| Job Applicants Continued: 21. Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to insure that the offer was formal. 22. Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much. 24. During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview. 25. A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more." I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer. 26. An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus. 27. His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume. 28. He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the reception area. He didn't want it to get stolen, and stated that he would require indoor parking for the moped. 29. He took off his right shoe and sock, removed a medicated foot powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the powder four times a day, and this was the time. 30. Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one. 31. He whistled when the interviewer was talking. 32. Asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security. 33. She threw-up on my desk, and immediately started asking questions about the job, like nothing had happened. 34. Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk. 35. Asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview. My First Time The sky was dark The moon was high All alone Just her and I Her hair so soft Her eyes so blue I knew just what She wanted to do Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine I didn't know how But I tried my best To place my hand On her breasts I remember my fear My fast beating heart But slowly she spread Her legs apart And when she did it I felt no shame All at once The white stuff came At last it's finished It's all over now My first time Milking a cow! The Buffet A whole bunch of drunks were talking about whose penis was the biggest. They started arguing and got in a big fight. Then the bartender yelled, "Hold on, I'll settle this." He told them to lay their pricks on the bar and he would measure to see whose was the biggest. A gay guy walked in and the bartender asked what he wanted. Top 10 Man-gina/She-nis Activities Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a Vagina 10. Immediately go shopping for a vibrator 9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half 8. See if he could finally do a split 7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping-pong ball 20 feet 6. Cross his legs without rearranging his crotch 5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 20 minutes 4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first 3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video 2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too 1. Finally find that damn G-Spot Things a Woman Would Do if She Woke up with a Penis 10. Get ahead faster in the corporate world 9. Get a blowjob 8. Find out what is so fascinating about "beating the meat" 7. Pee standing up 6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently 5. Find out what it is like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm 4. Touch/shift herself in public without a thought as to how improper it might seem 3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks 2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction that occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member, which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement 1. Repeat #9The guy replied, "I'll take the buffet!" |