A modern classic containing such gems as Campsite Roger and the highly controversial Church of Bondage.
"It's better than that crap I wrote for the exorcist" - Mike Oldfield.
We say : Mike, don't be so hard on yourself, Tubular Bells was pretty good too but you could have chosen a more original title.
Intro (juice)
Human Sundial
Campsite Roger
Fetish Machine
AbcdefghijKY Jelly
Eunuchs in Spandex
Church Of Bondage
Squeaky Squeaky Uh-Uh
40 Chegwin (drunken) daze & 40 Philbin (long-lanced) knights.
Ow! Man Cocoon
Supermarket Romance
Tubular Bellend
There's a church on the hill for people some call ill;
With a phallic steeple, full of funny naked people.
In the isles there's latex gargoyles and the huge flesh pink pillars
Behind the leather alter stands the naughty vicar !
The naughty vicar is such a flirt
He wears a dog collar and a black skirt
He has a cane, a cane that's able
It could slice through the firmest last supper table
And when the church bellend goes dong dong,
He gives a service that's second to none.
Here's the church, here's the steeple
open the doors and spank all the people.
When the church service begins
The believers flock in in their spandex skins
They kneal down and close their eyes
And taste the body of Christ.
The blood stained glass window forms a red light glow
And the big pipe organ blasts tunes that you know
'come with me into my vatican. meths and stress in the family'
Beneath the spandex shroud lies the son of god
Whos second coming is most odd
He endures a leather cap with barbed wire bandage
Whilst the vicar enjoys a choirboy sandwich
When the shroud is lifted to reveal Christ's atire
Everyone shouts 'JESUS CHRIST SUPER BRA'
Here's the church, here's the steeple
open the doors and spank all the people.
If you've sinned or think you've done wrong
Tell your naughty tales in the confession iron maiden
Then do your bloody marry's take the slaps to your bum
Whatever the punishment it's holy fun
The vicar gives you 2 veg and meat
And the holy water shower has a special treat.
If you're true to the Christ idol
You'll know all the positions in you Karma sutra bible
And know how to pray, pray for the whip!
And to really worship.
You kiss the totem pole with many heads
And sleep in a crib instead of a big big bed.
Christmas is a turn on the bellend jangles
Midnight masturbate with big candles
But what really lights my wick
Is the vicar's little Christmas trick
The candles he doth blow
Then he goes in the Parson's nose
At the end of each service the vicar has a collection
Be sure to have an errection
He stands at the exit with a test-tube
As the believers leave they pay their due
so Christen my stomach
Slap me with your praybook
The church of bondage is well worth a look.
LET US SPRAY
OUR FATHER WHO SWEATS IN LEATHER
BONDAGE BE THY GAME
IN THY CONDOM COME
ON EARTH I AM TAKEN TO HEAVEN
GIVE US A SPRAY AND OUR DAILY LASH
AND FORGIVE THOSE WHO PROTEST AGAINST US
FOR YOUR THIGHS ARE THE KING DONG
THE POWER AND THE SWEAT
FOR TREVOR IN LEATHER
IN MEN
Human Sundial
Tossing and twisting in my bed, crazy thoughts rushed to my head
I thought 'is it humanly possible to form your self into a human sundial'
So I donned my pants vest and pyjamas
And funked downstairs to continue my dramas
And it was while I was chewing on the biro of satan
That I came across a possible solution
The solution to becoming a time telling human.
With the removal of ones garments, pants vest and pyjamas
And then a quest to the best of desinations; a cool green sunlit garden
And then on the lawn with dreams of porn
The hot