funnies

Jolly Flight Attendant

I once was on a plane where i was served by an obvoiusly homosexual male flight attendant. At the point, he bounced over to where i was sitting and announced, "The captain has asked me to announce that he will be landing the big scary plane shortly, so if you could just put up your tray, that would be great."

I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting nest to me did not. A few moments later, our flight attendant came back and said to her: "Ma'am, perhaps you couldn't hear me over the big scary engine, but i asked you to please put up the tray so that the captain can land the plane."

She still wouldn't comply. Now he was getting angry and asked her again to put up the tray.

She then calmly turned to him and said, "In my country, i am called a princess. I take orders from noone."

Our flight attendant replied: " Oh yeah? Well, in MY country, I'm calle da queen and i outrank you, bitch, so put the tray up!"

The Beer's Prayer

Our Lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer,
The bitter and the lager.
For ever and ever.
BARMEN.