| What do you do when your toe falls off? Call a tow truck! Why did the snail want to paint an S on his car? because he wanted to see his S-car-go |
| HUNG LIKE A WILSON While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust. Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful, I had tennis elbow once." |
| Save the whales. Collect the whole set. A day without sunshine is like, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Remember, half the people you know are below average. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade! Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it! If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand... OK, so what's the speed of dark? How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. |