: : Summary : : Rick and Evy have a little talk. PG for mild language.
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"Honey? Come on out."
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"I know you're in there."
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"Don't make me break this door down! "
"Don't you dare!"
"Well, at least I know you didn't fall in."
"Very funny."
"Come on out."
"Go away."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Oh, come on."
"Just leave me alone."
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing. Just sitting."
"Where are you sitting in there?"
"Where do you think I'm sitting!?"
"Oh."
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"What's that sound?"
"What sound?"
"That sound that sounds like paper rustling."
"Oh, that sound."
"Yeah, that sound. What is it?"
"That, my dear, is the sound of me going through your wallet."
"So that's where I left my wallet. I've been looking everywhere for that thing."
"Don't worry, you can have it back when I'm done with it."
"You won't find it in there."
"Find what?"
"Whatever it is you're looking for."
"So there is something to find?"
"No, there's nothing to find."
"You said it's not in here. That implies there is an IT."
"There is no IT."
"I don't believe you."
"Fine!"
"Aha!"
"What?"
"No, that's just a receipt."
"WHAT are you looking for!?"
"I don't know. But I know there must be something."
"What kind of something?"
"An incriminating something. A letter, a picture, a note, something."
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Here! Here's a picture!"
"And who's it of?"
"Oh. It's me."
"Right. Now come out of there and let me talk to you."
"No!"
"What's that ripping sound?"
"Sound? I�don't�hear�any�sound."
"And that sound? It sounds like flushing."
"It is flushing."
"What did you just�?"
"THAT was the sound of me flushing your automobile license and your driving license."
"DAMMIT!"
"How dare you swear at me!"
"Just get out here and talk to me!"
"I don't want to talk to you, you...you�philanderer!"
"WHAT!?"
"You heard me!"
"Where did you get that idea!?"
"He saw you."
"He who?"
"Jonathan."
"What the hell has he been telling you!?"
"He said he saw you talking to a woman. A beautiful woman. A beautiful thin woman. He said you were talking to her in a very conspiratorial way."
"He said that?"
"Well, he didn't exactly say conspiratorial."
"Oh, he didn't?"
"No. He said secretive."
"I'm going to kill him."
"Aha! So there is something. I knew it."
"There is nothing�"
"I should have expected this."
"You're wrong�"
"I've seen you. You've been looking at me very strangely lately."
"You're talking nonsense."
"You're disgusted with me."
"WHAT!?"
"I know I'm huge and awful�"
"You are not awful."
"Oh, but I AM huge!?"
"I didn't say that."
"That's what you meant. You said I looked as if I were carrying triplets."
"I was joking."
"I'm not laughing."
"Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, okay? Besides, I�I�"
"What?"
"I LIKE it."
"WHAT!?"
"Yeah, I like it. I like your big round belly. I think it's amazing, that my�that our baby is in there. I like the way it moves."
"You do?"
"Sure I do. Like the other night, when you were sitting in bed reading�"
"So�"
"Well, you had your book propped up on your belly, and I could see it jumping around."
"You saw that? I thought you were asleep."
"Nope."
"You weren't disgusted."
"Of course not. I thought it was cute. And I like the way it�"
"What?"
"I like the way it�it� presses on me when we�"
"RICK!"
"Well, I do."
"You aren't horrified by my whale-like body?"
"Do I act horrified?"
"Well, no, I suppose not."
"Come on out now."
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"Evy?"
"And you said you didn't want me working."
"I never said that!"
"Don't you heave a sigh at me. I heard you. You said you didn't want your wife doing any sort of job."
"No. What I said was�"
"And what DO you want me to do?"
"That I do not want my wife doing any sort of job�"
"Am I just supposed to run around here serving you?"
"That requires climbing up on ladders, or hefting boxes around�"
"Or hang around being decorative?"
"OR OTHERWISE DOING ANYTHING THAT MIGHT HURT HER!"
"Don't you yell at me!"
"Listen to me�"
"I suppose you just want me to sit here bored and worried while you go out every day golfing�"
"Golfing? I don't�"
"And spend all night out drinking and playing cards?"
"When did I ever do that?"
"Remember that time with your friend Martin, last fall�?"
"That was six months ago. And I was only out until midnight. And I hadn't seen Martin in 5 years."
"Still�"
"And you said, go out, have fun, talk about old times."
"Yes, well�"
"You're being unreasonable."
"Oh, am I!? Yes, the pregnant woman is being unreasonable!"
"Is that what this is about?"
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"Honey?"
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"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"You're crying."
"No I'm not!"
"Yes, you are. I can hear that little sniffling sound you make."
"What if I'm no good at it?"
"At what?"
"At this. At being a mother."
"You'll be a great mother."
"How do you know? I've never been around children. I don't even know how to hold a baby."
"Well, neither do I."
"But I'm the MOTHER. I'm supposed to know how to do all that."
"We'll learn. Maybe we'll drop it on it's head a few times, but we'll learn."
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"Was that a laugh I heard?"
"No."
"Open the door, Honey."
"And what about that woman?"
"What woman?"
"You know, the woman, the thin beautiful one that Jonathan saw you canoodling with."
"I wasn't canoodling�"
"Whatever you want to call it."
"Did he tell you WHERE he saw us?"
"No."
"Well�"
"Just tell me the truth, please."
"I wasn't going to tell you this yet. I was going to wait until the baby was born."
"Oh, God�"
"But I guess I'd better. You know that receipt you found?"
"Yes?"
"Take a look at it. If you didn't flush it, that is."
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"Are you there?"
"Is this what I think it is?"
"Yep."
"Oh, Rick�"
"It was supposed to be a "What a beautiful baby, you did great, you'll be a wonderful mother and I love you very much " present. So much for that surprise."
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"Well. It's nice to see you again."
THE END