| BREASTFEEDING BEYOND ONE YEAR
When Murren was 15 months old, my pharmacist, who had breastfed her two children, saw me nursing at an appointment and said, �You know, you don�t have to do that anymore. She�s just nursing for comfort.� To which I restrained myself and replied calmly and sweetly, �Oh, yes. I know. But, I�ve been here at appointments for 4 hours already and she�s about 2 hours past nap-time. So, if this will comfort her or help her settle down for a nap, I�m all for it!� Breastfeeding (and my parenting decisions in general) has never ceased to be an issue for us when it comes to my CF team. Every visit, it comes up somehow. I thank God that He has given me the strength and the support outside of clinic to do what was right for us. So many times I have had to explain myself and back up my choice with facts. Sometimes I have come home from appointments and called a friend or collapsed on the couch with my baby and husband to cry for feeling so cornered or mistrusted. Initially I just wanted to nurse my baby. But, the more I learned the more I knew I wanted to follow her cues of need and development to determine how to continue. Her cues were always very clear and because I listened and responded, we have had no major (or even minor) problems. I never had any preconceived ideas about how long or until what age I planned to nurse, but I had numerous great examples around me for support. It is my belief that continuing to share sleep (though the bed situation fluctuates) is what has been the biggest advantage to my health as a parent. Contrary to popular belief, I get much more sleep than many other mothers with active toddlers and much more sleep than if I were nursing her and putting her back in her own room or bed (which we have done on rare occassion). She has had no nightmares or fears of the dark or sleep. She sleeps soundly and sleeps long. Nursing her to sleep for so long, forced me to go to bed often when I really wanted to be up doing other things. But, I have gotten the rest that I needed. It has also motivated me to take naps more regularly or at least lie down. Because she nurses and sleeps with me, when she does briefly rouse during the night, I can put her back to sleep immediately and not miss my own sleep or wake my husband. BREASTFEEDING BEYOND TWO YEARS Shortly after Murren turned two (April 2004), I felt ready to cut her nursing back to just sleeping times. We tried that for a few days and they were horribly grumpy, stressful days for all of us. She fussed and cried and I tried all sorts of things to soothe or distract her that didn�t work. It was initiated in part by my readiness (not hers) and by the discomfort of some other people with my continuing to nurse. After those few anguished days, I decided that she was not ready and so determined to wait for signs of her readiness before trying again. When we moved in the summer (2004), things got hectic and I was busy and available less often to her. We naturally cut back to only nursing at sleep times and she made the adjustment really well (she hadn�t nursed to sleep in almost a year, but she liked to nurse still while relaxing in preparation for sleep). Once we got settled into our new home I just made the decision to keep our nursing only for sleep times. It has always been my belief and effort to change only one thing in her life at a time as much as is within my power to control and I am fortunate that God blessed me with husband who supports my parenting. More than that, he is as convinced of the rightness of these things as I am. On a few occasions it is he who has stood his ground and defended our precious breastfeeding relationship. Once established in our new town, I transferred to a new CF clinic. I am fortunate that this clinic has several other patients who are parents (women and men) and so they are not experimenting on me. But, when I needed to be hospitalized this last time, it was a little trickier than it had been previously. During my last previous hospital stay, Murren was not yet a year old. During this one she was nearing 2 �! This time, my mother-in-law was unable to come and assist me and this new hospital is over an hour away from our home instead of 10 minutes. Being new to the area and with John having to work, even if I hadn�t been nursing her, I still would have had to keep her with me. She was a little more restless and I didn�t know the staff or hospital at all (at the previous hospital, I�d grown up around all the nurses and doctors). Because she was staying with me, I signed an affidavit acknowledging full responsibility for Murren. The nurses, RTs, and PTs were all great about having her there. One PT sat and made rubber glove balloons and played �I Spy� colors with her while I did the treadmill. The doctors and nurse practitioner seemed to think that my struggle to make this hospital stay work would be made easier if Murren were weaned. I tried to explain to them that the family situation was such that it didn�t matter. In the end, though they were able to arrange home IVs and visiting nurses for me, so my stay was only one week � not the original three they had planned. Again, it was very helpful to be able to sleep together. I did not have to worry about her waking without my knowing it and I was able to help her sleep much better and longer, because I am what makes sleep familiar and safe for her. I went home with direct orders from several of the wonderful RTs and PTs to get pregnant and have another child. Everyone thought she was totally delightful! How blessed I am! I think God knew exactly what I needed to be able to make it through this first endeavor at parenting. She is a laid-back child but, as with the food allergy and my premature attempt at cutting back her nursing, I have seen glimpses of what she might have been like if we had made different choices. Our breastfeeding relationship has made our bond wonderfully close. * * * As a side note, although my periods returned at one year postpartum, my cycles have remained anovulatory (without ovulation). Murren weaned in the first half of December 2004 at 2 years, 7 months of age. As with every other voluntary change we've made in her life, this was a gentle, readiness-based step ahead. We simply replaced that last 30 second, middle-of-the-night nursing with cuddles. I knew she was ready because she would occassionally sleep through this one or fall back to sleep as soon as she snuggled up to me. There were no tears or pleading. She now says, "Mama's nummies have no more milk" and in the middle of the night if she wakes, she snuggles up and says, "I come cuddle you." What a wonderfully peaceful, natural way to close that breastfeeding chapter of our life and turn to this next phase! I am so glad we made the choices we did. And I plan on making many of the same ones with our next child, if the Lord is willing that we should be blessed again. |
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| Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. Psalm 131:2 |