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Learning all I can!

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due. The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere - and let the air out of their tires Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get the same results.

Bet you did not know..... Howdy Doody had 48 freckles. In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan. When Bugs Bunny first appeared in 1935, he was called Happy Rabbit. Bubble gum contains rubber. Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart. Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician. Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness. Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, "It's Adam's Suit!"

Will you marry me? An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes". The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal. "Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."