Most months my uterus and I have an uneasy peace pact. I don't get pregnant but allow it to remain in my body, and it tries not to torment me too much.

July, however, is the month when all bets are off. I'm not sure why July, but I suspect it has to do with dehydration. Anyway, completely unprovoked (it's not as if I'm teasing it with threats of surgical removal) my uterus violates all peace agreements and sends in its army of prostaglandin thugs to invade adjacent territories.

Unfortunately, the lower back, the intestines and my stomach are all fairly peaceable organs/muscles, and they have no military forces of their own. Therefore, they're completely overrun by the prostaglandin insurgents, and really get a beating.

Aches, an upset stomach that removes my appetite for days at a time, and intestinal distress make for an unhappy week each July. Not to mention messy given normal uterus functions do not cease while it directs the invaders.

That damn uterus is lucky I'm only about 90% sure I don't want kids some day…