| The Tasteful Blind Man A blind man walked into a diner and made a strange request to his waiter. He asked if he could have the unwashed fork of the last customer the waiter waited on. The perplexed waiter agreed and handed the blind man the unwashed fork. The blind man proceeded to put it in his mouth and said, "Hmmm, the meatloaf and mashed potatoes are good here. I'll have that." The next day, the blind man returned to the diner and did the same thing. Now, on the third day, the waiter saw the blind man coming into the diner. He still didn't believe what the blind man was capable of, and he wanted to trick him. So he quickly grabbed a fork and asked his waitress wife, Jane, to pull down her panties and rub it between her legs. When the blind man asked for the fork, the waiter gave him the fork with a big smile on his face. The blind man put it in his mouth, and said, "Hmmm, I didn't know Jane worked here." |
| Life Science Exam A not necessarily well prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best. 1. No need to boil. 2. Never goes sour. 3. Available whenever necessary. So far so good maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer: 4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes. He received an A Old Man. A 65 year old man goes to his doctor and says... " Doc, I have a problem. My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday. My ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday, and my wife is coming home Sunday. I need three Viagra pills to satisfy them all." The doctor says, "You know three Viagra pills three nights in a row is pretty dangerous for a man of your age". "I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out." The man says, "You have a deal, Doc." Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor says, "What happened"? The man answered, "nobody showed up!" The morning after... A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays in the bar until it closes, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he fall over backwards and land flat on his rear. That wouldn't have been so bad, except he had a couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke. The broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk he didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he notices blood. So he checks himself out in the mirror, and sure enough, his butt is cut up something terrible. He expiated the damage as best he could and went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear as hurting. He was hiding under the covers trying to Think up a good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. "Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?" "I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers." "A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?" "What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" "Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band aids stuck to the mirror." |