Thoughtful

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Conflict Within
Crazy
Demon Friend
Emptiness
Fly And Crash
Forgiveness
Haunted
Heavens Full Of Hell
Here I Am
Monsters
Much Ado About Nothing
Nothing
No One
Numb
Razorblades And A Bleeding Rose
Shattered Dreams
The Darkening Of The Light
The Drug Filled Body
The Photo World
The Undead
The Un-National Anthem
The Wrath Of God Pierces My Soul
You Will Know
© 
Back Up Fly And Crash Furious you scream in pain But it dissolves into a twisted whine. You're doing someone else's best to Ignore the telltale sign. Live for the magic beans That can make you fly. Always life ahead If only you would try. You tell yourself no One more day But there you go again You do it anyway. Oh how nice it feels Until the wings are gone Now you lie alone once more And curse the sadistic dawn. So you say instead of one You'll just take five or four And you needn't come back You'll fly in sable forever more. © Back Up Haunted The shadow of my ghosts With echoing tears Dance in the dark Magnifying my fears They swirl around the room And ominously taunt me Predicting my doom They haunt me They sing their sad song That only I hear A tune played far too long And replayed in my ear The tune has been there For decades past Yet it still plays near Dizzyingly fast Like a girl's little music box But it echoes like death The whole room rocks As I hold my breath The music slows I see a small child Pale face of Below Yet this girl looks mild She looks at me And smiles a sad grin Then it fades and she says, 'Now, where to begin.... We wanted to help you You've been through a lot But it seems that we've hurt you More often than not We know how you fear us And how you are scared But now we are leaving We don't think you care You couldn't just listen To us in your dreams You were to scared To hear us, it seems You've been haunted so long Now your ghosts shall rest When we're forgotten We'll be whispers at best.' And my ghosts went away To where, I don't know They receded to darkness And left a faint glow As I walk away from them As the mind they host I realize that I Will miss my ghosts. © Back Up Heavens Full Of Hell Live your life in darkness, or somewhere in between, But not in light- There is more darkness in light than there is in darkness itself Like Hearts full of love and worlds full of hate. And darkness full of light, sorrow full of happiness. Cruelness full of good intentions, ugliness full of beauty. Lives full of death, Heavens full of Hell. Now matter how good something is, there is still bad. Cold fire- Sunshine in this dreary world. The better your life, the worse off you are. The more known you are, the lonelier you'll be in your darkest hours. The more people you love, the more people hate you. The more people you trust, the more you'll be let down. The bigger your heart, the more it will be broken. The better your life is now, the worse it will be in the next, A short happy stroll up the hill of life Means a long painful climb up the mountain death. A mind full of thoughts means a mouth full usless information. A life full of light means a death full of darkness, And in the end, does anything matter? Darkness is the essence of fear, Light is all that is good. Or should we fear light? Yes, anything that is light, fear... There is more to fear in what you see, But in darkness you see nothing, And nothing sees you. You could run forever, but never reach anything, Speak forever, but never say a word, Live forever, but never have a life. You can hide in darkness, and be seen in light. Life, light, darkness, death: Some are fortunate enough to choose..... Darkness............death........life........light? It is so confusing! But........ All can be seen in light, all can be known in life, All can be lost in death,but in darkness you cannot be seen, You can not live, and you can not loose. Light is the essence of fear, darkness is all that is good. © Back Up Here I am I have seen it in dream This dream put me on a stage A stage in which there is no audiance The only one there is me I have been left alone and i realize On this stage i have no friends I have no love no cares no fear nothing I am alone and i feel it all sliping away But i know that im standing alone I've felt this before and i know what to do There is only one thing i can do I must push away what i know I must trust only me and keep me for me They will never be like me This place is lonely its cold its full of hatred I hate this place but i will continue show I'll show them what i want them to see I'll show them me the me we are suposed to hide The person that makes us realize that we are all alone And there is no one here but you Maybe one day i will find someone to come on stage with me So i dont have to be up here all alone Then they will see all of us And realize that when you have to stand alone and you can do it with out any one People will come and stand with you because they know you are stong You have been alone and if they stay with you they will be strong too... So take my hand and we will be together Then we will show them all That we are strong and that we were made to be here On this stage the stage of our lives. We will show them what they need to be shown © Back Up Monsters evil is created rarely born inside blame it on the child society closes its eyes we love to throw around names the monsters destroy our security but they are not extraordinary they are our own children they are our fathers and brothers they are us we think we are safe from the insanity but its so close wed be amazed breathing down our neck ready to bite when our guard is down the line is so thin so easily overstepped we are all so safe until a little push right over the edge just enough more stress and someone ends up dead we are the murderers we are the ones who create we are the rapists on the 10 o'clock news we are the monsters © Back Up uch Ado About Nothing Sitting here lost within my own self Biding time until the nothing creeps in and will credulity me whole again There is nothing anyone can do about it Why it comes there is no answer it only leaves you with more questions then before 'depression' is what some call it but I shall call it nothing because it is simply that a void in life meant to engulf you in flames of self misery and yet you are not armed. Defenses fall in seconds because faith is lost and the will to survive ran away with it's tail between it's legs. I am only 18 and I am still swallowed whole by this darkness that has crept in through a locked and padded door. It sends your mind in overdrive, trying to contemplate life, God, and everything in between. But then you discover nothing matters because what is the use of the bother to believe in a God that has brought you to such a horrible place and left you no exit nor any armor. And as far as life goes well we already know it as dull and filled with ignorance that has the most putrid of odors it's hard to not notice it. But yet it comes and there is nothing to do about it but well nothing... © Back Up Numb Disturbing obsession awed by blood and gore Attachment to death stronger than ever before Scared of emotions Violence is embraced An image to be upheld Incompassion saves face Numb to the sorrow Numb to the pain Staring at the dead eyes absorb the depraved The desire for blood lies in how we were raised We hide from who we are A fallacy to be maintained Beneath the love of death Burried are guilt and shame A generation obsessed with the morbid The desensitized youth seek the asorbic A generation numb to the violence The rotting minds sadistic reliance Scared of emotions Violence is embraced An image to be upheld Incompassion saves face A generation obsessed with the morbid The desensitized youth seek the asorbic A generation numb to the violence The rotting minds crave murder in silence Numb to the sorrow Numb to the pain A generation of death A generation inhumane © Back Up Razorblade And A Bleeding Rose A lovely redness, Beating through us every second we exist, But we can never truly feel it until it has left Our body. A new being entirely, its own self, Like nothing else. You see it as something ugly, Something horrid and revolting, Foreign. But isn't that all we are? Blood? It should be treasured, Incorporated into ourselves, Into our souls. Wholly it's our warmth, Our only warmth in such a cold And unforgiving world. We must love it. We must feel it. You must feel it. Running down our cold skin in rivulets, Seeping slowly out of our body, Our life force oozing into sticky wetness beneath our toes. Only then do we appreciate it. A force we can neither deny nor explain, Something we can only truly admire in its loss. We never miss it until it's gone. We can only experience its lovely loss in death, One final time, one final unity among self, body, and soul. But then you may never relive it. A razor blade and a bleeding rose... © Back Up Shattered Dreams We live our life striving for the best, We take each day one step at a time, Love is a gamble we all try to play, Those lucky few find love that will stay, The rest of us live on Shattered Dreams, Endlessly searching for a love that's true, Finding this person may take a lifetime, And for some of us we never will, Shattered Dreams is all we will ever endure, Life is for chances to take, Whether we fail or succeed we try anyways, They say only the strong survive, These words are not true, For as long as you live and try to succeed, We are all strong in spirit in our own way, So let's not let these Shattered Dreams last, Take control of the future, Let go of your painful past, If the past remains fresh in your memory, Shattered Dreams is all that remains, If the past is let go and you start again, You will receive a whole new world of happiness and love, So I ask you my friend, Is life worth living just Shattered Dreams? © Back Up The Darkening of the Light Lonely was the sad little boy in the corner. Tears rolled quietly from his broken eyes Death played a funeral march upon his face. Fear of being alive tore him apart Too fragile of a mind to comprehend his own thoughts. A sad little boy, a broken toy lays beside him Is all of life full of nothing but Disappointments and shattered dreams? All alone in an unknown world Nobody there to even play with Terrible fears of the world around him Brought here against his will... ...without his permission. The sorrow in his big brown eyes Speaks so much more loudly than words Of sadness, depression, disappointment, and promises broken. Nine years old, nothing more than a fragile flower Of what one day he will grow to be And already he knows of pain, loneliness, Hurt, rejection, and misery. Lonely is the sad man in the corner. Forgotten. © Back Up The Drug Filled Body light flashes energy fueled sparks faint sparks circuits wired power on surges no protection more surges thirst sizzle smoke rising burning deep sleep sirens light flashes power on 'CLEAR' flashes 'CLEAR' speeding 'STAND BACK' 'CLEAR' plastic bag zipper toe tag Flatline © Back Up The photo world We all scream like we're hurting The pain is just a decal What if we feel nothing at all? And if the world is just a lie imaginations gone wild what if we have no reality at all? What if we have nothing to feel? What if you can't feel? You just think they're emotions but they aren't real If the world has gone dry too late to try so your intentions just say 'nothing left but to die' Give up, the world is just a Dali with a thousand lies Intricate words on a page played out on a stage Your angel of hope is just a doll with the locust wings Scissors cut a smile and a mask of a beautiful child © Back Up The Un-national Anthem your country dispises me, sweet land of poverty, emptyness fills me, the land of the law... home with the pain inside, home where our futures died, from every gravesite, the blood runs thin... you are to blind to see, your countrys raping me, cant you just set me free, just let me live... home where the infants cried, home where the world has died, living like a parasite, and claim to be free... © Back Up The Undead Blackest night of the year Hold me tight in abject fear Evil creatures lurk all around Malevolent features of visage abound Fiends and phantoms lure me close with spectral anthems of long dead ghosts Approach the chasm with evil delight Embrace the phantasm of blackest night As terror departs there is no dread No soul, no heart I am the undead........ © Back Up The Wrath Of God Peirces My Soul Sitting..... Waiting.... dying..... crying... trying. trying to escape the flaming rapier, but it finds my every fault, it rights, my every wrong. confuses me, makes me ask, do i really belong? i better find out, because im fading fast, the rapier pierces my soul, as i bleed... i Sit.....and Wait....to die i try not to cry, i ask god why. god replies 'its the flaming rapier, the wrath of god, of me.' © Back Up You Will Know When sight comes to blind eyes When words fall on deaf ears When horrors await the blessed You will hide When love comes to a hollow heart When glory falls to those shamed When rotten fruit awaits those with taste You will run When you keep it all to yourself When you hide away from the world When you walk down a lonely path You will weep You will know in every fiber of your being Your soul will experience pain Your mind will be an unholy prison You will suffer You will be trapped and alone You will be criticized All because you kept it all in You will regret When you feel solitude When you know suffering When you learn the truth You will know © Back Up Conflict Within For millennia, devil and angel have woven themselves among man Since God created our �wondrous' world with passion It took Him six days to create the land Perhaps he should have spent the seventh on compassion For human nature has never been stable We've always either chosen heaven or hell Our siding readies to snap like a cable This curse continues it's devilish spell Why these ways we follow? Why do we choose to live at all? As we begin to live our lives more like thralls� a-hollow Suicide starts its relieving crawl As life has never been worth living Our entire being worthless Our bodies continually shriveling Life being a useless test Ashes to ashes, dust to dust Life itself, we strive to tame Yet our bodies shall be swept away by Death's gust Our test, in the end, appears futile, lame Our leisures from the past Seem to now fade These joys shall never last As we hide in Life's shade All our past loves Our emotions, they have stained We now release them like doves As all they bring, is pain But as we hear Death's silent, mad laughter We tend to hesitate We see our future burning even harsher But we concentrate on life's hate Our life source falls to the ground We feel we have done right As He eats, our benevolent Bloodhound We feel our failing might Death stretches out his wiry arm And we tightly grasp him Our body feels no alarm As the light does slowly dim Senses slow to a silent shimmer All bodily functions dismiss Our consciousness turning dimmer Death's laughter now a snake-like hiss Our loss of life seems to set everything right Seems to set everything clean But as we realise that there is no light We commence our eternal scream Of silence� © Back Up Crazy Trapped inside my own head With nothing but my own fevered dreams to comfort me. I know the pain of the madman; He lives inside of me. I've felt the strength of demons And the weakness of self- preservation. And hope. Hope. Hey, parents, do you know where your kids are tonight? Are they locked away inside of themselves? Are their minds slipping away? Mama hen, mama hen . . . The fox has taken your baby again. Precious minds are a shame to waste Memories are forgotten in haste. I am losing all that is me . . . Yet gaining something entirely different. Something that acts like an animal And speaks like God. Comforts me like a best friend And loves me like its child. I am its child. An innocent brat, ready for its teachings. Ready to do what is told to me. Believing all that is said to me. Taking in all. And living off of my fevered dreams. © Back Up Demon Friend I can break a will of stone, No man can conquer me of his own, And when you think I'm finally dead, That's when I really get to your head I can take on any form, I'm sometimes cold, sometime warm No one can keep me out of your mind, And when I'm around no peace you can find Boredom is my lover, contentness my friend, For that's the time I come back again, I can sneak up on you before you can see, I will never rest, I can never let you be So watch out for me, you may think I'm your friend, But all I want is to kill you in the end, I offer quick happiness, temporary peace And I can be very fun to say the least But when you are in misery, you'll still come looking for me And I'll be there, forcing you to do my will, Just so you can experience one last thrill. . . © Back Up Emptiness The cold breeze tethered the darkness to the horizon, erasing the unfamiliar view. Have you ever seen a black flame? Well I have; I felt it; sometimes I can still feel it. It comes back like the waves of the sea keep on slashing onto the frayed shore... In some strange way it gives some estimation, a humble feeling that fears the thought of resistance. Then mistically it goes out, like the aurora appears at night... Emptiness takes over it's course...How ironic, filled up with emptiness... Miss Agony comes in search of her children. River of tears flow, running away from her, untill they to disappear into the thin air. Like a lonely dog, I wonder into the mist; don't see nobody who thinks he cares. Preocupied by my own pale thoughts, I walk alone into the darkness and lonely I face the eternity... © Back Up Forgiveness Forgiveness is a cup of which none shall drink. Why then are all forgiven? That which you where after is now after you. Why then are all forgiven? You turn to your fellow man and say "Let me place a curse on you that you might die alone in misery and sorrow." Whey then are all forgiven? They breathe down your neck and let out an awful shriek. horrible creatures of the night. stalking your every move as if a shadow on the wall. You turn away, but also turn a listening ear in curiosity. It killed the cat you know. Pulled out its innards with the black foggy jaws of death "Why should I lend a helpful hand?" you say "Does the feline not have 8 lives left in which to die?" The seed of a new beginning is ripped from it's place by latex covered hands The people cry "I shall not believe, for I am too evolved to become stupid by faith." The hand of hell grasps out to you, and you shake it and say "Well done friend." You lie, steal, destroy, kill, and rape the land. Yet from the clouds one kind word is still ever spoken "All is forgiven." © Back Up No One Trapped alone No one to run to No one to learn from No one who feels your pain Constantly searching for someone to understand But no one ever does When your best friend seems further away then your acquaintance Is when you realize you have no one When you feel you're only good for one thing And that one thing's never what you want You seem stuck in a world with no one And it hurts you When those you reach out to Use you for that one thing And those you love most joke about it You have no one And it hurts you So you lie on the floor by yourself Watching movies you hate Hoping someone Anyone Will come and save you But no one ever does © Back Up Nothing falling away away from the world that has punctured the mind away from the body that has left me behind away from the temptation that let me burn with pain away from the poison that drug me to my death bed away from the sinners and the sinned away from the wonderful life that has thrown me aside away from the 'love' that has brought me here here in teh dark hole of hell this silent, isolated, black space yet it is nothing at all nothing, and it is making me the same I have sinned the impossible I was untrue to the mind I let go of the unknown I ripped apart the imperfact and what I am let with now is nothing...... and this nothing is making me the same I have given pain and now I must recieve it even worse what goes around comes around but by the time it reaches me it is nothing and I am nothing no heart, no mind, no soul lifeless, I didn't care then and they don't care now I am forgotten and left behind set in the only place they knew where to put me nowhere I have no place because I am now ....nothing.... © 1
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