Sternum’s Secret

Disclaimer: (The scene is a cops interrogation office, with our beloved author (Muffy duh) and an officer hidden in the shadows.)

M: I’m telling you everything is mine! MINEMINEMINE!
Policeman (Feather McGraw, the penguin from the wrong trousers) *Blink*

M: Stop it! It’s mine I tell you, all mine!

FM: *Blink, blink*

M: NO! It is! It is I tell you! You can’t make me say otherwise! (Starts to pant, looking like she might crack at any minute, Feathers McGraw, never one to loose an opportunity, hits her with a terrifying question)

FM: *Blink *

M: ALRIGHT! I admit it! I own nothing, yah here me NOTHING! OH why do you have to be so cruel?

FM: *Blink*

M: WAHHHHHH!

(This disclaimer was brought to you by the *cough* kind people of lawsuits ‘r’ us.)

Now here’s a little fiction I wrote, which was spawned from a conversation with another SR fan (who, for his own safety will not be named). This shall answer the age-old question “How did Sternum get Bone’s throne?”

Strumia wandered down the hallway, pondering whatever thoughts female bone citizens ponder. Suddenly, a door opened and the current ruler of Bone (whose name was F-bone) stormed out. “I hate stupid girls! I hope I never have to meet one again!” This gave Strumia an idea. ~If I seduce the Emperor I will be able to take over Bone! ~ “Yeah!” she cheered, “Go girl power!”

Unbeknownst to Strumia she was being watched by a bone man. “So…she wants to become the Emperor of Planet Bone does she?” He asked himself. Don’t ask me how he knew…use your imagination people! “Well I don’t like Emperor F-bone so I think a little seduction would be in order.”

Unbeknownst to the unknown Bone dude (who was actually Pelvus) the current Emperor (F-bone) was listening to the tail end of Pelvus’ conversation. How did he know what was happening? Well this one I can answer…it’s because Pelvus is a stupid idiot who talks to himself VERY LOUDLY!

And so F-bone became deathly afraid that Pelvus was gay, and that Pelvus would try to seduce him! So that night, when Strumia flies into F-bones room at night, F-bone is waiting for Pelvus, with incest candles burning and nothing on. “What are you doing?” The clueless Strumia asked the exposed emperor.

“Pelvus? That isn’t you is it?”

“No sir, I’m a bone citizen who has come here to seduce you and kill you in an exposed moment.”

“Oh goody, I thought you were that poofter Pelvus!”
Then, Strumia and F-bone spent a fantastic night together…playing checkers. After the 300th game Strumia looked out the window and saw that dawn was breaking. So she prepared to leave.

“Wilt thou be gone?” F-bone whined, “It is not yet near day…”

“Night’s candles are burnt out,” replied Strumia “and jocund day stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops. I must be gone and live, or stay and die.”

“Yonder light is not daylight…”

“Let me be taken, let me be put to death. Come death and welcome! Juliet…Ah…F-bone wills it so! How is’t my soul? Let’s talk-it is not day”

“It is it is: hie hence, be gone, away!”

As Strumia walked away from that touching (if slightly unoriginal) scene she found herself thinking ~you know, I like playing the guys part…~

The next night Pelvus decided to spy on F-bone and see how the seducing was going on.

“Oh I just can’t wait until that gorgeous Strumia comes again and we can spend another fantastic night together!”

“W-what!” Pelvus spluttered. “He didn’t fall in love with her already! No! I thought it would have taken longer! He should have stayed faithful to me for longer!”

This was despite the fact that F-bone had never really liked Pelvus in the first place.

“I shall show him to betray me!” And with that he shot a bit of poison into F-bone’s *ahem* backside. And as he ran away he chuckled to himself, “Now you shall age to death! HAHAHAHA! Tonight shall be your last night alive!”

Then Strumia finally arrived and overhears Pelvus’ boasting, even though Pelvus was on other side of planet. This was because Pelvus was talking into a walkie-talkie that he thought was an empty coke can. Alarmed Strumia ran to F-bone in the bedroom to warn him that soon he will age to death. ~Wait a minute~ she thought ~This is my perfect opportunity to become Emperor! But I’m quite fond of F-bone…so I won’t wait for him to age painfully…I’ll kill him now~

But when Strumia reached F-bone she found she couldn’t kill him. “There’s only one option left…you must fly to a place were you’ll never grow old! Never-never land!”

“But how can I fly there?”

“Think of a wonderful thing”

“Any happy little thing?”

“Yep…know jump out the window and you can fly!” And, as F-bone gracefully went *splat* on the ground, Strumia sat back and wondered what was wrong.

“What missing? I know, nanonytes!” And with this Strumia grabbed Zera, who was walking past for an unknown reason, and shook some nanonytes off of her.

“Now jump” Strumia commanded and F-bone jumped in the air!

“Hey I can fly, I can fly, I can flyyyyy!”

“You idiots!” Zera cried, annoyed at being held up in the air, “Nanonytes don’t make you fly! They freeze you!” But she was ignored as Strumia told F-bone to fly out the window to the star to the right, and then on till morning.

“In my night clothes?” F-bone was shocked, “My mummy told me to never go out in my nightgown!”

“Well that’s easy…take them off!”
“Oh you’re so right that fixes everything! Goodbye everyone!”

“Send me a post card!” Pyrus called.

And with that final salute, F-bone flew off to never-never land, which had been taken over by Disney, and he couldn’t escape, due to the fact that he realised nanonytes don’t really make you fly.
Sometimes at night, you can still hear his tortured screams.

Well, later, about a month later, Strumia was extremely sad because she had never gotten a post card. Eventually Strumia decided that F-bone is dead. “Oh tragic…now I rule bone! Cool! I must take on this new challenger. Strumia warp digivole to…Sternum!”

After the tremendous strain of digivolving to a guy Sternum ruled for a long time…that is until everyone got sick of the “all girls pretend they’re guys and guys dress up as girls day” and told Femur to get rid of Sternum NOW! And so Sternum will never take on his true form, as he must await his true love, and true love’s first lick. And he lived guyly ever after.