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My sister Kathy moved to Indiana four years ago. She got married, had a baby, planted a garden, built a new house and landed a job in a casino. After a couple of years it became apparent that she was never coming back. So we decided to go visit her. We pushed out autumn excursion back to the first weekend in November because of college football and the Oakmont Carnival. The trip began on a Saturday morning. I drove us to Munfordville, Ky while Mugg was writing poetry and singing classic hits from Aeorsmith.
After stopping at a gas station, we had to pump air in the car's tires. We severely overinflated the tires. Throwing caution to the wind, we got back on the freeway and headed towards Elizabethtown. This is where we exited the interstate and took the scenic route to tiny Elizabeth, Indiana- home of Kathy Massie. After lunch, we drove by Fort Knox. We continued to drive and drive and drive. Mugg became impatient and started ranting and raving. When we finally reached Elizabeth, we could not find Kathy's street. We stopped and asked for directions. We wound up arriving about two hours late.
I had fun playing with Katelyn and Zebula after we arrived. For some inexplicable reason, Geral put on the new Scooby Doo movie. That evening, we all went to Caesars Casino. We ate the Saturday night buffet. Katelyn refused to eat her food and shook her head in disagreement. After dinner, Geral gave us a tour of the casino. There was a cacophony of sounds and flashing lights. He lost twenty dollars in under three minutes. Later that evening at the Massie house, we drank some chardonnay and Kathy read some bedtime stories to us. We all fell asleep on the barcelounger and Kathy tucked us into our beds.
On Sunday morning, we were in a rush to hit the road. Kathy and Geral gave us directions on how to reach the interstate. They encouraged us to leave as soon as possible and we all said goodbye. I drove us north up I-71 towards Cincinnati as Mugg crocheted and hummed the tune to Bonanza. Our first stop was Newport Aquarium. There we came face to face with sand tiger sharks, moray eels, lionfish and piranha. We saw strange and exotic fish from all over the world. Coral reefs, jellyfish and alligators were also on display. Mom stared in amazement at the penguins.
After checking in at Days Inn, we decided to eat dinner at Jillians. We wound up getting lost and found ourselves in a questionable part of town at night. When we finally arrived at the restaurant, Mugg complained about the loud noise and it took forever to get the food that we ordered. She asked a waitress to fetch our dinner and everything was fine afterwards. The next day we drove over a hundred miles north to the Columbus Zoo. It was quite cold and Mom did not have a jacket. About half of the animals were in seclusion or hibernation.
After a couple of hours, we decided to eat lunch. I did not have an appetite and could not eat anything. We departed the zoo food court and I wasfeeling nauseous. I threw up all over the place. We took sanctuary at the penguin exhibit and I felt a little better. We continued our zoo tour in the bitter cold as some of the primates mocked and taunted us. Mugg got lost in the gift shop and then we proceeded to get lost on our way out of Columbus Zoo.
We headed back towards Cincinnati, and about fifty miles down the road I puked all over myself in the passenger seat. Mom pulled over, and I got out of the car and cleaned up on the edge of the highway. I was finished for the night and wound up barfing a couple more times in the hotel room. That night we watched a remake of the classic horror movie Carrie and decided it was too violent and over the top.
The next morning was cloudy and ominous. I felt much better, and we decided to put yesterday behind us. After checking out of the hotel, we made our way to the Cincinnati Museum Center. We entered a huge edifice designed in art deco that at one time was the Union Terminal train station. The Museum of Natural History was perfect for this rainy day. We saw skeletons and displays of prehistoric mammals and dinosaurs that had lived hundreds of thousands of years ago. We also explored a cave in the museum and learned about the Ice Age. The museum was so big that we had to ask for directions to get to a restaurant. We concluded our long day at the museum checking out Jane Goodall's primate exhibbit.
After the museum, we made a quick stop downtown to eat at Cincinnati's famous Skyline Chili. We then started back home in a steady rain. Somehow, I missed an exit and we drove east towards Lexington, Ky. We drove about 60 miles round trip out of the way. After exchanging fisticuffs and harsh words, we made up. Mugg eventually got behind the wheel and took us home.
( POSTLOG: Some accounts of the preceding tale have been fictionalized or exaggerated for effect.)
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