This will be a true test of how good Angle is. Let�s see how well he carries the proverbial broomstick. Collar-and-elbow tie-up and Angle gets powered into the corner before we get a clean break. I�ll be damned. Second collar-and-elbow tie-up and Angle gets a go-behind hammerlock into the side headlock. Jones turns it into a top wristlock and powers Angle down. Huh. Angle answers with a double leg takedown and goes back to the side headlock. Jones tries the top wristlock again and Angle speedily counters into the hammerlock. Jones comes off the ropes and goes for a bicycle kick � and misses, straddling the top rope. Angle finishes the job and knocks him outside. Jones recovers and nails Angle with the ever-popular clubbing forearms before bouncing his jaw off the security rail. Ow. Jones brings Angle in and Angle fires back with right hands. Jones whips Angle into the corner and charges, eating elbow. Angle gets in a dropkick off the 2nd rope for 2. Angle off the ropes, clothesline by Jones misses, but he catches Angle in a near-powerslam instead. Jones locks in a neck vise as Tazz points out Angle�s neck surgery. I�m kinda shocked to admit it, but Jones almost looks like a capable power wrestler here. Guess the broomstick theory works after all. Angle fights out of it and comes off the ropes to run into a knee to the gut. Another slam by Jones and an elbowdrop gets another 2 count. Gorilla Press and Angle drops out of it and hits a dropkick to the knee. That took him down � so why the subsequent shoulderblock off the ropes that had no effect on Jones? Don�t ask me, I just do the report. A clothesline takes him down, however, and then Angle gets the Rolling Germans on Jones. Angle Slam attempt, but Jones drops out and nails Angle with a big boot. Jones goes for another slam, but it�s Angle�s turn to drop out and hit the Angle Slam proper. Ankle Lock, but before Jones can tap, Morgan is out for the beatdown and the DQ. Morgan is roughing up Angle in the corner � and Hardcore Holly (!) is out with the chair to beat the piss out of Jones and Morgan. No more videos; Holly�s here in the flesh. And he still insists on chasing Lesnar. You know, Bob, if you hadn�t tried to be such a badass during that match last year, you wouldn�t have had the broken neck. Ever thought of that? Even without knowing that, take one good lock at Holly and one good look at Lesnar and then tell me who you think is going to come out on top of this�anyway, Holly is on the mic � he�s waited 13 months for Lesnar, and he wants him now! He calls Lesnar out or else he�ll go to the back after him as we go to:
Commercial.
And oddly enough, the week Holly returns, no mention is made of the death of Crash Holly. No condolences, no tribute, no shit. Wow.
Back to In The Back, Holly is on a rampage after Lesnar � and finds Paul E. Holly wants Lesnar tonight! (no he doesn�t). Paul says no can do � Holly�s not cleared to go until Sunday. He asks Holly to leave just to cover both of their butts. Holly agrees, but come Sunday, Lesnar is all his. Lotsa luck, dude.
In the back, Vince is rubbing his temples to get rid of a headache. And the headache is reading WWE Un Scripted. Sable the Skag Whore asks Vince about some dog he used to have, and Vince remembers the dog. he also remembers a nightmare he had last night about being buried alive and maggots eating his flesh. As Vince describes this in gory detail, Sable looks like she�s gonna barf. Can�t say I blame her. Vince reveals that, as he awoke from this, he had shat himself. Never mind � the Depends gag would be too easy...
Commercial.
Back to the arena and Noble is out to swear more revenge on Tajiri. Tajiri answers, but he�s got back up in the form of Akira and Sakata (formerly Yang and Sekoda to you). the 3-on-1 is on until Rey Mysterio makes the save before we go to:
Commercial.
Back, and now it�s officially
Akira/Sakata vs. Noble/Mysterio
Okay, why the name changes? Please don�t tell me they�re bringing them in to become Orient Express 2003. We�re in progress and see Noble hit a legdrop for 2 on Akira. Akira makes the tag to Sakata who stomps on Noble some before sending him to the ropes. Tilt-a-whirl�No, Noble gets a jawbreaker out of it. Tag to Mysterio who hits a springboard cross body on Akira and a reverse victory roll on Sakata in the time it took me to type it. Little bastard�s quick. Akira ends the rally with a hotshot on Mysterio and Sakata catches him with a clothesline. Akira, after some stomping and choking, gets Mysterio in a triangle choke with the legs over the top rope. Okay, so there�s that, Tajiri has the Tarantula � what�s Sakata�s rope submission move? Front facelock submission on Mysterio follows. Rights and a dropkick by Mysterio. Tag to Sakata and Noble gets knocked off the ropes for good measure. And it pays off � Mysterio goes for the tag and Noble is nowhere to be found, allowing the OE03 to get in some double-teaming. Elbow on Mysterio and some more choking follows. Weird to see the cruisers wrestling slower. It ain�t right, I tell ya! Akira gets a...well, how to describe this...horizontal Ne-Han on Mysterio. Loved that move on N64 No Mercy. Corner whip and a Tilt-a-whirl slam (our move of the night!) on Mysterio is countered into an inverted DDT. Hot tag to Noble and he�s kickin� some Orient Express ass! Noble gets a facebuster with the flat of the boot (Ow) on Sakata for 2. A swing/block/counter sequence gets a neckbreaker by Noble. Mysterio fires back with a springboard swanton and the 619~! on Akira. Mysterio goes for the West Coast Pop and gets tripped up by Sakata on the outside. Inside, Noble gets a powerbomb on Akira � and then gets Buzzsaw Kicked~! by Tajiri. The ref misses this and counts the 3 on Noble by Akira.
In the back, Los Gurreros are getting ready for their tag title match with the Bashams � when they�re interrupted by a detective informing them that Eddie�s wife�s sister has been in a car wreck in El Paso. Nice try guys, but I�ve seen this ploy before. Eddie�s got to go; Chavito says he�ll talk to Paul as we go to:
Commercial.
Back to In the Back, Chavito finds Paul and tells him what�s going on. Paul, citing family first, postpones the tag title match until Survivor Series. The Bashams arrive, and they�re not cool with what�s going on. They want some action tonight, so they suggest a handicap match. Man, 2 recycled plot devices in one night in one feud? Is the writing crew lazy tonight or what? Paul goes for the handicap match � and it�s next.
Undertaker gives an interview from the graveyard. �Taker didn�t want to come back here, but Vince made him. He�ll pay for it this Sunday. Man, that promo almost sounded like old school �Taker...!! Kinda brought a tear to my eye before the:
Commercial.
Back to the Bashams (WWE World Tag team Champions) vs. Chavo Gurrero, Jr. � obviously non-title, again.
Chavito and Doug start out, and Chavito gets a modified armdrag takeover after a wrestling sequence. Waistlock by Chavito and a standing switch by Doug and then a snap mare by Chavito. Armdrags, hiptoss, and a dropkick follow on Doug. Danny runs in and gets the same treatment. Both Bashams slide outside and Shaniqua whips them � literally! � into getting back in the ring. Well, almost � Chavito planchas Danny first near Shaniqua. Eddie got caught doing that last week, but Chavito doesn�t. He gets a 2 count on Doug instead. Boston Crab on Danny and Doug saves by getting Chavito with the Snake Eyes and sending him outside. Chavito gets roughed up outside and tossed back in to Danny who gets another 2. Doug runs interference on the ref as Danny gets some illegal choking in. Double flapjack and a double kip-up by the Bashams gets 2 again. And Doug gets in the big reverse chinlock~!, but Chavito fights out of it and eats a corner whip and a back elbow. Doug goes up top for the whatever move heels go for then enables faces to raise a boot and catch them right in the mush. Never understood that one. Danny runs in and gets hung out to dry and Chavito gets an atomic drop on Doug. A clothesline and high back body drop follow. Chavito goes up top, but Doug charges. Chavito sees this coming and escapes with a 360 front flip (nice!) before catching Danny with a tornado DDT for 2. Doug gets sent outside as Shaniqua hops on the apron. Chavito gets a baseball slide in on her shins (Owch?) as the Bashams pull off the deadly SWITCHEROO~! on the outside. Danny goes in and Chavito goes for the snap suplex, but Danny rolls him up in a small package for the 3. Man, how sucky does that looks the champs look to have to cheat to beat one guy?
In the back, Josh Matthews tries in vain to get word of Team Angle�s 5th member as we go to:
Commercial.
Back to In The Back, the Bashams watch Chavito suffering with the trainer. As they watch, the �detective� shows up and is congratulated by the Bashams. Toldja!
Bradshaw vs. A-Train
You�ll have to excuse me � I missed the first part of this (although I�m sure I didn�t miss a clinic or anything). A-Train clubs Bradshaw on the outside. Back in, Bradshaw gets in a shoulder before Train gets a suplex in. Corner charge and Bradshaw goes down to eat the 2nd rope courtesy of a slingshot. Cover gets 2 for A-Train. Bradshaw is up and gets in some rights on A-Train before a shoulder knockdown. Cover gets 2 for Bradshaw. Slugfest ensues and an Irish whip is reversed into a sleeper by A-Train. Toldja I didn�t miss anything. Bradshaw reverses into a sleeper of his own. Back suplex follows and both men are down. Slugfest follows (again) and an Irish whip and Bradshaw gets in a dropkick (!). Mebbe I was wrong about the clinic...? Clothesline follows by Bradshaw. Nope, no clinic here. Elbow and a clothesline by A-Train followed by a Vader Bomb for 2. Nobody does it like Leon. Corner charge meets turnbuckle and Bradshaw misses the Clothesline From Hell. A-Train gets in a chokeslam bomb (the name of that escapes me offhand) for 2. Bradshaw is back up and the Clothesline From Hell connects this time for 3. This almost got good near the end, there. Did everybody bring their working boots or what?
In the back, Benoit and Angle argue about team member #5. Benoit can�t trust him & Angle says he could say the same about Benoit, but sometimes you have to trust people you normally wouldn�t � including 5th man, John Cena. Big surprise there. Cena�s only in this to get his hands on Team Sasquatch and Benoit won�t see him out there (with accompanying hand wave). Benoit says if Cena screws up, Cena will go down and so will Angle as we go to:
Commercial.
Back to In The back, Sable the Skag Whore is worried about Vince � so she�s brought Father Frank in to pray with Vince before leaving herself. Smart move. Reader�s Digest Condensed version: Vince tries to pray, but ultimately loses his mind and threatens, naturally, to bury the Undertaker Sunday. Once again, I have to ask�whatever happened to building a PPV main event with the guys involved having face-to-face confrontations? Do the SmackDown writers not believe in that anymore?
Rundown of the Raw side of Survivor Series using video. Hey, Cole and Tazz got to pimp the SmackDown half of the card on Raw, but JR and Lawler don�t get the same courtesy? Quoth Hurricane: �Wassupwitdat??� The SmackDown Side is then run down.
Next up: Cena and Benoit vs. Big Show and Lesnar as we go to:
Commercial.
Back to a video of Lamont (word!), the ladies, and, of course, The Cat, who�s riffing on James Brown. Once again � somebody call my mama! Miller has no talent, Bischoff got him his job, blah, blah, blah. Whatever. The Cat is entertaining as hell, and I�m so looking forward to his proper arrival. Much better than Scotty Go Potty, who I�m glad made his return and then promptly disappeared. There�s hope for SmackDown yet.
In the arena, it�s time for
Cena and Benoit vs. Big Show and Lesnar
Cena starts out with the customary rap calling Team Sasquatch girls, the Nation of Masturbation (which gets bleeped, unfortunately), and was even kind enough to bring a bra for Lesnar�s man boobs. That�s just cold. Cena points Method Man out in the crowd. Nice! My peoples are you with me, where you at? Good stuff.
Cena and Lesnar start off the match with the collar-and-elbow tie-up into the corner and a clean break. Another collar-and-elbow tie-up and Cena gets shoved down. Go-behind by Cena and some rights and elbows follow. Corner whip by Lesnar and a big shoulderblock follows. Clubbing blows and more shoulders follow. Corner charge gets an elbow by Cena and a set of clotheslines knock Lesnar down. Tag to Benoit and Benoit catches Lesnar with another back elbow and a snap suplex. Impressive. Corner chops by Benoit before a tag to Cena who gets in more kicks and clubbing blows. Lesnar gets in an overhead belly-to-belly on Cena. Wait, I thought that move was banned! Tag made to Big Show who gets in some corner chops of his own on Cena. Headbutt follows, then the Chokeslam~! Benoit saves by pulling Cena outside�
And we go to a sudden final commercial again. Man, they need to get their cues straight.
Back to During The Break: Lesnar whipped Benoit into the steel steps. inside now and Show works Cena over before tagging in Lesnar. Lesnar gets in a German suplex and an elbowdrop before hitting a PerfectPlex~! (even called as such by Tazz � We miss yeh, Curt) on Cena for 2. DDT on Lesnar and Cena gets the tag. Clothesline, corner chops, and a German suplex by Benoit. Benoit goes up top and nails the Diving Headbutt~! for 2 before Show saves the count. Benoit knocks Show of the apron but Lesnar gets a clothesline in. Tag to Show who gets in his plodding but effective offense. A Subway (tm) chant breaks out for Big Show. Heh. Show drops his weight ass-first on Benoit�s chest a few times before getting a legdrop for 2. Tag to Lesnar, and a front facelock becomes a rear naked choke (with the legs grapevined) on Benoit. Benoit fights out with elbows and chops. A corner charge by Lesnar meets a back elbow and Cena is all sorts of ready for the tag. Cena is tagged in! � but the ref doesn�t see it. DDT by Lesnar on Benoit and Benoit answers with an enzugiri and the proper tag. Cena gets Lesnar into the corner, but Show charges � and nails Lesnar. Haw. Cena drops the Big Show like a bad habit and Benoit gets another Diving Headbutt~! on Show. 2 count only as Lesnar saves the day. Lesnar swings at Benoit and gets caught in the Crippler Crossface~! As the ref breaks them up (due to neither one being legal), Show jacks Cena up for the Chokeslam~! again. Cena gets in a low blow and pastes Show with the chain around his hand for the 3 and the win.
I�ll be damned � they edited out the FU on Benoit...! I�ve heard quite a bit of noise about that, but it makes sense when you think about it. Cena�s not going to suddenly be buddy-buddy with Angle and the rest of the crew. It�s gonna take some time and Cena�s pretty much always been a loner. Even when he had a sidekick, it didn�t last long before Cena showed B2 Bull Bling Bling Buchanan the door. Don�t rush a nonsensical face turn simply to switch him over � let�s develop the character. I got your back, Hayes, but it really don�t matter here. Oh, well...
A pretty decent show leading up to Survivor Series. The emphasis is back on the Classic Survivor Series Matches, which makes an old-schooler like me feel proud. Most of the guys even brought their working boots. Now, if we can get rid of Vince and his dumb-ass ideas for promoting main events, this would almost be perfect.
Credit: WrestlingAttitude.com & Michael Melchor at 411mania.com