It was time for Raw is Jericho, and the King of Bling Bling expected to have a very busy week. Tonight he would beat Kevin Nash and cut all his frizzy hair right off his huge cranium. He'd be Big Daddy Bald. (Guttman came up with that one first, as I recall.)
Jericho was obsessed with winning the title on Sunday night at SummerSlam. The Elimination Chamber was the most violent, brutal, devastating match he'd ever been in. (The crowd was chanting "Jericho Sucks.") He'd come so close to winning the title last November, then Jericho introduced the man who'd snatched the title out of his grasp, Shawn Michaels.
"Sexy Boy" shimmied down to the ring and the crowd was clearly behind him.
Jericho asked HBK if he had what it took to win the Elimination Chamber a second time. When Michaels started to answer, Y2J yanked the mic away and said he had an important Hair vs. Hair match. But his close personal friends, Evolution, would be special guest co-hosts of the Highlight Reel for tonight only.
Triple H, Ric Flair, and Randy Orton swaggered out and circled around Michaels. The crowd was booing heartily.
Triple H recalled the ferocity of the Elimination Chamber. He claimed he'd lost the most, because he'd spent 48 hours in a hospital bed and lost the title to HBK. This year would be differrent, since Evolution would be watching his back. He promised that HBK would be the one in the hospital bed this time.
Michaels' answered with his fists, but he was soon being triple-teamed. Kevin Nash, bleach blonde for some reason, came out to even the odds a bit. Goldberg ran down next. He was a monster who was cleaned house all by himself. He crouched to spear Triple H, but Trips moved out of harm's way and pulled Nash right into the spear.
Backstage, was Test sweet-talking Stacy. He was doing a good job til he told her this time he'd treat her like the "little slut" that she is.
Women's Title
Molly Holly (c) vs. Trish Stratus
It looks like Trish�s boobs may have gotten bigger. Back and forth to start, Trish nails a Lou Thesz Press. Molly does a few shoulder whips on the mat. Molly does a botched sidewalk slam, and a botched shoulderbreaker for 2. Molly goes up for a Molly-go-Round, but Trish trips her up on the top, and nails a Stratusphere. Trish chops and kicks away until Gail Kim comes out. Trish beats her up. Trish goes to the top for a Crossbody but misses, and Molly makes the cover. Gail slides in and breaks the count and starts beating up Molly. They cat fight until refs break them up.
No Contest
Evolution gloating over what happened. Austin comes in and make Orton/Goldberg for later tonight. Then, in order to keep Evo from ringside, Austin makes himself a special enforcer.
Shane McMahon came out to speechify. He announced that there would not be a match between Eric Bischoff and himself at SummerSlam. That was because he'd drag Eric's slimy self to the ring tonight.
Shane said he had something special for Kane. He walked backstage, then came out with a gas can. He said Kane was not the only one who liked to play with fire.
Goldust was tutoring LanceDust in the art of being unpre-dick-dick-dictable. Lance said he could do that; he'd returned a video once without rewinding it.
Live in Greewich, CT, Linda McMahon was reading magazines. She'd have something to say live later in the show, promised J.R.
Winner Gets Stacy
Scott Steiner vs. Test
As the entrances were made footage was shown of the gallant way Test treats his women.
Steiner dominated early in the match. Freakzilla rolled right over Test like a pick-up truck. Test began to favor his knee, pretending he could not stand on it. The referee made the "X" sign and called for a trainer. Test was just about in tears. The ring filled with referees and for some reason a cheer broke out in the crowd. Test was being helped from the ring, but when Steiner got within reach, Test kicked him, pinned him, and won Stacy's services. He'd fooled everybody. Test dragged Stacy to the back by her arm.
Winner: Test
La Resistance had attacked the Dudley Boyz with Old Glory last week. Rene Dupree came out and asked the crowd for a moment of silence for the Dudleys. Sylvain Grenier promised to bury them once again at SummerSlam. They spotted a serviceman in the front row and began to hassle him. While their backs were turned, D-Von and Bubba Ray came out and chased Les Grenouilles away.
Bubba invited the serviceman to climb over the guardrail and a USA chant broke out. He got in the ring, looking suspiciously like a plant, and waved the flag as the USA chant continued. Then he suddenly took the flag pole to Bubba and D-Von and joined La Resistance in attacking the Americans.
"Who is this guy?" asked J.R.
Chris Jericho was moussing his hair backstage before heading out for his Hair vs. Hair match with Nash.
Last month, Kane had tombstoned Linda McMahon. Linda was shown surfing on her home computer. Even she wasn't watching Raw.
Hair vs. Hair Match
Kevin Nash vs. Chris Jericho
There was a case of barber tools at ringside.
Nash's whitish-blonde hair made him look like Big Grampa Cool. This match started off with Nash's big knees and elbows in the corner followed by a tilt-a-whirl slam. Nash went for an early pin, but Jericho got a shoulder up.
Nash tosses Jericho around a bit. Jericho to the outside, Jericho is up against the post, and Nash goes to clothesline him, but Jericho ducks out and Nash clotheslines the post. Jericho nails a missile drop kick for 2. Jericho uncovers the turnbuckle, but the ref sees it, and yells at Jericho. Nash rolls him up for 2. Jericho works over Nash in the corner, Nash fights back, sends Jericho�s shoulder to the post, and nails a sidewalk slam for 2. Jericho slams Nash�s gut into the exposed turnbuckle, and tries to roll him up for 2. Jericho then drops Nash in the bulldog and nails the Lionsault for 2. Jericho locks on the Walls of Jericho. Nash gets to the ropes, and Jericho thinks he won. Nash up, nails Jacknife for 2, when Jericho gets his foot on the ropes. Nash nails a big boot, and calls for another Jacknife, but Jericho wails his arms and hits the ref in the eye, the low blows Nash. He pulls out some brass knucks and KO�s Nash for the win.
He immediately sent for a pair of scissors and snipped off Nash's Goldilocks.
Winner: Chris Jericho
A cat is stuck up in a tree, and a little girl needs to get her out. Rosey enters and gets the cat down for her. Hurricane enters to tell Rosey he did a good job. Hurricane starts talking to the little girl, as the cat attacks Rosey! Rosey starts beating the cat against the tree, while the girl is distracted with The Hurricane. Rosey chucks the cat away, and he runs away.
Theodore Long and Rodney Mack headed to the ring. Theodore said he'd been on a cruise. Belie' dat. He referred to last week's blackout and said tonight there would be a Mack Out. Whatever.
Rosey vs. Rodney Mack.
Rosey seemed encumbered by his superhero costume. Lawler said he must have bought it at an "Everything for a Quarter" store. Mack attacked, but Rosey gave him a big Samoan Drop and a high-impact slam to take the win. Rosey and Hurricane posed.
Winner: Rosey
In Connecticut, Linda McMahon said she had two herniated disks and the doctors were hopeful that she would not need surgery.
Suddenly, the doorbell began to ring. Linda tried to continue the interview, but was distracted by the ringing bell. She excused herself to answer the door. Her face dropped, and the intruder walked into camera range. It was Eric Bischoff.
Eric noted that there was nobody home (except for that cameraman). With a leer, he told Mrs. Cleaver she looked exceptional and shocked to see him, but not nearly as shocked Shane must be.
Back in Linda�s office, Bischoff says that he won�t hurt here. Bischoff starts saying that he will hurt Shane though. Bischoff then rants on how he built WCW from the start, and Shane just came in and bought it away from him. He then grabs Linda, comments on her �big breasts� and lays a smooch on her, wonders if she will point him to the bedroom. Wow.
Shane was hurrying out of the building and trying to reach someone on his cell phone. He stormed into the parking lot and stole a car. By the time he drives all the way from Michigan to Connecticut, he'll be late for Eric's party.
Intercontinental Title
Rob Van Dam vs. Christian
Good back and forth action. The crowd and very vocal. They thought Christian sucked. Van Dam got his second wind and got a near pin. His Rolling Thunder was met with Christian's knees. Christian felt the need to bring two chairs into the ring. Van Dam turned one of the chairs into a Van Daminator. The crowd was going wild. RVD came off the top with a Five Star Frog Splash and . . .
Kane's music hit. The referee was down. RVD managed to drive a chair into Kane's face. As RVD took a suicide dive, Kane cracked him with a chair, then picked up RVD and carried him off over his shoulder.
No Contest (?)
SummerSlam promo aired.
Test was making Stacy lap dance in the dressing room. Stevie Night Heat and Rico (Rico???) were drooling.
In the boiler room, Kane found Shane's gas can and poured it over RVD, who was hanging from a pipe. He stuffed a gag in RVD's mouth and tried to light a match, but it wouldn't stay lit.
This was very disturbing. Kane blew out his match and said "they" wanted him to burn RVD. But from now on, he'd do what he wanted, he shouted.
Orton is in the ring, while HHH and Flair are at the announce table.
Goldberg vs. Randy Orton
Referee: Steve Austin
Orton runs around the ring, but Goldberg eventually gets to him and nails a big time clothesline. Orton gains the advantage, knocks Goldberg to the outside, and drives him into the ringsteps. Goldberg fights back, military press and back body drop on Orton. Randy with a thumb to the eye, but Goldberg shoves Orton back and the ref gets bumped. Goldberg with a powerslam, and Austin gets in the ring to make the 2 count. Flair comes down and pulls out Austin, and they duke it out. Orton then goes after Austin, but Austin catches his boot, and turns him into a Goldberg spear. Austin with a Stunner on Flair, Goldberg with a Jackhammer on Orton, Austin with the count.
Winner: Goldberg
Moviing on to the high drama, Triple H and Goldberg were glaring at each other. Goldberg invited Triple H down to the ring. But Nash (with a new chaircut) snuck up behind Goldberg and Jacknifes him! "Not only has Nash changed look, he's changed attitude," said Lawler.
Shawn Michaels came out and picked up Triple H's belt, but Jericho whacked him with a steel chair from behind. Jericho had captured the title for a few minutes, anyway.
"Sunday, Sunday, Sunday," shouted a hoarse J.R. as the show went off the air.
Credit: WrestlingAttitude.com