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"ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY"
According to Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, a “groupie” is someone who is a fan of a rock group. One who follows that group around attending their concerts. We all know, however, that the popular consensus of what a groupie is has to do with sex between the “fan” and the “musician.”
Call them what you want, but there have always been women at concerts who would be willing to have sex with the band members. I’ve read accounts of this going all the way back to the big band jazz era, and realistically, Mozart and Beethoven probably had groupies too. Furthermore, groupies aren’t exclusive to musicians. Movie stars have them, professional athletes have them and yes, even your local newscasters (the good looking ones anyway) have them as well.
But there is something that draws women to musicians. “Jade” explains her attraction to rock musicians: “They create art, and in that, create magic. The shows are always a good time and everything is fueled by sex. You can watch a guy on stage and know what he looks like in bed. They're fun people to be around and they are great lovers. And they just turn me on more than regular guys do, especially the ones who still have long hair.”
“Heather” explains similar feelings about the rocker guys that she been involved with: “I've found that a lot of musicians are very smooth when it comes to talking to the ladies. The guy that I'm 'seeing’ now seems to always have the right things to say. I also love it when a guy really gets into his playing on stage. It's such a turn on to think that a man is putting his everything into playing his instrument and he's so passionate about it.”
The last of our trio whom we’ll call “Abby” chimes in, “Its really hard to date a normal guy after being with a musician. Not just because of their obvious talent. They are just more decadent. That is good and bad in a way. They are not too trustworthy.”
Abby, Heather and Jade all have stories to tell about the whole trust factor, or lack thereof, when dating musicians. “The hardest part is all the attention they get from other women,” says Abby. “It was really hard to always see other women talking to them and flirting. Lots of numbers being given. No one cared if you were seeing them or not. The rockers have a reputation for [indulging] and who can blame them with it [being] so available. If you are just in it for fun then great times could be had, however if you are unlucky enough to fall in love with one, there are always doubts - big doubts - about monogamy. Itt takes a tough chick to deal with that kind of lifestyle.”
The most difficult aspect of being involved with musicians is, according to Heather, “knowing that they're leaving the next morning and you're not sure how long it will be before you see them again. Knowing that girls are throwing themselves at them at every show and they love it. I would like to think that there are some musicians out there that are genuinely nice guys who would be faithful to their women. I have yet to meet one.”
Another interesting twist is that each of these three women has been lovers with at least one musician where they were not the primary girlfriend.
“It takes a lot of talent to be able to deal with being around the main girlfriend when you are the other woman”, says Jade. “Most of these 'girlfriends' don't realize just how many of the band's female friends are sleeping with (or have slept with) guys in the band. So you either avoid the girlfriend all together if you have guilt issues, or you deal with her in the most civil way that you can. This is harder to do though depending on how strong your feelings are for the guy. If you’re in love with him, you’re in for a rough ride.”
“One of [the guys I was seeing] had a very serious girlfriend that I was aware of and another had one that lived in another state but came in to go to shows now and then. That was hard”, remarks Abby. “I would get upset when they would come to shows because my musician would then not pay me any attention if she was there. I wouldn’t let on to him that it hurt me but it did.”
“I wonder sometimes if it's worse off to be the clueless girlfriend who doesn't realize who else her boyfriend is fooling around with or to be the lover/friend who knows exactly what she's up against”, adds Jade. “I do realize that it’s girls like me who are part of the very problem that I have with being involved with musicians. And yes, some women would hate me if they knew about some of the things I’ve done. But if anyone thinks for a second that this kind of thing only happens in the rock scene then they’re being pretty naïve. Bankers, preachers, you name it. Hell, what about Clinton and Monica?”, laughed Jade. “Not that I’m condoning my actions or those of anyone else, but all I’m saying is that it happens all the time. And for myself anyway, it’s a weakness. Musicians just seem to know how to tap right into my soul and into the core of my sexuality.”
“Overall I try to stay clear of musicians because, from my experience, they just want to get laid, which means that they've had a lot of partners. Plus, they'll be on their way to the next show and you'll be left behind. I try to protect myself against that kind of thing, however, some people just seem to have a hold on me for some reason. I can't explain it”, says Heather.
When each of these women was asked if they consider themselves to be “groupies”, each had a completely different response.
Abby laughed and said, “Yeah, I was a groupie. That doesn’t offend me at all.”
Heather, on the other hand, was more vehement in her response: “I don't consider myself a groupie. I consider a groupie as one that will [be with] about any guy that's in a band and she'll do as many guys as possible only because of their name and identity. The reason that I don't consider myself a groupie is because the three people that I've been involved with were ongoing and I was only with them at the time. I wasn't sleeping with anybody else but them.”
Jade laughed before responding to the groupie question. “Well, I never did think of myself as a groupie, not seriously anyway, until recently when I found myself sleeping with two guys in the same band. It's nothing for them to look out into the audience and see several women that they've slept with, but it's entirely different to be an audience member and look up knowing that you've been with more than one guy in the same band. It's kind of weird and it opens up a whole new can of worms if you don't want the guys to know that you're sleeping with them both", said Jade.
Love them or hate them, the groupies will always be there. It’s important to realize that the relationship between musician and "groupie" is an intimate and complex symbiosis. Without either participant, the situation wouldn’t exist. So who’s to say who’s more decadent? More wrong? Less trustworthy? One should never judge someone ‘til they’ve walked a mile in their spandex.
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