Author: munky
Rating: R*
Pairing: Harry/Draco, Ron+Draco
Genre: Harry Potter slash fanfiction, broken relationships, angst, and coming to terms.
Archive: MCY
Author notes: * means that it's a conditional R rating. Although there really isn't much violence, sex, or swearing (Yep, even potty mouth munky-chan can write a fic where the characters don't swear at all. ^_^), there are still intense emotional scenes which may upset many younger readers. Heck�this story made me cry, and according to Joyful, I don't cry much at all. Draco POV,
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't Sue. If you do? Well, f*** you very much too!

ON WIT DA FIC

I know how it feels to die inside. It happened to me when I told the truth, of all things. Granted, the truth was an ugly one, but I gathered my courage and told my lifemate of five years that I had been unfaithful. I was expecting him to be angry at me for my infidelity and to be upset that I waited so long to tell him, but I hadn't thought he'd be as mad as he was. He was so mad that he decided to end all the years we had together. A whole relationship gone in the blink of an eye; all because of a mistake I made one night.

Sometimes, I can look back and remember how it all began. It's not a memory, just a scar on my heart that's already healed over, but still leaves a visible mark and things behind that are hard, if not impossible, to forget for the rest of a lifetime.

He sat there on the couch, shocked at what I had just said. I watched fearfully as his mouth worked open and closed like a dying fish desperate for air.

Finally he must have decided something, for he looked at me determinedly as he got to his feet. His face was blank and totally emotionless as he spoke.

"I'm leaving. I can't believe you did something so heartless like that to me. Even now, you don't seem to care about what you did. Maybe you never cared. I just think you were using me."

"Can't we talk about this? Work something out? You can't just throw away a relationship just because of this!" I tried to compromise, to placate him, to come to an agreement. By the stoic look on his handsome face, though, I knew it wasn't working.

"No." His voice was flat, unmovable. I could see his whole body shake as he stood there, scowling.

Harry was being such a brute! He didn't even seem to be moved by the fact that I was trying to apologize in my own feeble way! It was just too much!! I snapped, glaring at him, "What about us? Don't you even care?"

He responded to that by picking up a nearby vase and throwing it at my head. I ducked just as the expensive Ming shattered on the wall behind me, into thousands of pieces. He was furious at me and it certainly showed.

"I couldn't care less! There is no 'we' now! Not after what you did to screw up our lives! I HATE YOU!!"

'I hate you.' Those words were darts piercing into my heart. After all these years we had lived together, it was over just like that.

I watched, dumbstruck with shock, as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Why...?"

I felt like throwing up. Everything wasted on one misguided night with someone I hadn't really loved. Here I was, sitting in my perfect little rose-colored world, totally unaware that it had fallen apart until now.

Funny, huh? I didn't know what to do. My wealth, my influence; they were nothing compared to the pit of despair that had opened up underneath my feet.

As I shivered, curling up into a desperate little ball on the expensive Persian carpet, I could hear the sounds of him angrily shoving his belongings into a suitcase.

~ Please, if you ever loved me, don't leave. I don't deserve this...please Harry, not from you. ~

Tears dripped down from my face, hot and salty prayers to a God I knew had to be listening somehow. This had to be the worst of it, because nothing could be as bad as having your heart torn out of your chest, could it? I wish he'd forgive me...I swear God, I didn't mean it.

Right...like he'd forgive you now. He's angry, with good enough right to be, you stupid git. How many times have you ever been told that your lifemate cheated on you? That ring you gave Harry on the day of your 'bonding' ceremony obviously matters more to him than it does to you and the man you were with the other night.

Another slamming door shook me out of my reverie. Harry looked down at me with red, swollen eyes. An expression of...was it pity? Yes, pity, was etched across his face as he held his hand out to me.

"You...you forgive me?" I clasped his hand in mine, as I got to my knees, searching for a lifeline. However, when a heavy metallic object fell into my hand, so did my hopes for absolution fall down the drain.

"Harry, please don't!" I cried, pleading with him. When I tugged on his sleeve feebly, he just gave me this look that stopped me in my tracks.

His green eyes slightly darkened to hazel in an attempt at compassion, but the coldness behind them betrayed his true feelings. Also, his face...the expression there will always be with me, I know it. It was a look of disgust. Harry Potter, the boy who lived, was repulsed at the mere sight of me. Not that I blamed him at all, but still...this was the man I loved with my whole heart and soul, and he hated me.

I fell forward as he tugged his shirt sleeve out of my hands and began to walk away. Desperately, I crawled forward on hands and knees, trying to grab onto something, anything, as long as he didn't leave me.

"Let. Go. Of. Me." He replied in clipped tones, standing there like some unforgiving statue, refusing to turn around and look at me.

"Please Harry...don't do this. You can't do this to us!" I screamed at him, half-blinded by my own tears as I clutched his pantleg hysterically.

"There is no 'us' anymore. No 'we', no 'us', no nothing! Can't you realize that?" Harry snarled. I blinked up at him, totally gobsmacked; my brain fuzzy with shock over his cold words.

"WHY? I'm sorry, can't you see that? I'm sorry...I'm sorry; a thousand times, I'm SORRY!!" I wailed out at him.

Finally, he turned towards me and met my eyes. I shrank back from the disgust I still saw there. I probably looked horrid, not just to him, but to anyone else who looked at me. My nose was leaking everywhere and my cheeks were wet with tears. Not to mention the fact that my hair flew around in almost every direction and my usually immaculate clothing was wrinkled and creased from flailing about on the floor.

It didn't matter though. All that mattered was that I could convince Harry to stay...to listen to me although I was wrong. He owed me that at least. He owed me!

However, as I stumbled around to find the right words to say, I dimly heard him tell me goodbye. At that moment, I fell apart, all my anger and pride turning to shame.

"You did this to yourself." He gave me one last, steady gaze, standing there with his suitcase in one hand, doorknob in the other.

All I could do was clutch the heavy object in my palm to my chest. He had broken me, enslaved me; enchanted me while we were nothing but young wizards at Hogwarts. Now he was leaving me, teaching me the folly of my immoral ways. I looked up just in time to see the door shut closed.

"HARRY!!" I screamed his name like a curse, hearing its' echo follow him down the hallway out of our...no, my, apartment building.

The world shattered with my scream and everything went black. I can't remember what happened immediately afterwards, but sometimes, when it's dark outside and I sit in bed, staring out at the busy London skyline from my hospital room, I get these little snapshots of memory in my head. It's like little fish swimming up from the darkness and suddenly I can see a still moment in time, frozen like a photograph. Then it goes away again, back into the recesses of my head.

Good news. The doctors say I'm to be released today and I'm no longer a threat to myself or to others. I'm not stupid. It just means that I've been a good boy, taken all my drugs and not caused any rows with the nurses on the floor. That's the only reason I'm able to leave.

Ron Weasley comes to pick me up since Lucius and Narcissa have kindly disowned me for what I have done in shaming the family name. It doesn't bother me one bit, since I've hated both of them for as long as I remember. I'm just glad that Ron and his family, whom I used to mock as a boy with my foolish pride, now welcome me into their home and attempt to understand me.

"What's that around your neck, Malfoy? Is that Harry's wedding ring you gave him?"

"He gave it back to me. I guess it's more of a keepsake than anything else now." I run the ring up and down its' chain, finally turning it to read the inscription inside one last time.

"United in our love, as deep as the ocean, as long as time." Hearing it is bittersweet and I give Ron a half-hearted grin before I snap the chain from my neck.

"Draco, what are you going to do with it? He never forgave you, did he?" Ron frowns at me, worry shining in his crinkling blue eyes.

"No, but I've learned a hard lesson, Ron. It's called moving on. It hurts..." and I bite my lip, voice quivering a bit, "but I'm going to make it."

With that, I roll down my window, and to Ron's obvious surprise, I throw the chain, ring and all, out of it. I sigh with relief as I settle back into my seat and we drive home.

Ron blinks at me for a moment, then his face splits into a wide grin. I can't help myself and I grin back.

"Welcome back to the real world, Malfoy."

"It's good to be back, Weasley."

Additional Author Notes: ::sniffles:: Sorry that it wasn't longer. That story just tapped me out with all the emotions and memories I put into it. I suppose it's kind of autobiographical in a way, but I'm not totally sure about that. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading it. Comments and constructive criticism can be directed my way at [email protected] while flames will be devoured by my evil black kitty who puts them in the litterbox where they belong.

See ya!
munky