okay, it is really late as i'm writing this but i knew by the time morning gets here i would have forgotten it all. now, some of you might remember the really bizarre dream that i had awhile back... well, tonight i am almost completely sure that i met "him" again...
i can't remember this one in as much detail as i remembered the last, but i shall do my best to recall as much as i possibly can...
there was a ball and all of the socially elite were there. this palace reminded me of all the pictures i have seen of the romanov' palace in russia so i can't help but wonder if that is where it took place (though the setting never remained exactly the same as it never does in any dreams).
i stood off to the side and watched as several couples took part in a dance of some sort.
then i heard someone call my name (and for the life of me i wish i could remember what they called me, but i can't!) and i turned about to see two men walking towards me. i recognized the man on the right and curtsied to him with some kind of greeting...but i did not know the one on the left...
then the man that i knew introduced him as "john". (now this startled me for two reasons...one, because normally people were introduced with a title and a last name...and two, because now that i think back on it, this man greatly resembled the john that i know..)
i curtsied to john and he bowed in turn.. i can remember feeling something sinister about him and i didn't feel comfortable with his presence. he was tall and dark...i can't remember exactly what he looked like. but i *do* remember his eyes...and i fear that such eyes will either haunt me for the rest of my life or inspire me to write some truly dark bit of prose.
the man that had presented john to me was now gone somehow and john asked if i would care to dance. afraid to anger this man i accepted and allowed him to lead me to the dance floor just as the musicians were striking up a new song.
this song was strangely dark in comparison to the lighthearted ones that would have normally been played. it reminded me a bit of 'el tango de roxanne' from moulin rouge. i was wrapped in john's embrace and we began to dance...though the only thing i truly remember was the look in his eyes that sent a shiver running through me.
the room was now gloomy...and i remembered what i had written about dancing in "embracing the darkness". it can only be compared to flirting with death for that was the kind of sensation it inspired in me.
suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder and we stopped dancing. the music had stopped. i turned around and for the first time i saw "him".
i have to admit he didn't look at all like i had thought he would. not as youthful...not as lively...
he was an older man, though not to be considered "old" by any means. i'm guessing around twenty-eight perhaps.. his hair was a chocolat-y brown and tied back in at the base of his neck in a small ponytail. there was an odd scar that ran across his left cheek. it wasn't a scar that could have been caused by a blade because it was two wide and ragged for such a clean cut.
his eyes were odd for i have never seen eyes like his before...they were somewhat sad and hopeless...but with an incredible amount of wisdom behind them. (what could he possibly have seen to put such a profound amount of feelings behind his gaze?)
he asked john if he might speak with me alone...
i can't recall exactly what happened then. all i know is john allowed it after a bit of argument and i was led out onto the balcony.
there was full, orange moon.
this man (oh, how i wish he had told me his name!) would not face me, but instead set his hands firmly on the balcony railing and looked outward. he seemed so terribly sad and my heart was breaking for him though i knew not what was wrong.
after a moment he asked simply "do you love him?"
did i love him? did i love *who*? i have no idea who he was talking about, yet in my dream i obviously did because i felt sad that he should ask me that.
i didn't answer him...
"it can't go on," he said. "this facade of yours. in three months we return to europe. his majesty has need of our information."
so then are we spies or something...?
i walked up and stood beside him before wrapping my arms around him and just holding him close to me. after a hesitant moment he returned the embrace... there were no words said and i do not believe any words were meant to be said...
and that is all i remember..
okay, it is now 4:00 in the morning so i'm going back to bed. i just had to write this down before i forgot about it.
::sighs:: there's little doubt that "specter" will soon suffer because of all these dreams. whitney, be prepared to help write!
