

The guy replies, "I'm late for work, officer."
"What do you do?"
"Well, I'm a rectum stretcher."
"What? A rectum stretcher?"
The guy explains, "I start with a finger, then work my way up to two fingers... eventually I get a hand in, then both hands, and I slowly stretch it until it's about six feet wide." The curious cop asks, "What do you do with a six-foot asshole?" The guy answers, "You give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a bridge."