Five years have now passed since that terrible day when so many of us learned that the world is not nearly as safe as we thought. For those of us whose only idea of war was men volunteering to go over to Iraq for a year, and never having the battle brought to our soil, it was a startling eye-opener. We lost an innocence that day that can never be restored, and I have mixed feelings about the world's longings to bring it back…

I've had several journals over the year, and I'm not sure I could say things better today than I did before, so here are the "reissues" if you will.

One of the subjects kids were assigned for their essays was to come up with a way to convince their parents to let them do something. Of course, a lot of kids want to travel. Some want to go to NY.

As I was reading one about a kid who wanted to see the statue of liberty, it reminded me of my senior class trip to NY in 1995.

You see, we wanted to see the statue of liberty too, but it wasn't open then. So before we left for NY our teachers picked another destination that would give a beautiful view of the city at night... we went to the twin towers in the World Trade Center.

Back then, we had no idea what they were. Our teachers told us that it had something to do with the stockmarket, and we didn't ask many other questions. We just liked the view.

Even now, nine years later, I so very clearly remember that we took elevators to the top floor of where we were allowed to go, and how some kids were disappointed that they couldn't go on the roof because "it was too windy." The stairs up to the roof were blocked off with those red, velvety ropes they used to use in the movie theaters.

I didn't want to go on the roof. I'm afraid of heights, so standing at the window, leaning against the railing across it, and looking out at the bridge we'd come over hours ago was quite enough for me. My friend Becky and I talked about how scary the bridge was, because a section of it collapsed just a couple of hours after we were on it. We were really glad that we hadn't been on the bridge then, because being on it for hours would have been so terrible. Our trip home was going to avoid the bridge, for which we were grateful.

After we left the World Trade Center, we didn't give it much thought. At least I know for sure that I didn't. Going on a ferry trip next, then to the hotel and excitement about going to Six Flag in NJ the next day was all we thought about.

Who knew how significant that building we visited oh-so-briefly would become six years later?

A Moment Of Silence 9/11/2001

I learned today that during a tragedy there are worse things than being overloaded with information. Getting too little is far more sinister...

Some time during the morning class's play period, we got a phone call telling us that four planes had been hijacked, two of which were Boston flights, and what they had been flown into. That's it. We couldn't turn on the radio...you don't want to have to explain why to kids that young, so we were forced not to talk about it or seek more information until everyone had gone home with their parents. It was scary not knowing for more than three hours if anything else had happened. The only thing we could comfort ourselves with was knowing that we were over an hour from either of the remotely likely targets- Pease Tradeport/Portsmouth Navel shipyard and Bush's camp in Kennybunkport. We knew that we were safe, as long as nuclear attacks weren't considered, but it didn't do much to make anyone feel any better about not knowing what was going on.

Finally, at 2pm we were able to turn on the news and find out for ourselves just how horrible the day's events had really been. We could talk about it in above a whisper too, which had been an admitted strain, but it was our responsibility to remain calm so the kids wouldn't be terrified too. At least as adults we can understand that we ourselves were ok, but small children can't comprehend something like that.

I think this is the first tragedy during my life, at least during the years I've been conscious of the world outside my own spheres, which I wasn't able to react to immediately. In 3rd grade we knew right that the Challenger had exploded, and were told it was ok to be sad. In 12th grade we spent our psych class talking about our grief over the lives lost in the Oklahoma bombing. And two years ago we threw out our scheduled class plan to talk about how we, as future educators ourselves, felt about the school shootings that'd happened earlier that day in Columbine high. In each case I think it was helpful to be able to share our immediate grief. I don't think the full weight of this tragedy has hit me even yet.

There has already been one moment of silence today, as each of us learned about the worst act of terrorism in recorded history. Let the next one be of respect for the dead, and for the pain of those who have lost.