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Grand Newsletter New Millennium Edition
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May 1, 2002 Volume 12 Issue 5
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Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE OK… so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans? If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea .. does that mean that one enjoys it? There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptist do not recognize each other in the liquor store 6. Imponderables: a. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a Whack b. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? c. If a pig loses its voice is it disgruntled?
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d. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? e. When someone ask you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in… what hap pens to the other penny? f. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? g. Why do they put pictures of crimi nals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, white to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamp so the mailman can look for them while they deliver the mail? h. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? I. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. j. Ever wonder what the speed of light would be if it didn't zigzag? k. Whatever happen to Preparations A through G? l. How come no one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning?
m. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me…. they're cramming for their final exam. n. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sen tence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence? o. What hair color do they put on the drivers license of a bald man?
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THE GOOD, BAD & UGLY
1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago. 2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly: She's a lawyer 3. Good: Your son is finally maturing. Bad: He's involved with the woman next door. Ugly: So are you. 4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room. Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there. Ugly: You're in them. 5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids. Bad: You can't find your birth control pills. Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them. 6. Good: Your husband understands fashion. Bad: He's a cross-dresser. Ugly: He looks better than you. 7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter. Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: With corrections. 8. Good: The postman is early. Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun. Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas. 9. Good: Your son is dating someone new. Bad: It's another man. Ugly: He's your best friend. 10. Good: Your daughter got a new job. Bad: As a hooker. Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients. Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.
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ADVERTISE YOUR FUNCTION HERE
CALL (310)835-2703 FOR DETAILS OR SEND EMAIL TO: [email protected]
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The Carnival brought folk all the way from the city of Chicago as the daughter of Bro. Thomas Stewart is shown above during her visit to Los Angeles.
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