Towards Self Contentment by Summaiya
| A visit to the present and I am taken to the past.
I used to have fun…I mean really….there was good laughter and a sense
of belonging wherever I went. I had no stance….nothing to stand for so
I fitted in wherever. Now there just an isolation. I genuinely like people
but now I’m beginning to feel the ones I’m closest to don’t really share
the thing which is the closest to me. Does my choosing not to do certain
things really affect anyone but me? What really hurts me is that a momin
is like a light either it is spreading light or creating darkness. I don’t
feel as if I fit in the category of giving light….which leaves room only
for one other option. I could be having fun, laughing cracking meaningless
jokes having cheap enjoyment not sitting here and feeling lonely. Oh Allah
tell me is the path I’ve chosen worth it? Is it really worth it? I’m not
really sure. Can the weakening of one close bond be really worth anything.
I haven’t been doing anything…these second these minutes theses days these
hours that are passing are my life. Is it really worth it? I really need to talk to Allah I open the Quran and He speaks to me…. (28:60-61) And whatever you have been given is an enjoyment of the life of this world and its adornment, and that which is with Allah is better and will remain forever. Have you then no sense? Is he whom We have promised an excellent promise---which he will find true—like him whom We have made to enjoy the luxuries of the life of this world, then on the Day of Resurrection, he will be among those brought up (to be judged) …….. Alhamdulillah…. He never really leaves much for me to say. He’s like a consoling friend Who just puts His arm around you and gives you a tight hug….one so reassuring and so lean-on-me type. I close the Quran A witness to one of its many miracles. A secret shared…. I close the Quran Ready to face myself with words of Allah still echoing within me. I’d like that I’d like to go through life with the words of Allah continuosly beating within me. Inshallah. |
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