Once upon a time there was a faraway kingdom called Suburbia. It was ruled by a man whom little have seen, who goes by the ancient and respected title om afar, leaving his kingdom to be protected by the Guards in Blue. Most minor conflicts were solved by the people of Suburbia, and all good citizens followed an unwritten, but important Code of Conformity. All houses in a certain area of the kingdom (generally known as fiefs; some commoners called them "neighborhoods") were to look the same; all families owned a minivan or SUV and owned an overweight tabby or golden retriever; and many things of that nature. Every house was impeccibly kept, the lawn mowed, the car washed, and the decorative rocks cleaned. Generally, there were few problems in Suburbia besides the occasional unkempt shrubbery.
Things in Suburbia didn't stay peaceful forever. Early in the Era of SUV's, an elderly, respected member of a small neighborhood in Suburbia passed away. The entire region mourned her passing, for she had upheld the Code of Conformity better than any of them. Her yard was mowed thrice weekly, and her flowers were neatly arrayed in perfect, color-coordinated rows. There was a time of Sadness in the land. Soon after the much-loved woman had died, her heir moved into her empty house, bringing several others with him. They were to be the bane of many Suburban lives.
The heir, grandon of the deceased woman, frightened and disturbed many Suburbians. He and his clan were a band of self-proclaimed "non-conformists" who had been exiled from the more strict areas of Suburbia. Although the neighboring Suburbians knew of this before the clan moved in, they stuck to the traditions in the Code of Conformity and brought welcoming gifts of Bundt cake and Jello molds. Upon entering the house the Suburbanites were shocked at the situation they saw. Five college graduates were living in the same house: two men, one woman, and the heir. The house was horrible dirty by Suburban standards. Shoes lay about unpaired; books, magazines, and papers piled up everywhere. It also became clear that the two men were in a gay relationship, and the (unwed) woman was pregnant. This had caused their exile. The worst thing about it was that the graduates didn't even care if anyone knew these things or saw the state of their house!
That night, the most influential Suburbanites held a meeting. What was to be done about these outsiders? It was quickly decided that they must not be allowed to stay if the behavior escalated. If they condoned the spread of this behavior, what would stop more from coming? Perhaps even some of their children would pick up the behavior of these vagabonds. To protect the Code of Conformity, they decided that no measure was too extreme if the unorthodoxy worsened.
Of course the behaviour continued, but for the most part it was not bad enough to warrant any action taken by the Suburbians. The household owned three cars, none of them a minivan or SUV. The flowers grew haphazardly together, uncontrolled and unweeded. The grass was mowed once every two weeks at most. The house abounded with pets: a Great Dane mix puppy, a Siamese kitten, several mice, and a large white cockatiel. All of this was gallantly tolerated by the Suburbians, until one early spring weekend. An older, college-bound daughter of a Suburbanite family was seen sitting with the Heir (as he was now called; his real name was Thomas Jones) in the yard of the taboo house. The Suburbians looked on with shock and surprise as the Heir plucked a large purple flower from the tangle of his garden and offered it to the girl. They were even more shocked to see her accept it, and even respond with a kiss on the cheek! The girl's family was swiftly informed, and they rushed to pull her back home, scolding and reprimanding. Still she clutched the offending flower to her heart.
That night, the Suburbians decided to exile the group of nonconformists, or "Misfits" as they were now called. The apparently lovestruck girl pleaded with the group: "There is more than one right way to live, and they really aren't hurting anyone, really! Differences can be just as good as similarities, if you're willing to understand." She was shouted down by her family, pointing and claiming that the Misfits had corrupted her.
Those parents were the first to tell the Misfits to leave the next morning. Of course, they refused to leave the property. They made all sorts of excuses for staying, and eventually demanded that the Suburbians leave their home. They left, but not for long.
Soon, the Great Suburban War began. The First Battle of Waterballoons took place the next morning. Suburbanites hid themselves near every window and door. At any opening, they viciously flung their waterballoons at the Misfits and their property. This ended when the Heir fought through a constant raining barrage of balloons and reached the hose in the backyars. He set the nozzle on High and blasted every Suburbanite from his property.
This was not the end of the fighting. The Second and Third Battles of Waterballoons followed, as well as the various rubber-band strikes, SUV blockades, with the most infamous act being the March on Dairy Delite (where the Misfits were eating milkshakes and sundaes). The renowned March ended in two spork-related injuries in the Suburban lines, but succeeded in driving away the gay couple. The people of Suburbia rejoiced, and their confidence ran sky-high.
The next day, the people of Suburbia built up for their biggest attack. The teens all had bags of rubber bands and spitball straws. All of the men armed themselves with plasticware and waterballoons. The women brandished whisks and spatulas menacingly. At dawn, the combined forces of the entire neighborhood ringed the house and waited for a door or window to be opened.
They waited for a good hour, the children growing impatient and beginning to torment each other, before the Heir opened the door. Someone screamed out, and the people of the neighborhood charged forward as one body, waving about their spoons and spatulas and spitball straws violently. The Heir simply stood and watched the mob flow up the driveway, scramble up the stairs, and just as the first person was about to reach this invader to their territory a loud, wailing sirenfilled the air.
"HALT!" boomed a loud male voice. The crowd turned around, stunned. There stood five of the Guards in Blue! The lead Guard announced that all Suburbians were to go home; the Suburban War was declared over by Mayor himself. The Suburbians were making a mockery of the Code of Conformity! Didn;t they know to be courteous to all people? No matter how undesirable a person was, it was no reason to act this childish and immature.
The loudest, angriest Suburbans stomped home quickly, but many lingered to see the gay couple (who had summoned the Guards) and the lovestruck girl emerge from the Guards' car. The couple ran up to meet the rest of the household, everyone embracing at the doorstep. The girl turned to the now-silent Suburbians. "Look at them!" she begged. "Look at those PEOPLE. That's what they are. People. Like you. Look what you've done to them."
The Suburbans looked. They saw three men trying to cope with near-universal hatred. They saw a woman reduced to tears by the cruelty of their own hands. They saw four people that they had hurt. Although they weren't using real weapons by any means, although they thought their reasons were good and upright, they had hurt people. Many Suburbians slept with a heavy heart that night, with dreams of tangled gardens and crying women.
The next night the less affected Suburbanites held a meeting to discus details. The parents of the lovestruck girl tearfully told the rest that their daughter had joined the Misfits' household. The Suburbians grudgingly agreed that the war was over, by decree of the Mayor. They could tolerate some deviance from the Code of Conduct. To this day, some Suburbanites mutter to themselves, "Just because we have to tolerate it doesn't mean we have to accept it."