I'm sure you probably know this already, but Mrs. Gwin has recently passed away and is now up there with you. I found out just this morning, though I believe it happened on Monday.
They made an announcement at the school where she worked and it really hurt my little sister, because she was very close to her. She cried for almost an hour straight and as I tried my best to comfort her, I remembered a very similiar situation that took place not too long ago...
There were so many things I wanted to tell you...and have wanted to tell you since that day when my entire life was turned upside down.
I remember the day right before you left school forever with the strongest details and most vivid of memories. You had just returned from the hospital and I was a bit angry with you because of your stubborn pride, not wanting anyone to know just how sick you were. (You were always a very proud man when it came to your health!)
I remember walking into your classroom before anyone else was there and sitting on the edge of your desk before you acknowledged my presence with that familiar light smile of yours. I demanded to know why you had lied to me the week before when you said 'everything was fine'and since then I have forever regretted my sharp words and accusations. I was just so mad...I was hurt that you wouldn't let me know what was really wrong.
But you just waved it away casually as you always did and I could do no more than allow you your silence.
Then at lunch that very day you walked past me and I saw you holding your side where the surgery had been performed and again I questioned what was wrong and you again tried to brush it off.
Why were you always so proud?! Why didn't you let someone truly know what was wrong instead of trying to hide it? We were all worried about you! Any of your students would have...
There I go again... accusing... even when I'm trying to say I'm sorry for that very thing.
But you have no idea how much it hurt when you tried to hide the fact that you were in pain!
Then there was the night you passed away...and I remember even then feeling a sick feeling in my stomach. I knew something was wrong but I didn't stop to consider what it was... Perhaps I was trying to lie to myself and try to trick myself into thinking it was nothing at all.
...Then there was the darkest day of my entire life when Kaleigh told me that you had passed away in the night. I couldn't think...I couldn't speak... I couldn't breathe.
You were gone, and with you died a part of me that I will never be able to claim again. I had given a piece of my very soul to you and it was now gone.
I slipped into a state of depression. I began to question my own life and what it was possibly worth if I were only to wind up dead in the end anyways.
Thank God I had friends like Whitney and Kaleigh to help me in those times or who knows what might have happened, such was my helpless thoughts.
And that's what I was too! Completely helpless! I felt so lost without you there to guide me as you always had... I would have given anything to have seen you again..
I don't know why I'm writing this letter exactly.. Maybe to get some pent up feelings out of me... To ask for your forgivenance... I don't know.
However, what I do want to tell you is that I love you. I never got a chance to say that. Which is anything thing I sorely regret.
I love you so much that it almost hurts. You were my one true mentor and there will never be another like you... And I like to believe that you are my true guardian angel...sent merely from heaven to guide me for a time before returning...
...Well, anyways, I have to go... Homework to do and such. Tell Mrs. Gwin that we miss her for me.
-With all my most sincere and heartfelt love-~*Angela*~
