
(If you're reading this and wonder why it's 
so choppy...it's because it's not done
yet, you spasmo!)


THE YOUNG ONES
INTERESTING

Written by Ben Elton, Rik Mayall,
and Lise Mayer

Script Transcription by Chris McCullough

Special thanks to Stellaluna <Stellaluna@ntr.net>

-----------------------------------------------------------

[Inside the boys house, in the kitchen.  The house is
unusually clean.  Rick, in yellow overalls, is directing
Neil, who is carrying a television]

RICK:  ....Mike will be here!  Come on.  No, wrong direction!  Here!  Not
put it up on top!  Up on the top!

[Neil places the television on top of the refrigerator.  The
back of the TV falls off]

RICK:  Oh, terrific!

NEIL:  The whole back's come off!

RICK:  Yes, I noticed!  That's Michael's television!

[They turn around to see Mike, in a smoking robe staring
at them.  They hide in front of the TV.  Mike looks around.
They quickly turn the TV around so the tube is facing out.  
Mike glances back and they reutnr to their positions.  Neil
sholw the place like a game show hostess.  Rick and Mike
walk to the drawing room, while Neil fixed the TV]

RICK:  What do you think, Mike?  Pretty tidy, eh?
Not a bad job.  Seeming ti took sixteen hours of
continuous hard labor, without a break, and without
the help of certain people who will remain nameless,
i.e. Vyvyan and Neil!

NEIL:  I resent that, Rick!

RICK:  Oh, shut up, Neil!  You never stop talking, do you?
That's what's gottin in the way of all the work this 
afternoon!

MIKE:  [They begin to sit on the sofa, but Mike stops]
...What's that on the carpet? [Points to a single
cigarette]

NEIL:  [gasps]

RICK:  [sotto, to Neil]  Vyvyan!  Vyvyan!

NEIL:  Oh, yeah!  That's Vyvyan's job.  Well, that and making
the punch.  He says he's only got to do two jobs because
he doesn't have any friends.

MIKE:  What are you on about, Neil?  He's got loads of
friends!

NEIL:  Oh, yes.  But apparently, he doesn't like any of
them.

[They sit down on the sofa]

RICK:  Is that why you haven't done anything, Neil?  Because
you don't have any friends either?

NEIL:  That's not true, Rick!  You know I've got a friend!

MIKE:  Oh, really?

NEIL:  Yes, really.  And actually, he's going to be here very
soon.

MIKE:  Well, he'd better hurry...we're talking fifteen minutes 
and counting!

RICK:  FIfteen minutes!  Look, this is Vyvyan's job!  We're
never going to be ready in time!

[Vyvyan walks in from the front door with a vacuum cleaner]

VYVYAN:  I'm right here!

RICK:  Good.

VYVYAN:  I thought the vacuum looked a bit on the tentative
side, so i souped it up a bit! [goes and plugs the vacuum in]

MIKE:  That's very good, Vyvyan.  Althought it could be very
bad.

VYVYAN:  Depends how you look at it, I suppose!  Not so
good if you're a bit of dirt, but then again who is?

MIKE:

[Vyvyan kicks the vacuum, and it turns on.  The vacuum sucks
up the carpet, Then pulls the adjacent wood planks out of the floor.
Mike and Neil stare flabbergasted at the vacuum.  Rick almost
starts crying.  Vyvyan kicks the vacuum twice to make it stop.]

VYVYAN:  [Facinated] That's absolutely brilliant!  You can't get any cleaner
than that!

MIKE:  You've destroyed a large section of the floor!

VYVYAN:  Cleaned it, Mike!  Cleaned it!

MIKE:  We quivel over words!  Suffice to say that that vacuum
is one hell of a sucker!   [To camera]  And I don't mean 
it's easily fooled!

VYVYAN:  Certainly can suck!  [Pats the vacuum.  The vacuum
starts up again and flies out the window.]

NEIL:  Stop it, Vyvyan!  Stop it!

VYVYAN:  [Staring out of the window]  Seems to have stopped 
already!  The bag must be full.  [Pulls the vacuum back in.  The bag 
is full and it has branches sticking out of it.  Vyvyan wields his
knife] I'd better inch it!

[Vyvyan cuts open the vacuum bag.  A man with long brown hair, 
wrinkled long-sleeve shirt, and flair trousers falls out.]

HIPPIE:  Ow!

NEIL:  Oh, wow!  Neil!  [Embraces him] Nice one, man! ....

NEIL #2:  Well,  I've just been sucked up by a runaway vacuum
cleaner, today someone tried to knife me, but apart from that
really horrible actually!  [Walks over to kitchen and tastes the
dip on the table]

NEIL:  Bummer!

NEIL #2:  Yeah, big bummer.  Haven't you got any decent food?
[open cupboard, takes out a can, and starts eating]

RICK:  Neil, who is this?  What are you doing?

NEIL:  Oh, Neil this is Rick. [Introduces him]  Rick, Neil.  
Just please don't bring him down!

RICK:  It's a hippie, isn't it!

NEIL #2:  Yeah.

RICK:  Get out!  This isn't a youth hospital, you know!

NEIL #2:  Uh, Neil!  My barely adequate psychic defenses
are crumbling!

RICK:  Just tell him to get out, for Cliff's sake!

NEIL #2:  This is worse than my birthday!  [Runs to the 
refrigerator and opens it.  Various pieces of food talk]

BUTTER:

CAN:

POTATO:

CAULIFLOUR:  Do you want to drink with me?  It helps you
[thinks]  forget.

[Cut to a single tomato inthe refrigerator.  Lounge music plays]

TOMATO:  [sings]
	I've been picked up by the cops
	So many times gone by
	They drill you for an hour
	And they say you're gonna fry
	I've been skinned alive, and purified
	And cut up with a knife
	Oh, I just gotta catch up with my life.

[Cut to kitchen.  Rick shoves Neil #2 in the refrigerator while Neil's
back is turned and slams the door.  A caption reads, 'The BBC
would like to warn all little kiddies that slamming people in
refrigerators is a bloody stupid thing to do.']

NEIL:  Where is he?

RICK:  He probably went to the shops to get some 
decent food, Neil.

NEIL:  You've vaporized my only friend, haven't you?

RICK:  No, I haven't.

[Cut to drawing room.  Mike is scolding Vyvyan]

MIKE:  Vyvyan, that is the demostic equivalent of a
black hole.  You are not to use it!

VYVYAN:  Yeah!  But, Mike?

MIKE:  You are not to use it!

VYVYAN:  Poof!

[Mike goes over and unplugs the cord from the
outlet.  Sighs of satisfaction are heard]

CORD:  How was it for you, darling?

OUTLET:  [Opens eyes.  Smoke is coming from
the outlet] Electric!

NEIL:  [Picking up a loose plank and notices Rick
eating]  Look, don't eat the cornflakes, Rick!  There's
only one each!

RICK:  You haven't even started making the lentil
nibbles!  [Takes empty bowl and shakes it]

NEIL:  Yeah, I know I thought of the idea in embryo, but
I could only find wooden cocktail sticks, and I don't think
all those trees should die just for are party.

RICK:  Oh, and I suppose it's okay if a few hundred students
die of starvation just bacause you couldn't be bothered to do 
your share, Neil!

NEIL:  There's plenty of hannah dip, Rick!

[Doorbell rings]

RICK:  It's only twenty past seven!  I don't know anyone
that unfashionable!

NEIL:  Well, it can't be one of my friends, because he's
here somewhere.

[Doorbell rings]

RICK:  Oh, Christmas trees!  Well, if it's one of Vyvyan's madical
friends, I'm just going to show them the door!  [Leaves to answer
the door]

NEIL:  Well, I think they can see it already, Rick.

RICK:  [Re-enters kitchen]  OH, HA HA, NEIL!  GREAT 
BLOODY JOKE!

[Rick goes back to the door and opens it.  A woman, dressed up
carrying a bible, starts to enter.  Rick stares at her]

CHRISTIAN:  Hello, I come from God, and he says...[Rick quickly 
slams the door.  The two wrestle for the door].Let
me in!  [Christian manages to fling the door open and runs in.  Rick
injures his arm]  It's a miracle!  Just a moment ago I was a useless cripple!
But now I can run and dance and skip!  Oh, thank you, God!  Thank
you, baby Jesus!

RICK:  Look, what do you want?

CHRISTIAN:  I come from the Arch-angel, Gabriel.  He of wings
of fire...I bring good news to all of mankind.

RICK:  I'm afraid you've got the wrong house.  I don't believe in God!

CHRISTIAN:  Then how do you know his name, smart arse?  [Squeezes
Rick in the crotch.  Rick doubles over in pain.  Christian makes her
way into the house]  Repent!  Everybody repent, accept Jesus!  [Thinks
about what she just said]  I don't mean everyone except Jesus
repent, I mean accept him into your lives and repent at the same time!
[Snaps out of it and points to Neil]  Have you said yes, hippie?

NEIL:  Oh, well I do a lot of yoga!

CHRISTIAN:  [Throws Neil to the ground and armbars him]

RICK:  Look, would you mind just going, please?  I mean, I we wanted you
in we would have said, "Hi, Christian!  Why don't you come in?"  But we
didn't, did we?  So why don't you take a running jump in a lake!

CHRISTIAN:  [Sits on table on onto a plate of dip]

NEIL:  [Frightened]  Oh, no!

RICK:  Don't look at me, Neil!  I'm an agnostic!

CHRISTIAN:  [Throws food off the tables]  Repent!  Repent, 
for the day of judgement is nigh!

MIKE:  Are you Judgement?  Do I get a prize?

CHRISTIAN:  Ahh!  A locust!

MIKE:

CHRISTIAN:  Repent!  Repent!

MIKE:  Alright, I'll repent!  Now how about You and me and the
Holy Ghost going upstairs for a closer look at those moral
understains!  [Christian shoves Mike on the sofa by his face
and knees him repeatedly in the crotch]

VYVYAN:  [Enters carring a mug of blue liquid]  
This should get things going!  [Gulps down the drink.  In a 
flash he loses all his hair.  On the side of his head is a 
birthmark of 666 (plotline from The Omen)]

CHRISTIAN:  [Stares at Vyvyan] Behold!  The Beast!

VYVYAN:  Hello!  [Exits]

CHRISTIAN:  [Walks over to Neil]  Now is the worrying
time!

NEIL:  Yes, it is rather!

CHRISTIAN:  Woe!

NEIL:  Woe.

CHRISTIAN:  Woe!

NEIL:  Woe.

CHRISTIAN:  Behold!  Armageddon, and the Four Horsemen of
the Apocolype!  

[Cut to a field.  Four warriors are there on horseback]

CHRISTIAIN'S VOICE:Famine, Pestilence, Death, and the other one!

PESTILENCE:  [Pointing to the distance]  Is that a seagull?  
Famine, is that seagull a seagull?

FAMINE:  No, Pestilence, that's a dog!

PESTILENCE:  A flying dog?

WAR(THE OTHER ONE):  Flying catapult!

PESTILENCE:  A flying catapult?

WAR:  Um...

FAMINE:  Oh, I'm famished!

PESTILENCE:  So, what's new?

WAR:  Microchip technology!

PESTILENCE:  What?

WAR:  Microchip technology!  That's a new thing, isn't it?

PESTILENCE:  There's nothing more boring than waiting for
the apocolypse.

WAR:  Well, except for that film.

PESTILENCE:  What film?

WAR:  'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' [the others agree] That's a
real bore for you!

PESTILENCE:  Oh, God, I'm bored!  [Looks to the sky, as
if talking ot someone]  God?  I am bored!  [Thunderclap.
A Travel Scrabble game appears in his hand.]
Travel Scrabble, anyone?

FAMINE:  No, no.  Just put it with the others in the pile!

[Pestilence throws the game on a large pile of Travel
Scrabble games.]

PESTILENCE:  You know, sometimes God can be so
unimaginative!

FAMINE:  He's worried about his son, isn't he?

PESTILENCE:  Why?

FAMINE:  He's a born-again Christian!

WAR:  [Talking to Death next to him]  Want a game of 
Travel Scrabble, Death?  [Death says nothing]  Death?
Do you want a game of Travel Scrabble?  [Death says
nothing.  War hits him with a ball and chain.  Death falls
off his horse, dead.  War looks at the others]  He's dead!

FAMINE:  I'll be dead too if I don't get something to eat!
[Looks to the sky]  How about a bloody sandwich?  
[Thunderclap.  A sandwich appears in his hand.  Famine
looks at it flatly]  Have you seen this?  [Tosses it away]

[Cut to the house.  The Christian is preaching to Neil and
Rick, who are bored.  During her speech, the sound of
something falling can be heard.]

CHRISTIAN:  And I beheld a medium-sized group of people,
running around madly, waving their arms and shrieking, 'Twelve
scoren oxen have spent over a year in the same field!'

[The Christian is crushed by Famine's sandwich falling
on her.  Rick and Neil stare in awe.]

RICK:  [Angry] Well, that's just typical!  Five minutes to go to the
most important party in my life, and half the house has
been wrecked by a gigantic sandwich!

NEIL:  At least that means there'll be something to eat.
[Lifts up the first layer of bread, then jumps back in shock]

RICK:  What?

NEIL:  It's meat!

RICK:  Listen, Neil!  You'd better get all this mess cleaned up
before the first guess arrive, or you're in trouble!  [Doorbell rings]
You're in trouble!  [Runs and answers the door.  A man and
woman, two of Rick's friends, are there]  Who the bloody hell are you?

MAN:  Oh, hello, Rick.  We're here for the party.

RICK:  Well, it's a bit early isn't it?  It's only twenty-five past
seven!  I distincly remember telling you seven thirty!  Are you
calling me a liar?

WOMAN:  It's okay.  We can go to the pub.

RICK:  Oh, okay!  Sure, fine!  Go on, piss off to the pub.  
I only thought you were my friends,  that's all.

MAN:  Rick, it's only five minutes.

RICK:  Yes, it's only five minutes!  Tell that to Roger Banister!

[Rick cries on the door.  They walk in.  The woman talks
to the banister]

WOMAN:  Roger, it's only five minutes!

BANISTER:  Oh, really?  How interesting!

[Before Rick can close the door, the doorbell rings again and
two young girls walk in]

GIRL #1:

GIRL #2:

RICK:  Yes, Mike is a member of the commune!

GIRL #2:  Great!  [They walk to the kitchen]

RICK:  Oh, yes, why don't you come in!  Make yourselves
at bloody home!

GIRL #1:  Phew!  It's a bit smelly, isn't it?

GIRL #2:  Yeah, it smells like a gents!

GIRL #1:  Gents what?

RICK:  [Leads them to the drawing room]

GIRL #1:  Itlian chair designers are so compromising these days!

GIRL #2:  Yes, looks like a sandwich!

RICK:  What on Earth do you think you're doing?

MAN:  Um...

RICK:  [Snatches the bottle]  Look, just put that down!  
[Puts the bottle on the counter]  It's only three minutes 
to go!  What are you, an alcoholic or something?

NEIL:  Oh, no!  [Runs up the stairs, almost knocking Rick
over.]

RICK:  GOD, YOU'D THINK THIS PLACE IS A REFUGEE
CAMP! ...

VYVYAN:  [Enters and sees Mike's friends.]  Hi, girls!  
[Pulls the cork out of a bottle with his teeth and spits it out]
Didn't hurt at all!  Do you want to see how
many pressups I can do?  [Falls down in front of them and 
starts doing really obnoxious push-ups]

RICK:[Fumbles with the door, but manages to get it open.
He starts to be his usual rude manner, but sees the person
at the door is his Sociology professor, Dr. Morrison]

DR. MORRISON:  I came in my car!

RICK:  Amazing!  Can I get you a drink?

DR. MORRISON:  Bitter beer.

RICK:  Bitter beer, right!  Small cup?

DR. MORRISON:

WOMAN:  Well, we'd like to, but the party hasn't actually
started.

DR. MORRISON:  Rick, has the party not started?

RICK:  Yes, of course it has.  I don't know about you, one
minute you don't want to drink, and the next minute you do!
You're all completely potty!  Here, get stuck into that lot!
[Gives man one can one Heinekin and two small Dixie cups]

[Vyvyan is still doing his push-ups.  Rick notices him]

RICK:  Oh, that's my flatmate, Vyvyan!  Hi, Vyvyan!
What are you doing?

VYVYAN:  Shut up, you girl!

RICK:  I'm not a girl.  Mind you we're all pretty potty in his house.
...Last night we stayed up until one o-clock in the morning.

[Rick notices that he's boing completely ignored.}

RICK:  Okay, pop music!  Let's go!  Anyone here like
the Human League?

[Puts the record on player and turns it on.  Music plays
and Rick starts dancing.  Two seconds later, two
policemen burst in and smash the record player.]

POLICEMAN:  Alright, the noise is too loud!  The neighbors
have been complaining!  You just watch your step, son!

WOMAN:  Wow, pigs!

GIRL #2:  Heavy!

RICK:  Fascist!

VYVYAN:  Yeah!  I'd really like to join the police!

RICK:  Shut up, Vyvyan!  Anyone got a straight?

MAN:  What?

RICK:  A cigarette.

WOMAN:  Oh, yeah...

RICK:  Oh, what a great bag!  ...In here are they? 
You bought me a present!  What is it?  What do you
do with it?  Don't tell me I'll guess.  It's a telescope!
A telescope with a mouse in it!  Bouncy bouncy bouncy!
'Hello, Brianna!  Are you glad you could come to the party?'
Here, have a drink, mousey!  Bouncy bouncy bouncy...
Don't worry, I'll get a tissue.  Wow, you must have a whole
box of them in here!  I think I'd better go to the lavatory!

GIRL #2:  Is that the time?

VYVYAN:  No.  The clock's broke.  The hands keep
whizzing around real fast.  It's only really half past seven!

GIRLS:  Hi, Mike!

MIKE:  No, not yet!  But I soon will be!

DR. MORRISON:  

NEIL #2:  Oh, wow!  This is so uncool!

DR. MORRISON:  Say, what's in this?  Tobacco or
Pink Floyd?

NEIL:  Cryogenics!  Nice one!  Let's see if it really works!
What, is that the door?

MIKE:  No, Neil.  The front doors in the hall!

NEIL:  Well, hadn't someone go answer it?

MIKE:  Well, I'll go and see what the question is.  [laugh]
Go and see what the question is!  That's marvelous.

TOMMY:

MIKE:  Tommy Balowski! ????

TOMMY:  I am lost, that's why I'm here!

MIKE:  No.

TOMMY:  I thought not, so I pissed in your garden!

MIKE:  Look, I told your brother, Jerzei, ...

TOMMY:  Hey, you know me!

MIKE:  Oh, yeah!

TOMMY:  Who am I?

MIKE:  You're you!

TOMMY:  That's right!  You want to make something of it?

MIKE:  I don't, but if you want to fight, Neil's in the kitchen!

TOMMY:  Are you threatening me?

MIKE:  Are you looking for teeth in a basket?

TOMMY:  Yeah!

MIKE:  Well, here you are!

TOMMY:  Oh, thanks!  I've been looking for those!

MIKE:  Looks like the party's started!

CINDERELLA:  I'm looking for my prince!

MIKE:

RICK:  Look, Neil!  LOOK, EVERYBODY!  THIS IS
SUPPOSED TO BE A PARTY!  SO, FOR FLIPS SAKE,
START HAVING FUN!!

WOMAN:  The pigs smahed the hi-fi!  We got no music!

RICK:  No music, my braces!  What about Rip Rig and Panic?

VYVYAN:  ...so the other guests should be arivving any moment
now.

RICK:

[He spray paints a line on the wall onto Rick's face]

Man: ...What's the last thing you blew up?

RICK:  ...I blew up a rubber johnny in the ...Everyone thought it was
great.

Man: ...

RICK:  Yeah, bloody zoos!  Who needs them?

Man:  ...

RICK:  The pigs?

Man:  ...

RICK:  Yeah [snorts twice]  ....

Man:  ...

RICK:  You spilted your drink!

Man:  Yeah, I was getting bored!

RICK:  ...

[Cut to kitchen, Tommy is talked to a frightened Neil]

TOMMY:  Ere...I got LOVE tatooes on this hand, and I got HATE
tatooed on this hand...down me spine?  But you can't see it 
because I got me shirt on.

NEIL:  Does it hurt?

TOMMY:  No, it's polyester and cotton.

NEIL:  No, getting tatoos.

TOMMY:  NAH!  NAH!  NAH!, oh, God bless ya!  No, it's jsut like
having red hot needles poked under your skin!

NEIL:

TOMMY:  Why?

NEIL:

TOMMY:  Are you a virgin?

NEIL:  No!

TOMMY:  I'm not really asking, actually, I'm just using it as
a term of abuse!

NEIL:  Hi, Warlock!

WARLOCK:  Hey, get your lips around this baby, man!

NEIL:

TOMMY:  Alright, but I'll

NEIL:  Oh, no!  What if it's the pigs?  I'd better...[rolls the joint into
his mouth in a fashion where it will stay lit.]

Crasher #1:

....

Crasher #2:  ...i'm his dad!

Crasher #1:  I must be losing my touch.  [To Crasher #2]  Don't 
think we're gonna get in.  I think he's a hippie.

Crasher #2:  ... [gets into Neil's face]  Are you gonna let us  
in...or am I gonna have to call you am ambulance?  [Quickly 
jumps away from Neil]

[Neil blows out all the smoke he was holding in his lungs in a
 huge blas.  The crashers run in fright.  Neil walks back inside]

[Cut to drawing room.  Nail staggers and sits down next to 
Warlock, who is fiddling with a water pipe]

WARLOCK:  Heavy?

NEIL:  Heavy!

WARLOCK:  Have a bang on this number!

[Neil takes the water pipe and take a hit.  AS he blows out the smoke he
flies off into the air and out of shot.  The other hippies watch in
amazement]

[Cut to film of Neil flying off into space.  He passes a space shuttle]

VOICE #1:  Ground control to Major Tom!  Hey!  This
is just like that song from David Bowie!

VOICE #2:  What?  The Jean Genie?

VOICE #1:  Yeah!  Hey, the planet Earth is blue and there
nothing we can do!

[Cut to the surface of the moon.  Neil flies in upside-down.  
Two aliens pop up from craters and stare at him]

ALIEN #1:  Oh, no.  Got any dynamite?

ALIEN #2:  Sure have!

[Alien #2 puts a lit stick of dynamite next to Neil's head.  When it
explodes, Neil flies out of shot]

ALIEN #2:  Gee, that hippie must be really out of it!

ALIENS:  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[Shot of Neil floating back to Earth.  Cut to interior of house.  Neil
floats back to where he was sitting.]

WARLOCK:  Nice ride?

[Neil nods.  Cut to hall.  Three Punks are talking]

PUNK #1:  ...I kissed two girls today!

PUNK #2:  Then why aren't you pregnant!

PUNK #1:  I might be, but I don't care!  I don't care if I
live or die!

PUNK #3:

[Vyvyan walks in]

VYVYAN:  I've just been wrecking the bathroon!

PUNK #3:  But, it's your house!

VYVYAN:  Yeah, but it's a party, isn't it?

COLIN:

TOMMY:

COLIN:  Sorry?

TOMMY:  ...You and me against the world.  Here, come here 
come here come here!  Jsut between you and me, I think I'm
going to be sick!

(Party Crashers meets Santa's elf scene)

MIKE:  That's a lovely dress.

CINDERELLA:  Thank you, my fairy godmother gave it to me!

MIKE:  Do yuo mind if I stick my hand down the front of your dress?

CINDERELLA:  No, thank you.  I must be going.  My stepmother
will be wondering.

MIKE:  It's only part twelve!

CINDERELLA:  What?

PUNK #2:  I know!  Why don't we set off all the fire extinguishers?

VYVYAN:  Yeah!  No!  GET BACK!  BACK!  We haven't got
any fire extinguishers!

COLIN:

VYVYAN:  Uh, yeah!  Here's one!  ...You, BRING ME MY
SURGICAL KIT!  I've jsut thought of a great new party game:
DISSECTION!  You, stay there!  Scalpel!

ELF:  Bloody students!

ARDEN:  Help!

VYVYAN:  HELP!

ARDEN:  Help!

VYVYAN:  HELP!

ARDEN:  I'm stuck!

VYVYAN:  GET ME AN ASPRIN!

MIKE: ...cause I've made her a present!

SANTA:  Ho-dee Ho!  Ho-dee Ho!

WOMAN:  Fascist!

RICK:  I don't know!  We're do decadent!  Oh, that'll
be the woman next door!  Shut up, you old witch!

PUNK #1:  Oh dear, oh dear!

NEIL:  Eh?

PUNK #1:

NEIL:  Oh, yeah!  That's terrible!

PUNK #1:  Yeah, I wonder if you'd mind helping us?

NEIL:  What?

PUNK #1:  Beat you up!

NEIL:  Oh, yeah.  Eh?

PUNK #1:  KILL THE HIPPIES!	

RICK:  STOP IT!  STOP IT!

NEIL:  Hey, don't kick me!  I'm a vegetarian, man!

NEIL:  Oh, so it was all a dream!  Fancy that!  Phew!

[Ending credits.  During which Neil gets out of bed and walks 
around the room.  He strums his guitar for a while, then sits 
down at his bed and begins to take pills out of a bottle]

VOICE OF PUNK #1:  KILL THE HIPPIES!

NEIL:  Oh, no!  This is the dream!

[Fade back to previous scene.  Neil is about to have three boots 
kick him in the head]

THE END
