem to read the Bible a whole lot
            more as they get older;  then it
            dawned on me. they're cramming
            for their final exam.
      n.  "I am" is reportedly the shortest sen
             tence in the English language. 
           Could it be that "I Do" is the longest
            sentence?
      o.  What hair color do they put on the
           drivers license of a bald  man?

THE GOOD, BAD & UGLY


1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer
3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.
6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your
daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
8. Good: The postman is early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.
10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.

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The Carnival brought folk all the way from the city of Chicago as the daughter  of Bro. Thomas Stewart is shown above during her visit to Los Angeles.

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