True Love, possibly the most powerful force in the known world and probably well beyond.  True love takes the elements of blind faith, total commitment and desire to share one's existence with another human.  For most people, this is a concept that never comes to fruition.  In my lifetime, I have been lucky enough to know love twice within the past few years.  In the past year, the end of the 20th century, I experienced what I believe to be true love with my soul mate.  I don't know how to know for sure if I was experiencing true love, since I am so new to the whole love concept, but judging from my other experiences thinking I loved someone, but feeling other conflicting feelings, and the comparison to this experience, where things that normally would be conflicting, I was most comfortable around.  Things with this person, the one I believed to be my soul mate, were destined to happened.  The instant chemistry, the ability to mesh with a cohesion that makes the fine balance of the universe seem chaotic, all signs I believed to show our destined meeting.  Of all creatures of this planet I have had the honor and privilege of meeting, she was the most powerful influence in shaping my perception of love and soul mates.  If I were a religious man, I would have to say that whatever deity resided in the heavens above fated for us to be together.  There are so many perfect connections that existed between us.  

    At this time, my definition of true love would be the touching of two souls, across time and space, no barriers, with an openness that is complete and transcending of everything.  It is the yin and yang of two people, and the chemistry between them that is more powerful than a lightning storm that lasts a week in one second.  It is a feeling of complete and utter trust for another person under all and any conditions.  It is the surrendering of all oneness to share without giving oneself up.  It is the completion of a circle.

    Being a male, I am a perfect specimen to exhibit the frailties and ignorance that we are capable of exhibiting.  Basically, I screwed up.  I took everything that attract her to me, and screwed up with it.  My confidence became my weakness.  My belief in myself became my achilles heel.  I lost confidence in myself and began to question everything, worrying about if she really felt what she did, or if she was just saying it to get me to chill out.  I learned post ipso facto, that my insecurities caused my loss, nothing else.  She was perfect in many ways, I was the faulty one.  My sad tale of true love lost.

   Currently I would do anything to get her back into my life short of breaking the law.  But I know it is not meant to be anymore.  The door of opportunity closed and I didn't have a key to get back in.  Having realized that it was a lost opportunity, I tried to move on, to find someone else, and found someone, someone I started to enjoy being around, someone who at one time was someone I wanted for one reason, and recently found another to want her around.  But now she is engaged to get married, and I have lost yet another opportunity.  Seems it is a theme in my life, to be at the right place at the wrong time.  Always having something I want dangled in my face only to have it jerked away teasingly before I can reach it. 

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© 2000 Sam Terry