I am originally from Czechoslovakia. I was born in Bratislava, by the river Danube.
Click here to see some pictures of Danube and Slovakia.
I left the country seven months after my eighteen�s birthday in August 1969. I went to London. I spoke very little English, although we had English at school. I was an au-pair in London to very nice family of two doctors and their three young sons.

I met my husband on Trafalgar Square in September 1969. We were married in 1972 in Trinidad and went back to UK. We lived in London till 1977. We returned for good in December 1977 to Trinidad, my husband, our two daughters and I. The warm climate was such a difference from British overcast skies, children were doing much better health wise than in London.

I got pregnant once more, and I was looking forward to this baby very much, unfortunately I lost the baby. And the experience in the nursing home was horrible. My two children were premature, so I thought, probably the problem continued. Six months after I got pregnant again, this time I had to have total bed rest, almost the whole pregnancy. I flew to London to have my fourth daughter, this was in July 1980. This time I had two false alarms and she came only two weeks before the given date, which is medically not regarded as premature anymore.

My physical problems started when my last baby was about six months old. I started to suffer with a lot of lower back pains and my left foot started to drag. I went from doctor to doctor, I was diagnosed behind my back as �neurotic housewife�, �You developed arthritis�, next doctor said. Few people seeing me walking on the street classed me as drunk. I came to conclusion that Trinidad is no place for proper medical diagnoses in my case. We do have good enough doctors, but the Caribbean islands are small and therefore the medical staff is not exposed to different diseases as abroad as it was not really necessary those days. As the technology and research progresses, so are also our doctors improving and upgrading, but still at times it is necessary to go abroad as the population is too small to have specific medical equipment, which will accommodate only small number of the population.

I went to London (1983) where I was diagnosed as "probable MS". Doctors were not answering my questions, I was a case with a number and diagnoses so and so to them� I also went and see one of my friends, a doctor, who did send me to gynecologist who specialized in detecting candida in women. The test was positive. The paper he gave me I carried it to every doctor I have seen since, be it in London, Prague, or Bratislava, every one of them just laughed at it, I still believe it is possible to have overgrowth of candida.

At this time, 1983, I went to my home country, then Czechoslovakia, where I got my first attack. I landed in hospital for about month. They did the same tests all over again and the verdict was "definite MS". Even now I can hear the doctor when he told me about the diagnoses "and you will finish in a wheelchair". What a lovely bed side manners! I came home after 5 months and try to live as well as I could. There was no support available then. My husband was understanding and helping as much as he could, but he had to go to work and I had to look after the house and kids. Nobody really to talk to who would understand my situation and who had any experience with this disease. I was told in London that MS patients do not suffer with pain, that MS is painless. So even the experts did not know much about the disease! I was finding little by little that truly and surely I am in this on my own and totally alone. The amount of times I cried and cried. I must have cried out whole new ocean.

My daughters, 7, 4 �, 1 year old at that timne, became my right hand and later nurses. The eldest obviously had it hardest. She had to help me with everything. I was hit at first with a lot of pain, imbalance, fatigue, and also mental cognition. I could not concentrate at all, memory was totally gone, I could not remember simple phone message, I could not even dial telephone number, by the time I dialed two numbers I forgot where I reached. Hanging the wet clothes was torture, each piece was extremely heavy. Every night I went to bed very tired and was getting up even more exhausted. I remember one morning when the children went to school I looked at the table with breakfast dishes and all the stuff on it�I just did not know how to clean it, I was in total shock and confused. I think that was my turning point to try to help myself as much as I can. I read everything I could get my hands on. When we went abroad I bought a lot of books and I tried to practice everything the books said to do. I could not get at that point a lot of vitamins and minerals here, it was not available as yet, the herbs were unheard of, but I persisted as much as I could. I started playing a lot of scrabble, because another fright I�ve got was that I could not express myself in English. I used to speak to my children in my mother language - Slovak, although they were answering me in English. I was determined for them to understand another language. When I went to the shop on this particular day, I could not respond in English at all, I was shocked and obviously very upset. It was also a lot of mental strain at that time to speak two languages, so with deep sadness in my heart I had to give up teaching my children my mother language.
The scrabble help a lot, I still try to play it when I find some time.

Physically I was going down hill, my walk was deteriorating, at first I started to walk with one stick and later with two. All this time I managed to drive, which was blessing. I tried to do meditation, exercises, I went swimming everyday, I tried to stay positive. Yet still, the health was going down hill, the pains were excruciating. My mother heard about a doctor in Prague, who was treating MS patients with steroids and he was having reasonable results. So I went. It was steroid therapy with Imuran (suppressant of immune system) and steroids into spinal cord. I had to be there for 10 months. My husband later brought our two younger children for me so I was together with them for 6 months. The eldest had important exam so I could not take her from school. I managed to get them into a school for few months, they liked it and they made friends. By the time I finished the treatment, I must have had about 12 times needle in my spine since my age of 4! When I was out of hospital, my father was exercising with me every day, it was painful, but we did it, then he used to walk with me, the beginnings were difficult but somehow we managed. On the whole I do not think the treatment did what I was expecting to do. And at this point I had enough treatments, tests, and also some humiliations�like �be glad that you still have a husband�����.from a professional!
One year after the treatment, which was in September 1989 I could not walk anymore.

September 1989 was beginning of my nightmare in bed. I was bedridden till 1996. I described years 1981-1989 only in few sentences. Those who have this disease know the days were much more disastrous than words can describe. Well the period 1989-1997 was million times worse. Each day can be written as a chapter for a book, and there will be different things appearing each day!
I prayed all my waking time, even when I was speaking with others�I just prayed for this nightmare to finish.
In 1993 I became very sick, I even had to have people staying with me in the night. I could not stand anything on my skin, it was so tender. The pains were getting worse and worse, the spasms were increasing, not allowing me to breath properly, there was nothing I could calm it down. It was scary. At times the �MS hug� around my chest was so hard that I could not breathe. On two occasions in the night I woke up unable to breath, all I did try to relax and remember some of yoga teachings what I used to do before (it is easy to write about it now� but then I thought I had it!) The idea that my husband and my children will be left alone always shattered me and I was holding to life with all my might. All I was taking was Panadol (paracetamol based) and Librium, the rest were vitamins, oils and herbs. Little jerk into the bed and the whole body just hurt and went to spasm. When the children came and sat on the bed, I had to brace myself as not to tell them anything, poor kids. I had no strength. So many times I was tempted to ask for my caregiver to brush my hair, to feed me, because I hardly could lift my hands. Yet I did not. I somehow believed that something must give in. I started visually improving in about 1996. I know MS is not life threatening, but I have two friends with MS, who are just existing, everything has to be done for them� it is very hard for me to describe their situations, every time I think about them I feel to cry.

The amount of things I wanted to do with my kids, the amount of places I wanted to go with them, I did not imagined my life like this at all, the adjusting was hard, and to certain extend is still hard. One never accepts this kind of situation. Will my children ever understand that a lot of things in my life I could not fulfill because of my bad physical condition, although I wanted to do it very much, especially with them?

It used to take us about 20 minutes to settle me into the wheelchair, the body was so spasmodic. After that my legs went to fetus position in 1993. The knees locked and ever since then would not straighten. Yet another situation to adjust to, to learn about it and how to live with it.

In 1997 my friend, a nurse, came to visit me, and persuaded me to go to evening class. I managed to sit in a wheelchair at that time about 3 hours a day, only because of the fact that I could sit a little, I agreed. The course was �Guidance and Counselling�. The course was for three years twice a week. At the beginning I had to take set of tablets to be able to sit and concentrate. The days I went to school I did not get up from the bed to make sure that I was rested enough for the class. The writing was hard for me, at times my fingers could not hold the pen, the pen was only falling down. We had in February 1998 large assignment to finish and the three hours up everyday became inadequate, little by little I used to stay longer up and around the end of February I managed to stay up the whole day. I can stay up whole day ever since. I do not have fatigue any more either. I do not rest during the day either. The three year course went fast and well, we graduated. I also worked as voluntary in two institutions for a while.

Another friend of mine mentioned in 2003 that she want to take a course in PVC Furniture. I asked her to sign me up and we went. With everybody�s help I did a lamp, a table, a trolley, a stool.

We also have little Craft group meeting at my house twice a month, our last year Christmas sale was very successful. I am so glad that some of my strength came back into my hands, the pins and needles stopped. Once again I can crochet, sew on the sewing machine using my elbow to press the pedal, hold needle in my fingers although I do not feel it. I make my own greeting cards, recently I started doing some wedding cards, maybe it will develop into something good. When ever the time and situation permits I cook, I have electric frying pan and I prepare my vegetables and cook.

There are still bad days and there are good days and they always will be, especially as we are getting older. My whole idea is to sustain my health to the best of my ability so I do not need to go to doctors too often.

I have tried many diets but over period of time did not see any real benefits. I was vegetarian since 1977. Then it helped me to eliminate my daily headaches. I cannot eat a lot of legumes although I love them, but the immobility cases a lot of gas problem so for this reason I had to introduce some protein into my diet, I do not eat much meat just enough to sustain the body.

I had ELISA (enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay, in other words food sensitivity)and candida tests. The candida is elevated and for this reason I did not eat any fruits for period of two years. I am allergic to 11 products like pineapple (here goes my pina colada), grapefruit, peas, almonds (this one is hard�I love almonds), peanuts, cola nuts(what ever this is), soya beans, brazil nut, cashew nut, hot pepper(everything in this country is cooked with hot pepper!), yeast. These silent allergies can be different in each person.

Stuff I take (I do rotate some of the stuff at times): Pau d� Arco, Cat�s Claw, Turmeric, Ginkgo Biloba, Bee pollen, Evening primrose oil, Cod liver oil, Oregano oil, Bilberry, Calcium and magnesium, Omega 3,6,9; Primadophilus, Large dosage of Vitamin C����� up to 20 grams per day at times, CQ 10, Milk Thistle, Alpha Lipoic Acid, LDN (Low Dose Naltrexone), B Complex, Vit. E, Flax Seed oil, Wobenzym�digestive enzymes.
Panadol, Xanax, Bascopan, when necessary.
I am starting LDN (Low Dose altrexone) in September 2004.



I tried everything possible�.acupuncture, bio-feedback, meditation, massages, herbal bath and rub, silver mind method, positive thinking, prayers, affirmations, distance healing, Reiki, yoga, kinesiology, and many more�I believe everything did help a bit, nothing was waste of time. What is so hard about it all that the results I have seen came only after many years of trying. I started in 1983 and seen some easing up of some symptoms in 1996. Till then everything was just going down the hill.
Now I am concentrating only on healing my body.

6th September 2004
I am starting LDN - Low Dose Naltrexone. Click below for more information.
Low Dose Naltrexone
LDN Support group

September 2008
I am still taking LDN and I feel that it did stop the regression.
Last year I started going for art lessons, I do like it very much but I have to get over the FEAR of spoiling the work! I did some drawing and painting at school, that is many years ago.
You can see some of the pieces which are after the crochet and cards, below.
Craft and Art Page