Commercial.
Back to Brock giving the rest of Team Lesnar an ass chewing for their Survivor Series loss. What the hell did you expect, Brock? At least 60% of your team was dead weight. You�d have been better off subbing The World�s Greatest Tag Team for Jones and Morgan. He�s the WWE Champion and he deserves some respect around here! He�s spoken to Paul E and tonight it�ll be Nathan Jones vs. Chris Benoit (Jones is one ugly bastard and Brock likes that. Ooookay...) and Big Show vs. John Cena (since Cena gave him the FU to end the whole shebang Sunday). Brock then orders everyone out of his sight.
Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Akio Yang
Thanks to Gillan Borum, who pointed out to me via e-mail that, according to the SmackDown! site, the stable name for Akio and Sakata is �Kyo Dai�, which roughly translates into �big price�. Nice; like saying Yakuza without saying Yakuza. Go-behind by Rey starts. Reversal and Irish whip by Akio eats shoulder. Spin kick by Akio, who goes for a corner whip. Charge meets boot (duh) and Rey gets a tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Rey stomps away and goes for another Irish whip, but Akio reverses and sends Rey outside under the bottom rope. Ooo. Back in, Akio gets a modified (and painful looking) surfboard. Rey escapes, punches away, and floats over to go for the ropes but eats a nasty clothesline on the way back. Neck wrench (wha?) by Akio before a whip to the corner and a leg lariat. Akio goes up top, but Rey brings him down. Rey charges Akio and gets sent up and over, but lands on the apron to hit the springboard senton. Slingshot off the 2nd rope for Rey and he SPIKES Akio with a DDT for 2. Victory roll gets another 2. Dropkick misses and Akio gets in a spinning heel kick (aka the Sean Waltman Special) for 2. Akio goes for a purty corkscrew moonsault � and misses. Rey gets the headscissors into the 619. Rey then gets the West Coast Pop for the win.
Winner: Rey Mysterio
In the back, Paul E takes credit for the SmackDown! Magazine before running into the...well, for lack of a better term, �torture chamber� of the Bashams and Shaniqua. Apparently this is their way of celebrating their Survivor Series win. Save the kinky shit for home, guys. Paul E then runs into Shannon Moore. Yeah, Matt defected to Raw, but that�s not Shannon�s fault. Because of all that, Paul E is going to make Shannon a star � by booking him against Matt Morgan next. Good logic there, Paul. Shannon�s going to look like a technical marvel against this kid. Think Moore will be headlining with Angle at WM XX? Shannon doesn�t look too pleased, though, as we go to:
Commercial.
Shannon Moore vs. Matt Morgan.
The size difference between the two during a staredown is laughable, but Moore is game anyway, opening fire on Morgan. Fat lotta good that does � Morgan plants him during a headscissors attempt. Let the slaughter begin. Morgan gets Moore in the corner and works him over with shoulders before choking him out with his boot. Morgan picks Moore up high and gives him a tossing slam (better than tossing salad, I suppose). Morgan stomps away, but Moore slips in a kick to the head before going off the ropes and eating a big boot. Morgan picks Moore up by the throat and sends him into the corner to taste a clothesline. Huge � wait, HUGE beel throw on Moore. And another � this one over the top rope! Moore�s dead. Outside, Morgan javelins him back in. Cover gets 2 as Morgan picks him up to finish him proper with the sitout powerbomb for 3.
Winner: Matt Morgan
Commercial.
A-Train vs. Bradshaw.
You sure I can�t skip this and go make a sammich or somethin�? This is the part of the job that sucks. Train attacks early on the outside. Back in and Bradshaw gets some right hands and a swinging neckbreaker (again - wha?) for 2. Train gets a clothesline as Tazz calls this �smashmouth style�, showing what he learned in JR�s seminar on polishing crap. Rights by Train are blocked so Bradshaw can score some. Knockdown and a splash by Train for 2. Chinlock by A-Train (who�da thunk it?) Bradshaw elbows out of it and comes of the ropes to eat a back elbow. Off the ropes, Bradshaw with the go-behind (move of the night? Maybe?) and a DDT (!) for 2. Whip and a reversal and Bradshaw gets a shoulderblock for 2. Corner clothesline by Train but Bradshaw comes back with a suplex (another wrestling move? What am I seeing here?) before he goes � wait, Bradshaw is going to the top?! Did I wake up in Bizarro world or something? Bradshaw gets the Ron Simmons Shoulder � dubbed �Air Texas� by Tazz � for 2. Both men outside now, and Train, out of nowhere, gets a sick Derailer on the floor! Owitch! Bradshaw is almost counted out at 8, but Train would rather have the pin. He rolls Bradshaw in � and only gets 2. And then only gets 2 again. A-Train goes for another Derailer, but Bradshaw turns it into a small package (?!!) for 2. Vader bomb by A-Train gets nothing but boot Bradshaw uses the ropes and still only gets 2. Bradshaw goes for the Clothesline From Hell, but A-Train gets the Bicycle Kick, and this one is over.
Winner: A-Train
Commercial.
Chris Benoit vs. Nathan Jones.
Brock is at ringside for this one. Last week it was Angle, now it�s Benoit. The broomstick series continues. Benoit gets Jones in the corner off the bat and chops away. Jones forces Benoit outside. Benoit back in and Jones gets him in the corner. Jones charges Benoit in the ropes, but Benoit ducks and Jones sails outside. Back in for more clubbing and choking corner offense by Jones. Benoit off the ropes and he runs into a powerslam by Jones for 2. See, if they let Jones stick to the basics (he can at least do that much...maybe...), he doesn�t look half bad in there. Jones gets a chinlock assisted by a knee and holds it on Benoit...for a while. Corner charge eats boot. Jones gets an Irish whip and a side slam for 2. Jones goes back to the chinlock + knee...and holds it for a while...again. Benoit off the ropes and Jones goes for another powerslam, but Benoit floats over and chops the unforgiving hell out of Jones before clipping him. Benoit goes for the Sharpshooter~!, but Jones is too close to the ropes. Benoit hits the Rolling Germans instead and goes for the Diving Headbutt. Jones is up, however, so Benoit gets a missile dropkick instead. Nice! Benoit goes for the Diving Headbutt again, flies, and Jones moves. Wasn�t meant to happen tonight. Gorilla Press by Jones � and Benoit turns it into the Crossface~! Brock is up on the apron, but Benoit sends him away, gets the Crossface back on Jones, and makes him tap for the win.
Winner: Chris Benoit
Brock is in now to murder Benoit � and Hardcore Holly runs in from the crowd to get him some of Lesnar. Holly whips Lesnar into the security rail outside before a police squad and Paul E arrive to restrain. Holly is ejected and arrested � for trespassing, as Paul had given him the night off. Lesnar talks Paul into suspending Holly indefinitely. Justice is served!
Commercial.
Back to the arena and out comes Kane. This looks odd with him being on SmackDown. Maybe there�s something to this whole brand extension thing after all. There�s a podium and wreath with �Taker�s picture already set up as Kane informs us that �Taker has been dead for a long time now. At least, the Undertaker he knew. Once they were both monsters, but �Taker betrayed himself, showing compassion and weakness. He was a monster but became a fraud. Kane buried the imposter and he loved it. All Kane sees in the crowd are pathetic insects that he can destroy at any time, but at least they�re true to their nature. Undertaker is dead, so all Kane can say is...Rest...In...Peace.
Commercial.
Cruiserweight Championship
Jamie Noble vs. Tajiri (c)
Kyo Dai are sent away by the referee. Tajiri swings at Noble and misses, so Noble slugs away. Spinning neckbreaker and a legdrop gets 2 for Noble. Chop and a corner whip and Noble follows only to get crotched on the ropes. Tajiri kicks him down to the floor. Tajiri rams Noble�s shoulder into the ringpost before sending him back in for a 2 count. Spinkick and an overhead armbar by Tajiri. Noble fires back to Tajiri�s ribs, but Tajiri doesn�t break the hold. Noble finally breaks it and gets some rights, knees and forearms and 2 short clotheslines before Tajiri kicks the bad arm again. Handspring elbow misses and Noble rolls him up for 2. Tajiri kicks him again and gets a corner whip. Tarantula attempt is blocked by Noble. Tajiri goes up top and gets slammed off. Tiger Bomb is blocked, so Noble gets a sunset flip instead for 2. Buzzsaw Kick by Tajiri misses and Noble gets the Tiger Bomb proper for 2. Nidia is out, blind as a bat, for no good reason other than to distract Noble and allow Tajiri to get the schoolboy and a hand full of jeans for the 3 and successful title defense.
Winner: Tajiri
In the back, Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas - The World�s Greatest Tag Team - thank Paul E for the opportunity for revenge against Los Gurreros (wait, didn�t Paul screw them when he returned as GM? Oh, never mind) as we go to:
Commercial.
Los Gurreros vs. TWGTT
Los Gurreros out in a lowrider provided by Godfather Customs. So that�s what he�s been up to. Huh. All 4 man at it to start before Haas is sent outside and Chavito gets a dropkick on Benjamin. Benjamin answers with a few kicks to Chavito�s knee and a spinning legdrop on the appendage. Ahh, I get it � they took out Benjamin�s knee, so they�re gonna do it to Chavito. Tag to Haas who works Chavito over � before going for the Walls of Jericho? Stop, thief! Chavito gets to the ropes and Haas stretches the leg in the corner. Drop toehold by Haas into the Haas of Pain~!, but Eddie breaks that up. Benjamin in to take a tilt-a-whirl headscissors, which is our come-from-behind winner for move of the night. Tag to Eddie and he is a CASA EN FUEGO as he cleans house, getting a monkey flip on Benjamin and a hurracanrana on Haas. Benjamin returns with a powerslam for 2. Chavito in to take a German suplex by Haas. Eddie is sent up and over and Chavito returns the favor on Haas with a bulldog headlock and gets Benjamin with a dropkick. Eddie slips up top for the Frog Splash on Haas for the 3 and the victory.
Winners: Los Guerreros
Afterward, Eddie is sent outside so that Haas and Benjamin can work over Chavito�s knee. Eddie clears TWGTT away, and Chavito still isn�t happy. Exactly how long do they plan on dragging out the obvious? Eddie looks dejected as we go to:
Commercial.
Back to the Cat (!) in Boise Idaho, receiving the key to the city. The Cat (with ever-faithful Lamont) gives them the Cat Coin before all the stuffy white politicians attempt to dance. The Cat: �Stop that before you hurt yourselves� (Hah!) before showing them how it�s done.
Back to Cole and Tazz, and Cole is showing his whiteness as well. Moments Ago: Los Gurreros won, but Chavito was assaulted after the fact.
In The Back, Chavito questions Eddie on where his head has been - again. Chavito tells Eddie to go away � he needs space. After finding out that the Trainer can�t dope him up, Chavito says he can only on his real friends. Harm. And who would those �real friends� be?
Elsewhere In The Back, Vince tells Big Show to destroy John Cena as we go to our final:
Commercial.
Big Show vs. John Cena
Cena ducks outside to start and Show gives chase. Back in and Cena takes advantage by getting the baseball slide (despite wearing a football jersey) on Show. Criss cross and Cena gets a shoulder, but bounces off of Show harmlessly. Chops and a slam by Big Show. kick and a headbutt by Show. Club to the back before Show tries to rip Cena�s face off. Legdrop variation of the Final Cut gets 2. And that�s the last good move you�ll see out of Big Show as his offense sucks balls for the rest of the match. Show goes for a powerbomb and screws it up royally � and the crowd lets him know it. Heh. Beel out of the corner on Cena and a chop to the chest before Show stands on the bottom rope on Cena�s ribs. Was he working on them to begin with? Coulda fooled me. Cena mounts a comeback with rights and a dropkick. Show charges and gets hung up on the top rope. Throwback~! by Cena gets 2. Cena brings a chair in and the ref grabs it long enough to not see Cena kick Show squah in the nuts. Nice. Rights in the corner, and Show grabs Cena�s throat? Chokeslam? Nope � Show tosses him in the corner and goes for the ribs a little late. Cena gets a shot in with the chain and goes for the FU but can�t hold Show up. Show sends Cena outside and dismantles the announce table. A Chokeslam~! is blocked by elbows, but Show shoves Cena into the corner post. Back in the ring, and Show gets an idea. He goes outside for the steps and tosses them at Cena, but misses. Terry Funk you ain�t, pal. The ref is knocked out in the ensuing melee and Show gets a sidewalk slam on Cena. He tries the steps again, but Cena dropkicks the knee and Show lands face first on the steps. Cena picks them up and CLANGS Show in the head! Deeamn! Cena covers and another ref is out to make the 3 count.
Winner: John Cena
Cena celebrates on the ramp as we end the show.
Credit WrestlingAttitude.com & Michael Melchor at 411mania.com