| You know your a GHETTO College Student if... |
| 1.) You steal plasticware from the cafeteria, and napkins for Kleenex 2.) You use duct tape on a regular basis 3.) You start drinking out of bowls because the glasses are dirty 4.) You ask yourself "When was the last time I washed my sheets" or "Have I ever washed my sheets?" 5.) You start wearing your underwear inside out because laundry is a pain in athe ass or you just stop wearing underwear because laundry is a pain in the ass 6.) You walk out in the hallway in your underwear because you're too drunk to remember your clothes 7.) You steal money out of the tip jar at the bar because you only need "one more drink" 8.) Your towel is shoved under the crack of the door more often than it is around your waist 9.) You forget shower shoes and you just don't care 10.) Your room could be a recycling center with all the cans and bottles by Sunday morning 11.) Febreeze is your best friend 12.) You've made it to your floor but not quite to your bed 13.) You don't even know the name of the person you woke up next to 14.) 3 words...walk of shame 15.) You have more extension cords than outlets 16.) You find yourself calling next door because it is just too far to walk 17.) You have become a drunk dialer 18.) You only have friends on your floor because everywhere else is just too far 19.) Tylenol and Tums are within arms reach 20.) You take shots in the morning in effort to avoid the hangover 21.) When asked what you did the night before, the answer is the same - went to the bar, and well I can't remember the rest 22.) You can count the number of times you've been to the gym on 1 hand 23.) Your mom calls at 10am and your roommate tells her "I'm sorry, she's not in her bed" 24.) You use IM more than the phone 25.) You've made at least 1 hospital trip 26.) You have many unexplainable bruises 27.) You've been written up at least once (FUCK QUIET HOURS!) 28.) The spiders in your room have names 29.) You don't have any money for food but somehow you've managed to buy weed, cigarettes, and alcohol - but thank God for 7-11 30.) Instead of cleaning the dirty bowls, you just throw them away 31.) You buy 1 book for your 6 classes 32.) If it smells okay, it's clean 33.) You have more condoms in your room than pens and pencils 34.) Mmmm, tortilla chips and butterscotch pudding 35.) Monday is the official "Don't go to class day" - ahhhhhh yes 36.) You have friends named Captain Insan-O and Jailbird 37.) You regularly get begged for sex - or called for it at 2am 38.) You can't spell and your roommate can't add 39.) Your official new name is "Bitch" according to the people in your dorm 40.) Any remote or phone of any sort can never be found 41.) If something goes behind the bed, it's lost forever 42.) You name your garbage can "Mount Trashmore" 43.) You hear strange animal noises coming from the room next door 44.) The bathroom smells SO bad, you have to wrap your head in a shirt to be able to breathe 45.) There is blood on your pillow and you don't know why (THAT IS JUST GROSS) 46.) Your roommate has a tendency to spill things on your bed 47.) Your too lazy to walk to the cafeteria so you just order in 48.) You make macaroni and cheese without any milk or butter 49.) You don't like cafeteria food so you just don't eat 50.) You despise anyone who showers before class 51.) You finish off 2 cases of Ramen noodles in a month 52.) You have a 20 minute conversation on IM with the person down the hall 53.) A slurpee makes you the happiest person in the world 54.) All the tape that you have in your room is used to seal EVERY area where light can come in 55.) You are sitting right in front of the TV, but you walk to the other side of the room to fetch the remote so you can change the channel 56.) You skip your 2 o'clock class in order to sleep in 57.) You're too poor to buy pop in cans, so you buy 2 liters instead 58.) You never have clean clothes because you just can't afford to wash them 59.) You get excited when someone leaves a message, but it pisses you off when you realize it's just the girl next door 60.) When midnight trips to Wal*Mart become a weekly event 61.) You arrive at the bar and it still smells clean 62.) You know the bartenders and bouncers by name 63.) You're the 1st person to arrive at the bar and the last person to leave 64.) Your emergency cash is the $.80 in pennies you have stored away in the change cup 65.) You have to use nickels and dimes to pay the cover charge at the bar 66.) You go to sleep when it's dark outside, you wake up and it's still dark 67.) You are deathly afraid of needles, but still give plasma 2 days a week to support your drinking habit 68.) You're at the bars more days a week than you are in class 69.) You'll walk through a blizzard to go to a party, but if it's raining you refuse to go to class 70.) It's not unusual to see 4 feet in the next shower stall 71.) You randomly call people on campus because you are lonely 72.) You and your roommate constantly try to out-fart each other 73.) You have developed a weekly ritual of waking up blurry-eyed on Saturday afternoons and proceeding to determine where the hell you are 74.) You have ever heaved 13 cans of beer and a bag of pot into the closet because you suspect everyone that comes to the door is the RA 75.) You have inexplicable urges to have various body parts pierced 76.) When you wake up, it takes more than 30 seconds to realize if you are wearing contacts, glasses, or neither 77.) When you wake up, it takes more than 30 seconds to realize that you don't wear contacts or glasses 78.) You wake up in the middle of the night, pee in a beer bottle, and then the next morning wake up, take a drink and exclaim, "This beer is stale!" 79.) When you walk in, the whole bar says hello 80.) Your only conversations with God are over a commode pleading, "Just help me stop puking and I'll NEVER drink again!" |
| College Student Declaration |
| Most of these were written by Lindsie and myself because in our time living together most of these have happened to us, college life warped us into some HELLA GHETTO college students |
| I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT...I live in a 2X2 foot cinder blocked prison with no windows. My roommate has sex when I am in the room...I am a college student...I have gained 15lbs or more since August...most of that is Bud Light, my best friend...I am a college student...I got more ass in the first 2 weeks of school than in my entire life combined...now I get less than ever...I do the "walk of shame"...leaving his/her room at 7:00am in the same clothes that I was in the night before...I am a college student...I drink Beast from a keg and Busch Light from a can...I will walk in the cold, dark, or snow for a beer...but refuse to go to class in the same weather...I am a college student...If I am female...I wear a pea coat, black bootleg pants and platform shoes...and have been molested by more than 1 frat guy on the dance floor...I am a college student...I have a 2.1 GPA...I have mono, but don't sleep except during my classes...I am a college student...I have forgotten what privacy is...I never make my 8:00 class...and have hooked up with every guy/girl in my dorm...I am a college student...I drink more vodka than water...my savior is the toilet...I black out for extended periods of time several nights a week...I am a college student...My friends tell me the next day about the strip tease that I did at the party the night before that I can't remember...I think cigarettes, coffee, cheetos, and Ramen noodles as being a complete meal...I am a college student...I forgot about the love-of-my-life-boyfriend/girlfriend at home, as soon as I stepped foot on campus...I go to bed at 2 and get up at 11 every day...I promise myself every day that tomorrow I will get up and go to that class that I somehow keep sleeping through...I am a college student...My computer is used for 2 purposes, AOL Instant Messenger and Napster...I have gotten in a fight with at least 1 person in my dorm and we hate each other now...I am a college student...I think nothing of going to bed at 3:30 on Wacky Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday, and Fuck-Up Friday...and getting up at 8:00 still drunk going to class...I am a COLLEGE STUDENT...Hear me roar!!! The real lessons I've learned in life...and not the pretty "friendships forever" ones...I've learned that you cannot make someone love you...All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...I've learned that waiting 'till the last minute to study for finals really is STUPID!!! I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just real assholes...I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it takes only suspicion, not proof to destroy it...I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think...I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished...I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities...I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place...I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do...I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because in the long run their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves...I've learned that no matter how hard parents try to protect their children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper...I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you way too soon and all the less important annoying ones just never go away...I've learned to say "FUCK QUIET HOURS" in 6 different languages........I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT |