I spent the day, walking the canyons and arroyos. As late afternoon arrived, still full of the warm gifts of day, I drove West towards the freeway and the road home. The sharp edges of day receded, as the break between sun and shade softened, unfocusing the crisp lines, painting the world around me with a palette of indistinct shapes and soft colors. Definites fled the oncoming darkness, possibilities flew in to fill the abandoned spaces.
Driving West, the sunset exploded across the windshield in front of me, appearing so quickly after the sun first touched the firmament in the distance, it made the previous glaring light appear to be a dream from my distant past. The sunset dominated my view, had always dominated my view. I could comprehend no other way for the sky to be than infused with the blazing colors before me. The colors were flaming oranges, reds, purples and yellows. More colors, less distinct but just as bright, filled the voids. There was no blue, although the afternoon had departed only moments ago. As I watched the changing colors of the descending sun, glowing like a burning scoop of sherbet settling on the distant hills, I reflected back, maybe I was drawn back, to other sunsets I had felt and seen. How many had this impact on me? In this life, other lives? Was this a sunset I had seen before, in another body, in another time? If so, why would I not remember such a wonderous thing. How could it help me, what purpose would it serve, to not remember something as wonderful as a sunset like this or a previos life, that was surely filled with love and wonder as this one was?
Was it possible, could I have lived before, and yet, have no current awareness of it? There were moments, like this sunset, where I knew I was experiencing something that was familier, but not from this life. If not this life, when, and where? For there to be a consistent, forward progress in lives lived, surely there must be an awareness, at some level, to guide and comfort as life is lived. Why learn lifes's lessons if at some point, that awareness was unable to reflect on and learn from the joys and sorrows that manifest in flesh.
If I agree that the part of me which is here, living in this body, is not all the 'me' there is, then the other 'me' must be somewhere or sometime. There must be, or so it seems, a connection between my physical self and the spirit that is me and moves on to other lives and other times. Would knowing about past lives and my purpose for being in this one, interfere with that very purpose, and cause difficulties that would have to be overcome, or cause me to avoid situations, knowing the importance they carried in my life? Unselfish assistance to a stranger or a grudge held out of spite, can only be seen as life changing events after the fact. Would prior knowledge rob me of the power to proceed, to love, even to hate, because of the weight attached to those potential moments? Would I be so focused on accomplishing my intended purpose in life (surely not the only reason for living), that I missed the little joys and heartbreaks that make a life lived, not endured?
There must be a part of me that is of this life, but not in this life. It is the part of me that is fully aware of all lives and all purposes. That guides me with intuition, insight and that feeling of right action that dwells within my heart. That part of me that learns from this life lived, and makes decisions and sets the hopes for the next one. That reflects back, during the interval between lives, builds the foundation for future goals, and sets the stage for the next successful play called life. As the curtain rises, the puppet loses the realization that he is the master who pulls his owns strings, and instead, begins to act out the play, unaware of what the conclusion will be. Hoping, dreaming, unaware even that he is a puppet, but playing the part like his life depended on it, as the puppet master smiles, only too aware that it truly does. The master smiles ruefully, knowing the strings are really pulled from the stage. He can guide, but the puppet's life is his to live.
As I returned my awareness back to the roadway and the fading sunset, I was amazed to see a pair of gigantic dinosaurs on my right, standing dark against the sunset. I laughed, realizing these concrete beasts were only towering amusements, maintaining their station against the sky, remnants of the whimsical 50's, when amusements like this were an oasis for parents traveling through the desert with sweating kids in the back seat, crying for any diversion from the heat and noise of travel. Parents only too glad to watch their children crawl within the belly of these benign beasts, while they planned the diversions of the road ahead. The dinosaurs had no purpose, good or bad, they just were. Yet they endured. I to would endure. Not in the physical form, like these concrete monsters, and not in this life, but 'I' would endure. Long after the body I am using has returned to the earth, reflecting future sunsets for far distant travelers, 'I' will be living, learning and loving, unaware of the joys I felt today, though these memories will still build the foundation for my future lives, shaping, not directing my future self.
