The man who loved baked beans
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible
passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing
and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day, he met a
girl and fell in love.
When it was apparent that they would marry, he
thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this" so he made the
supremesacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married A few months
later, on the way home from work, his car broke down
and since they lived in the country, he telephoned his
wife and told her that he would be late because he had
to walk.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the
wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since
he still had several miles to walk he thought he would
walk off any ill effects before he got home.
So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings
of beans.
All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived
home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the
door and seemed somewhat excited.
She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful
surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair
at the head of the table and made him promise not to
peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another
fart coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold,
the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek
until she returned and went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity.
He shifted his weight to one leg and let go.
It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg.
He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his
napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better when another urge
came on. He raised his leg and rriiipppp!
It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled
worse.
To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his
arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.
Things had just about returned to normal when he felt
another urge coming.
He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go.
This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook,
the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the
flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in
the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying
blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10
minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his
napkin. When he heard the phone farewells (indicating
the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid
his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of
it.
Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence
when his wife walked in. Apologising for taking so
long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table.
After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the
blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!" To his shock and
horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around
the table for his surprise birthday party.
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