alright...here ya go. A little on my muse vincent...but not from his POV. His is gonna come along as soon as I get up the energy to do it. But this is a little bit on his character, as seen from the POV of his sort-of girlfriend, Lucrecia. Vincent: *hates this story, so no comment* So, although I didn't want to, blame sappy and Kiri and the others for this. I wrote it 2 years ago...my first piece of "true" fanfiction... Here ya go. Enjoy, and don't hit me. Too hard. *********** Darkest Days er...by Lucrecia I've never liked Lucrecia that well. Blame it on the fanfics, but after seeing how selfishly she hurt Vincent, I frankly want to kill her for what she's done to him...;_; grrr... Anyway, since I think she was only using him, I decided to write a fic from her point of view. She deserves Hojo! It hurt, just to write about it...but I think it suits her...so enjoy!(Or maybe not, if you like her)It's kind of an interesting concept, though... p.s. the quote is from the lyrics of a song that I feel sets the stage for the story. all disclaimers, copyrights, and credit be observed...non-profit, blah, blah... ************************************************* ...If I cried me a river of all my confessions, would I drown in my shallow regret? --from 'black' by Sarah McLachlan ************************************************* Journal entry 2-14-03 a.s. (after shinra's rise) My name is Lucrecia...Marchand, not Valentine. Oh, I know it could have been, If only I had wanted it. I had him wrapped around my finger. Some people are so blind. I still remember the first time I saw him, in the ShinRa Headquarters in Midgar. I didn't know what they, the Turks, were at that time, but I had my doubts about him. I suppose it was in his eyes. The cold blooded, murderous gaze that could burn a person down in their shoes. The eyes of a professional killer. But still, he was kind of handsome, in a dark sort of way... The gods must have an ironic sense of humor, because a few days later I met him...in the research library in Midgar. I was trying to find a book on Cetras for Gast, and I ran into him while he was creeping around. I tried to ignore him for a while, but he asked my name. Being in a good mood, I decided to speak to him. I learned his name was Vincent. Vincent Valentine. I actually kind of liked that name. Somehow, I was lured into conversation with him, and I was almost impressed with his meager knowledge of a subject he had no business in. I still don't know what really happened, but I returned to talk to him many times. I admit, I almost enjoyed the discussions, at least he tried... It was during one of our little conversations that I found out about his "occupation," one of President ShinRa's lapdogs...The Turks. My heart filled with loathing. He was a murderer, an assassin... whenever the President said jump...he'd just ask how high. Complete and total obedience, a slave groveling to his master for a simple gil. It was at the Laboratory I spent my finest hours. Nothing else mattered to me, but the projects...the experiments. It was there I fell in love...his name was Hojo... He seemed to be the perfect man. He was so intelligent, and some of the ideas he had were amazing. But he really was the kind you could never touch-just worship him from afar. And he made it clear from the start that he had no interest in me as an individual, but he thoroughly admired my scientific mind. I liked it that way, and I couldn't help falling for him. Soon after, Gast, Hojo, our new project-JENOVA and I were relocated to a huge mansion overlooking Nibelheim. I didn't like the small-town feeling, but I was so taken with the JENOVA project that I didn't have time to notice otherwise. By some ill-fated chance, some weird twist of fate, Vincent was the Turk assigned to our group. It was around that time that I noticed changes in Vincent. I had been spending time with him for almost 6 months, and I had almost become comfortable with his bloody nature. I guess somewhere there was a soul in that killing machine. But I couldn't help feeling like he was beneath me. A scientist...and a Turk! I'd never heard anything crazier in my life. But I guess he thought something could come of it. One day, I noticed him waiting for me after the end of a hard day's work. He asked me if I would accompany him on a walk, and I agreed, intrigued by his strange behavior. I still can't believe what happened that night. We walked a long time, along a trail that led up the Nibel mountains. The town looked so much better from above. After a mile or so had passed, he finally stopped, and looked at me. The expression of his eyes in the moonlight ...finally I understood. He was in love...with me...and that was why he had brought me up here. Vincent was in love with me. I didn't want his love, didn't ask for it...but an idea came to me so suddenly, I almost laughed. Hojo and I, we had been brainstorming ideas for experiments, and I had a potential subject standing here before me. We had already tried a few experiments with JENOVA, infusing the alien's cells with those of humans, mainly SOLDIERs, Shinra's pet guard dogs. Only then, we believed JENOVA was a Cetra, not some bloodthirsty, avenging monster... somewhat like Vincent himself. I was surprised the idea had not come to me sooner. Vincent had superior reflexes and abilities, as did all the turks. The president disagreed with the infusion of his precious lapdogs, he liked them fine as they were. But if I could just get close enough to him... So I told him I loved him as well. Oh, god, what a brilliant piece of work that was! It came about rather similar to one of those pathetic romance movies. I'll admit, he was a quite attractive man, but a scientist such as myself has no time for a personal life. My very existence was tied to JENOVA, moreso than even I realized. After the 'incident' on the mountain, I went straight home to call Hojo. He was, as I predicted, delighted with the prospect of doing something useful with the turk. I had a feeling Hojo didn't care too much for him anyway. But Hojo had a better idea. It was a while later, I still kept my charade with Vincent running. Hojo, Gast, and I were in the lab, running a few tests, when we started discussing future experiments. It was Hojo's idea, to infuse a fetus with the cells of JENOVA. Gast and I agreed it would be a feasible experiment, and we had been disappointed with the matured human-JENOVA hybrids. They proved too unstable, and even the child-JENOVA hybrids were unsuccessful. But a fetus...it would work, since the fetus had not had time to adjust to their surroundings. It would have worked, too, in my opinion, if JENOVA had been a Cetra, as we had believed. During the course of the next week, my colleagues and I drew up the terms of this experiment. We were too careful to perform the experiment on just any woman, it was an incredibly fragile procedure with too many unknown factors. So naturally, I volunteered, to carry this child, one of the most earth-breaking experiments ever performed since the discovery of Mako energy. Then it came time to decide on a father for this child. It had to be someone superior, who could be trusted. Naturally, Gast was too old, Hojo wanted no part of it... But then, Gast brought forth what seemed to be a suitable person. He nominated Vincent. He and I were supposedly 'close', he would never expect the true nature of this 'relationship', he had dominant traits in all physical areas-the perfect match. Despite my protests, Hojo agreed with Gast, and the preparations were made. Vincent had no clue as to what was really going on. I suppose you could say he was rather happy with the notion of he and I. I, however, felt rather ill at the prospect. I had no particular liking for him, but to use a person like that seemed kind of cruel. But Hojo said it wasn't wrong, science isn't always kind, and knowledge comes first to feelings. Like a good little girl, I believed him, why would Hojo lie to me? So, one night, a long night spent with Vincent, I subtly took a few tissue samples for examination, to make sure the child would not have some disease overlooked by the Shinra files kept on him. The next morning I left before he had risen yet. I still remember his expression, a sort of childlike joy I had thought impossible on such a killer. Remembering Hojo's words, I made my escape back to the laboratory. We performed a thorough examination of the samples, and came to a stunning conclusion. It was Hojo who found the defect, and I almost thought I saw some kind of an ironic smile tug at the corner of his mouth, a sign of victory, perhaps. All the same, we were quite stunned, and perhaps disappointed to learn that the exalted turk, Mr. Valentine, was sterile. He was an ideal specimen. So we had to come up with a Plan B. In the end, Hojo agreed, at Gast's persistence, to father this child, which was kind of a blow to my womanly ego. I didn't think I was that repulsive to him. To my surprise, Hojo began to talk to me, about more than just the project. At the same time I tried to push my guilt back, having not spoken to Vincent since that night. I supposed Hojo was trying to make this thoroughly awkward situation less so, but one evening, when we were dining out at some hole-in-the-wall cafe in town, he told me the real reason he was warming up to me. I listened on in amazement, as Hojo told me how he had liked me since I had begun the project, and his own fear of rejection that had kept him so distant. Once I had confessed my mutual attraction to him, he did something so unbelievable, it still haunts me to this day. Professor Hojo, genius of the JENOVA project, scientific prodigy of the planet, asked me to marry him. And so I sold my soul. The next morning, platinum ring on my finger, I ran into Vincent. I knew I could never tell him the 'truth' of our 'relationship', but he saw the ring and looked at me in such a way I knew I could say no more. I fled, to Hojo, to the only stability I knew. Vincent never bothered to call me again after that day. He avoided me at all costs. I guess he had no interest in me as a person after all. It was only after I started showing signs of pregnancy that he spoke to me again. Apparently, he had been through the files, and found out about the experiment, how Hojo and I, as we took our wedding vows, exchanged an injection of JENOVA instead of the traditional wedding band. Gast did not participate in the infusion, since he wasn't a factor in this particular experiment. Hojo and I had both infused ourselves before conception, as to make sure the fetus would have as much JENOVA as possible in him. After the long and laborous pregnancy, the baby was born. Sephiroth. I had witnessed over the course of the nine months, how Hojo had changed. I suspected it was due to the instability of the JENOVA cells, but it was only then I realized that he had led me along by the nose ever since I had been on the project, only then that I realized the true extent of his clever manipulations. As soon as possible, he tore Sephiroth out of my arms, straight down to the laboratory, reminding me that the only reason he was born was for this experiment. I had known this, and tried to steel myself for it, but a mother is never prepared to let go of her child, to toss the innocent babe to the hungry wolf. I fled in desperation, to find some solace from this tragic outcome. I knew Hojo. Now that my part in this experiment was over, he had no more use for me. I would never see my son again. I fled to the mountains, coincidentally, or maybe not so, to where Vincent had spoken to me so long ago. I wanted only to be alone...but there was someone else there as well. To my surprise, Vincent sat on the cliff, those moody grey eyes staring out to gods know where. I tried to retreat silently, but he turned to me. Instantly, the aura of calm surrounding him was replaced by one of sadness--heart-wrenching pain I knew was because of me. I turned to leave, but he spoke. Despite my manipulations, he had the courage to ask me what was wrong. In my need for comfort, I told him, one mistake I should never have made. I forgot how protective he was. He made it clear he was still there for me, all I had to do was ask. Never had I felt worse, it was if his very presence drove the twisted dagger of guilt deeper into my broken heart. Every time I saw his face, I was reminded of the sins I'd committed, against him...against my beautiful baby boy... I realized I was the monster, not him. I never spoke to him again after that. After a reassignment to Wutai, I received a letter from Gast, revealing news that only served to compound my grief. Vincent, that noble fool, tried to confront Hojo. Even I knew the folly of that. He had not been killed, but Hojo had experimented on him. Knowing Hojo, I also knew his dislike for Vincent, and his sadistic lust for cruelty and vengeance. Those two factors combined, I knew Vincent would never be the same. Mako infusion, possible JENOVA infusion, if Hojo believed him worthy. I cringe, realizing that had once been my idea. All for me...it was all my fault... Gast disappeared not long after, and I know they will soon come from me. No one can hide from the Shinra, they're everywhere. Yes, I broke into the Shinra network access mainframe, and tried to call up his files, they had been purged. As had mine. As had Vincent's. But on entering Hojo's files, I found a single clue--specimen NM 334-623. Human male...in unnatural stasis... Was this the supposedly 'cold-hearted' monster, the prized shinra lapdog? Was this the only person, other than Gast, who had shown me true kindness? I am afraid it is. And so I wait here, waiting for them to come. Today is Valentine's Day. Maybe they will send the Turks? Ah, the irony.