The Big Ten season is here. We start the campaign with the Iowa Hawkeyes. Just the thought of Iowa makes me nostalgic for Hayden Fry. I'm sure he is somewhere, moaning that "the Hawks are hurtin". They may or may not have enough ambulatory athletes to fill up first class section of the charter flight. His famous formation with the stand up tight ends grew from the desperate situation where all the TE's who could dress (7 were in the hospital with the grip) were just hurtin too much to bend over and get into their stance. Why even last year didn't the Hawks play without a running back. Despite it all, somehow I'm pretty sure 11 guys in black helmets will limp, crawl or be carried onto the field for the noon KO with the Buckeyes.
First a look around the college football nation.
MAC Moment: 3-0 Toledo plays at Fresno State on Tuesday 9/27. Is that a late game in week 4 or an early game in week 5? Tuesday night??? This is a big game with actual national ramifications, but they sell their soul for TV time. Fortunately the Rockets don't play again until 10/8 when they face a team the Weasels ate for lunch, in Eastern Michigan, by a score of 55-0. Though the Rockets will be road dogs against Fresno, with their QB, Bruce Gradkowski, they have a shot to redeem the large dent Boise State put in the MAC's prestige last night when they dismantled BG on the blue turf.
The Weasels head to Madison for the annual War of the Rodents with the Badgers. Given Lloyd's record in road conference openers (1-6) and until they show that they can win a big game on the road, I have to call for a Weasel loss. So sad.
Purdue visits Minnesota. This is what passes for a big game on Purdue's schedule. Could be a classic Big Ten game. Glenn Mason's vaunted ground game against the veteran Purdue defense. Sadly it is played in a covered parking lot passing itself off as a baseball stadium. When is Minnesota going to get a real college football stadium? OSU provided them with their best coach since balls were stuffed. Do we have to build them a stadium too? Both of these teams like to lose big games, but I'll take the Boilers.
Tennessee visits LSU in a game of desperation for the Volunteers following their loss to Florida. The Tennessee defense was as good as advertised, but their offense got Gatored in the Swamp. The Vols need to find some offense and Baton Rouge ain't the place to be looking. Tennessee has too much talent for it to be a rout, but the Tigers will roll.
USC's victim is Oregon this week. The only thing home field will do for the Ducks is they get to wear their super-ugly home( as opposed to their just moderately disgusting road) uniforms. If the Trojans hang 70 points on them will the Ducks retire the worst uniforms in the history of organized sport?
The geniuses at the NCAA has decreed that if Illinois should make it to a bowl game this year they will have to play under an assumed name. Illini is simply unacceptable. I don't really care one way or another if Chief Illi- whatever dances again. But please, oh please in the name of all things holy, allow the Illinettes, those strippers posing as a drill team to continue to do whatever it is they do so very well. I'm taking suggestions, starting now, for a new, politically correct, nick name for Illinios.
In the vocational education championship of the world Georgia Tech visits VA Tech. Really this is actual engineers vs draftsmen. Somehow I cannot picture Marcus Vick with a pocket protector, unless that helps him pick up 16 year old girls. The Yellow Jackets will make a game of it, but not much more.
The Irish go west for the Tyrone Bowl. First they fired him, now they will try to embarrass him. This might be interesting. Everyone said that Tyrone couldn't recruit and left the ND cupboard bare. Now Weis is winning with those same kids and gets to play against Team-Tyrone-team which is truly without talent. If the Huskies were to pull off the upset what would that prove? Despite a noisy stadium the Irish win.
Mike's Mathematically Inpaired Top Five (toughest remaining games)
1. USC ( at Arizona State 10/1 and UCLA 12/3)
2. Texas OU (on 10/8 and at A&M 11/25) on
3. Louisville (forget it, their schedule is a joke)
4. Florida (at LSU 10/15 and FSU 11/26)
5. LSU (Tenn 9/24 and Florida 10/15)
6. Georgia (at Tenn 10/8 and Florida 10/29)
7. VA Tech (Ga. Tech 9/24 and at Miami 11/5)
Back to the matter at hand. Iowa is hard to figure out. Started the season as a top 10 team and has sandwiched an embarrassing 23-3 loss to Iowa State by collectively dough-popping Ball State and Northern Iowa by combined score of 97-21.
There are some things about Iowa which perplex me. I understand the goofy bird mascot, but it's name?? Herky. First of all I'm not crazy about gender-non specific names.
But with a mascot it is all the more troubling. Brutus won't know whether to hold the door open for it, or just kick it's ass. Secondly, can the thing fly? It has all kinds of feathers and flaps around a lot during games, but if it can't fly - what good is it? Who wants a bird that can't fly? And from Herky's point of view, what's the point in being a bird if you if you can't fly. If you are an animal wouldn't you rather have fur than feathers? Fangs, or even a snout trump a beak any day. No arms or hands, just weird feet. But if you get to fly it sort of evens out. A bird that can't fly, though, is just screwed. Only thing to look forward to is Thanksgiving. Next is their uniforms. Did they have to pay some kind of huge royalty to the Rooney family for the total rip off they did on the Steeler's unis. They made the switch to the faux Steeeler look when the Steelers were winning Super Bowls. I'm sure any day now they will storm out of the locker room looking like the New England Patriots. Then there is the fact that they always bring a lot of fans. That in and of itself is OK. What I don't like is that the announcers give them so much credit for being great and loyal fans. I have been to Iowa and know that any excuse to leave the state is not to be missed. These fans will support the Hawks through thick and thin as long as they provide an excuse to spend a weekend outside of Iowa.
The whole world seems to be debating what is wrong with the OSU offense. Is it the scheme, the execution, the talent, the play calling? Does this sound familiar? Though I cannot understand how we took what seemed in the last two games of 04 to be a juggernaut and turned it into just a simple naut. Perhaps we have based too much on what we saw in Troy vs in the Weasels. Let's also give credit to opposing coaches. Word has spread that Teddy Ginn can run fast. Need I remind you that this is still Tresselball. No matter what the formation, or who the QB and what kind of 400 m relay team we have on the edges, we are still going to bank on defense and special teams. So relax, the defense is good, maybe great, and the special teams are excellent. We know this stuff and should be used to it by now. Winning ugly is OK. For this week all that should matter is 33-7. Lest you be in denial or rehab you know that is the score by which the Hawkeyes humiliated that Bucks in Iowa City a year ago. The Hawks have a running back, Albert Young, who has been putting up pretty good numbers this year, even in their loss to Iowa State. They have some decent receivers led by Clinton Solomon and a good tight end in Ed Hinkel. Now there is a good Iowa name - Hinkel. Just think if Herky and Ed got married you'd have Herky Hinkel. That is assuming that Herky is of the feminine gender or that the marriage took place in Massachussetts. Of course there are the disturbing interspecies issues to consider, so maybe that is just a bad idea. Though they did look cute at the prom.
I know President Karen wants us to provide a welcoming atmosphere in Ohio Stadium, but I have something else in mind. Iowa comes in thinking they have the best QB and the best LB's in the Big Ten. Greenway and Hodge vs Hawk, Carpenter, and Schlaegel. Look for the Silver Bullets to stone the Hawk's offense and our offense not screw up enough for us to get a win reminiscent of that beauty contest in 2003. And a word to Brutus, forget the gender issue with Herky, and anything Karen Holbrook has said, just KA and take names, this is Big Ten football! Bucks 24- Iowa 10/
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