** Disclaimer: “ER” is property of Warner Brothers Television, NBC, and all respective producers and cast. I have written this story for fanfiction and nothing else. I am not making a profit from this. This is simply for fanfiction enjoyment. **
Spoilers: All the episodes up until “It’s All in Your Head”
Rating: PG-13 for strong language
Summary: Susan’s, Rachel’s Elizabeth’s and Mark’s thoughts after “It’s All In Your Head.” Each one of them are devastated by their own thoughts. If they only knew what the other was thinking…
Acknowledgment: I’d like to thank Lori (SixteenOzs)! Her thoughts have sparked my own thoughts and ideas. Thank you so much Lori!! J
If
You Only Knew
Susan’s Thoughts
I arrived at work today in a daze. How am I supposed to work knowing that my friend has just 4 months to live? Damn it! Hasn’t life punished Mark enough? It’s not enough that he’s gone though a divorce, a severe beating, and the death of both his parents, he has to be diagnosed with cancer.
When I came back here, I saw a Mark Greene I’ve never seen before; a truly happy Mark Greene. Married to Elizabeth , the woman to whom he has devoted his heart and soul to, I saw the true happiness he deserved. Having endured a craniotomy, he got married, and he and Elizabeth have Ella. He was happy. His had finally found joy. And now… the cancer is back.
I wish he would tell Elizabeth and
Rachel. Every time I see
Mark, why won’t you tell Elizabeth and Rachel?! Elizabeth thinks that he doesn’t care for Ella, but the truth of the matter is, is he’s hiding this deep, dark secret no one else knows. Heck, if he hadn’t had that focal seizure in front of me, he might have gone through all this completely alone. He’s trying to protect his wife and daughter. I just know it! He’s trying to pretend that everything is normal. He’s the only one I know who would resume work after enduing Gamma Knife treatment. Hell, he’s the only one I know who’s gone through Gamma Knife period.
I’m glad I was there for him that night. I don’t care if Carter has gotten the wrong impression. I can’t believe Carter won’t shut up about that. Does he actually think I’d sleep with Mark? That Mark would cheat on his wife?! Of course, it did look pretty suspicious, my staying at Mark’s, but the fact that Carter doesn’t trust me really says something about our relationship; or lack thereof.
Oh look, Kerry is chewing Mark out on coming in late. Kerry, if you only knew why Mark overslept. I mean, wouldn’t you oversleep after having thousands of radiation waves zapped into your brain?! So he’s late. Big deal! Did you take notice that he just saved a patient from going into V-fib this morning? Oh, no! You only look at the slight things he’s messed up on.
Once Kerry and Carter find out the truth, boy are they going to squirm. They’ve been treating Mark like trash, and Mark just takes it. Ever since Mark told me about the recurrence, I’ve been noticing a lot more. How so many of Mark’s friends take Mark’s friendship for granted. Kerry and Carter have turned their backs on Mark. After they’ve betrayed his trust, they come back to him for help acting as if nothing had happened. They just assume he would be there for them; not matter what they’ve done to him. They’ve forgotten that trust is not something they’re entitled to. Kerry and Carter don’t deserve such a caring, compassionate colleague like Mark. Mark doesn’t deserve “friends” like Kerry or Carter.
If only everyone knew.
Everything would change. Maybe
that’s why Mark doesn’t want to tell anyone…