Not that anybody besides John Mellancamp and Terry Hoeppner care, but Indiana football is still Indiana football.  They are a modern day marvel of consistency. The Hoosiers last went to the Rose Bowl when Lyndon Johnson was in the White House and they don’t appear to be any more likely to be making a return appearance than does LBJ.  Recruiting is always a struggle, Indiana being the dust bowl of high school football.  Their best player, receiver James Hardy, came to IU on a basketball scholarship. Indiana is the only D-1 football team required by university statute to devote 15 minutes of each football  practice to foul shooting.  Saturday, the Hoosiers roared to a 3-0 lead, then flopped around  like a  perch in a net, enduring a 44-3 pasting at the hands of the Buckeyes. The Hoosiers remain the Crimson and Creamed.

             Minnesota is next for the Buckeyes.  Saturday Glen Mason gets to coach where he  always wanted to coach, he just doesn’t get to coach the team he  wanted to coach.  At one point Mason did appear to be the frontrunner to replace John Cooper.  Ultimately, another was selected  and everyone, with the exception of Mark “Munch” Bishop, and  Mason himself, have come to acknowledge the wisdom of that decision.  Mason has been left to devote his considerable talents to the Minnesota Golden Gophers, the single conference school without an on-campus stadium.  The Gophers play in the Metro Dome, which, despite being the only Big Ten venue to sell beer, embodies all the excitement of Mother Teresa’s prom night.  Mason has to recruit local kids  cut from the hockey team and  a few Ohioans who wanted to field test Canada without leaving the country. The fact that he has taken this program to numerous winning records and bowl games speaks not only to his coaching acumen, but to his skill as a scheduler. Annually, Minnesota’s non-conference foes are college football’s version of the endangered species list. This year,  Minnesota has  wins only over Kent State, Temple and last week struggled  to beat 1-AA North Dakota State. Make no mistake about it, this is a bad football team.  Animal rights activists have insisted that this team be known simply as the Minnesota Goldens, until they field a team less embarrassing to gophers.   They do return QB Bryan Cupito, who damn near passed us silly(396 yards worth of silly) in Minneapolis a year ago.  In a very bizarre game the Buckeyes gave up over 575 yards and 31 points and still won by two touchdowns.  Do not expect a similar track meet this year.  When Laurence Maroney went to the NFL and his understudy Gary Russell misplaced his eligibility the cupboard of running backs became bare.  Now we have learned that their stud tight end, Matt Spaeth is out for the game.  This is a young team and not one blessed with a lot of blue chip athletes.  They will play hard because they have a good coach and it is homecoming for them as well as the Buckeyes.  There are 16 Ohioans on the Minnesota roster.  A Minnesota win over the Buckeyes is slightly less likely than  Rush Limbaugh and Al Franken getting married in  a civil ceremony in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  This game should be decided before Jack Nicklaus dots the “I” at halftime.

In the Big Ten last week the Weasels finally finished off the Hawkeyes and now, barring huge upsets,  there is only one game which matters and that is in Columbus on November 18.  Michigan State played a weird one with Northwestern.  Behind 38-3 with under 10 minutes to play, the Spartans somehow rallied and won.  That sort of makes up for their collapse against Notre Dame.  Just kidding!

Texas edged Nebraska and ND pulled one out against UCLA. It is becoming increasingly evident that Brady and his genius-coach have a new strategy for his faltering Heisman campaign.  Brady will play 3 pedestrian quarters, allowing his team to fall behind, then turns it on late in the game while leading some miraculous comeback over a mediocre opponent.   Then the nations watches Sport Center to see Brady pull out yet another miracle, forgetting that he helped dig the hole. Clemson beat Georgia Tech.  How can Tech receiver Calvin Johnson have zero catches?  Have you seen this guy?  How can you have the best receiver not in the NFL and not find a way to get him the ball?  In their season opening loss to ND he had no catches in the second half.  You would think Tech  coach Chan Gailey could figure out a way to get the ball to the player who is, by a margin of  about 10 miles, their best athlete.  You cannot always just take what the defense is giving you; sometime you have to be good enough to take what you want. 

Conference races are heating up.  Texas plays Texas Tech and should win, but you never quite know what you are going to get from Mike Leach’s Red Raiders.  Miami can continue their slide into obscurity with a loss to Georgia Tech.  It will be interesting to see if Coach Gailey will decide to use his best player as a decoy this week.    Tennessee visits South Carolina.  Does the old ball coach have something cooked up for his buddy Fat Phil.  The Vols should win, but you know it won’t be easy.  Then Georgia and Florida hook up in Jacksonville hook up in the World’s Largest Outdoor Function.  We are no longer allowed to say cocktail party any more. Holbrookism spreads south.