A/N Hi, this is a combined effort from Sprite and Muffy (Be afraid, be VERY afraid!) so review, review, review!

* * *

"Get away from me!" Femur shouted, running as fast as his flab would allow. "GET AWAY!"
Femur had always thought that he was irresistible, but never to this extent! To prove how weird things were: Jade was on her knees following the tubby green dwarf.

* * *

It all started when Femur made a bet with Sternum.

"You couldn't even get a woman to kiss you!" Sternum had gloated.

"Hey you can see it in their eyes!" retorted Femur. "They're just playing hard to get, don't wanna appear too eager. After all, I AM a good catch."

Sternum raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure they're not playing, get away from me?"

"I would kill you but....I have stuff to do, and I think it best that brothers don't fight!" Femur said quickly and made for the door, hurrying as he heard Sternums disbelieving sniggers. "I'll show him" he thought to himself, "I'll teach him to snigger at ME!" When Sternum couldn’t contain himself any longer and began laughing heartily.

It was at that point, that things started to go wrong.

The frustrated little toad stormed out the room vowing to prove his elder sibling wrong.

"Outta my way!" he demanded to a lone citizen, who was unfortunate enough to get in his way

"You seem frustrated..." the man observed. "Spurned in love?"

"NO!" Femur practically shouted, before storming away.

Femur in his rage had knocked over a small amount of chemicals from a market. "Hey Buddy! You break it you bought it!" Femur turned around, blood still boiling, and threw some coins on the ground, "Have a nice day!" Shouted the vender, before Femur scooped up the chemicals, growling.

"Not you're day, is it?" a courteous voice inquired. Femur spun round, and saw the man he had bowled over earlier.

"You again!" he snarled, but beginning to feel slightly threatened. Something about this man screamed 'get away, fast!' ...and so he did

"I think you need help." It was that guy again!

"I never need help!" Said the small figure defiantly.

"No? Not even to win against your brother?"
Femur was definitely intrigued by this and turned around slowly to ask the all important question...

"Where'd you get the necklace?" he asked.

"Strange that you should ask...it has a lot to do with my proposition for you…"

"It does?" Femur looked at the over large, dark blue necklace hanging from the young man's neck.

"But it also has to do with these." He pointed to the small chemicals in Femurs hands, "That was no coincidence…" The stranger opened his hand for Femur to give him the beakers.

"What do you want with them things, I can buy new ones." said Femur.

"Not necessary my friend." replied the man, opening the necklace and tipping some red fluid into it.

"Hey!" Femur exclaimed, before the world grew black.

***

Femur woke up in his room on the floor. The necklace was on him, only it had now turned green and seemed to be getting absorbed by his neck. "Argh!" he screamed, as he failed to get it off "What the-" He groaned, tugging at the showing gems.

While still struggling against this necklace he heard the familiar footsteps of one of his comrades, which stopped at his door.

Quickly he pulled his collar round his neck and sat posing in his chair, waiting for the intruder to come it.

"Come in, come it" he said impatiently

"I don't need clearance from you toad!" said Jade.

"Toots, of course you don't, I knew you'd come around!"

Jade looked as if she had been repeatedly punched in the stomach.

"Hey! I know I'm breathtaking but...hey you ok babe?" Said a suddenly concerned green toad.

She began walking toward him, but not in her usual ‘touch me and I'll kill you’ kinda way, more in a ‘DON'T touch me and I'll kill you’ kinda way. She sat on his arm of his chair and put her legs across his lap.

"Uh...toots...nice to know what brought about this change, not that I blame you!' he added hastily, starting to relax. "Comfy there toots?" There was not a hairs breadth between them "But what about Rocky?"

"Rock-heads no longer interest me...I think green is in this year..." she said in an unusually deep voice.

Which was when Graveheart entered the room

"Jade!" he gasped, "Femur..." he gasped, in a totally different way.

"Boulde-I mean Rocky." He said, jumping off his chair and knocking Jade down in the process. "Look she's gone crazy!"

He made his exit a very short one as Jade was slowly slinking her way towards him...

"Wait! Come back Femur!" Graveheart cried, before blowing Femur's suddenly still form a kiss.

He slowly turned around- *Christ he's gonna blow my head off...* Femur thought as he walked, head bowed, back into the room.

Graveheart squatted down so that he was eye-to-eye with Femur.

"Femur, there's something...different about you today.”

"Yeah, um...the collars protecting my neck...I heard that all great leaders get assassinated-mostly by axes the, the ne-" he struggled to make an excuse.

"No that's not it...your eyes seem...I don't know...a brighter red and you seem greener..." Replied Graveheart.

"Uh...that's nice" Femur squeaked, before running. The lust filled figures stood there, looking confused and frustrated.

Femur ran a short way down the hall before hearing Pelvus’s voice shout his name. 'Oh no.' he groaned, 'Not Pelvus!'

He slowly turned around..."Oh God! He's dressed in leather! This is TOO weird!”

* * *

Femur dove into the nearest room and locked the door.

"Femur? What are you doing in the control room?" Tekla asked.

"Hiding out Toots...hey is there something in the water-everyone's gone crazy!"

"Femur, I have never known you to..." Tekla trailed off as she approached Femur.

"Not you too...” Femur sighed, “this stuff works better than lynx!" He said in an almost horrified tone.

"Not me too what Feeemur?" She asked, placing one hand on his chest

"Princess Tekla's system has sped up 67%" Voxx said.

Femur backed away...he wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but for him, it probably would result in more sexual harassment...

"Now where are YOU going?" Tekla inquired, suddenly moving much faster, "You wouldn't be thinking of leaving me, would you?"

"Uh...n-no toots, just uh...gotta go get something! Sorry," he said waving his arms and pointing in all directions "Stuff to take care of..." Femur said, before running out

* * *

He slammed the door shut behind him, and slumped to the floor, breathing a sigh of relief. "Thank you" he whispered to whoever was listening

"Femur, help!" Pyrus hurtled towards him, followed by a rather angry looking Zera.

He hid behind the small green man "She's gone crazy Femur! Crazy!"

"What’s the panic kid?" enquired Femur.

"Well there was this guy and a necklace..."

"Weird looking guy with a blue necklace?" Femur snapped, as Zera approached them.

"Ye-oof!" Pyrus was knocked backwards as Zera launched onto him

"I said I want’s man meats!" Shouted Zera, to the bewilderment of her audience.

Unfortunately for the slimy toad, this was when she looked up. "But since you’re th-" She looked up at Femur and removed her hands from Pyrus, "Child." She said, as if poor Pyrus had crawled out from under a rock, "Hello ...Femur" she said, looking him over.

"No kid, you're meant to be the innocent one!" Said Femur, pushing her back over to Pyrus "Leave me out of it!” he said, quickly jogging away.

"Ohhh, Pyrus..."

"FEMUR!" Pyrus shouted, before the door shut.

Sounds of a scrambling Pyrus could be heard as Femur ran as fast as his flabby little body could stand.

Followed by a *thunk* and the happy little sounds of teenagers.

Femur stopped for a minute...should he pull the kid out? After all, that's what he would want...and the kid would be freezing with that ice queen...but...maybe not...who knows what creative things were going on in that room...as the necklace seemed (from what little he had seen) to annihilate the "problem" fire and ice usually had when touching.

* * *

‘But that don’t help me much’ thought Femur. He had decided not to hide in a room-too much effort, and besides there would probably be someone there, he could run easier from where he was.

He was now faced with a rather nasty problem...how was he going to get this necklace off? It seemed to be getting absorbed as he thought and he was afraid that would make the effects permanent…

‘This was bad, he couldn't run around having everyone fall in love with him, the girls were ok... but the guys! He shuddered, and ran smack-bang into Sternum.

Maybe his brother would be immune! ...no such luck...

* * *

"You know..." Sternum said, once he had his little brother clasped in his arms, "All those years on the Prison Planet can make a guy lonely..."

"It's incest! Incest I tell you!" Shouted Femur.

"Oh come now little brother…" said Sternum, "you as well as I know what loneliness feels like..."

No I don't!" Femur squeaked in indignation "I am all mighty....not lonely!"
"HHHEEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP!" Femur screamed, giving up all hope.

Zuma ambled into the room...

"Not from you" he shuddered...what if she wanted-why yes...yes she did. The fuzzy creature shoved Sternum away and held Femur round the waist.

"W-we want you" she 'said’ to him, before leaning down to kiss him

Which was when she realised she had no mouth

"No. I don't think that'll happen." said Jade as she and Graveheart walked into the room followed by a rather confused looking Cryos.

"Oh my god!" Shouted Femur "What’s wrong with Cryos?!" He screamed, pointing to the aged insect. As everyone turned to look, he RAN.

Cryos, still looking confused, shrugged as a small green blur left the room.

* * *

Femur ran until his little legs collapsed like green jelly. THAT had been a good diversion. Lucky they were all so inferior to him, or he might have gotten kissed by a...BUG! Femur shuddered. He HAD to get this thing off!

But before he had even begun to recover two strong arms restrained him

"Hey Bro, look I-" His sibling put a hand over Femur’s mouth

"Shhh, the others will hear you!" But it was too late, all of Femurs followers (bar Zera and Pyrus) were in the room; Graveheart at the front.

Femur fought and bit, struggled and screamed, but it was to no avail.

He was at the bottom of a pile of bodies that seemed to be growing every second as passer-bys stopped to see what the fuss was about.

Graveheart began a verbal assault on Sternum, telling him to hand Femur over until the decision was reached.

"Orgy anyone?" asked Sternum.

"I am not your piece of meat!" Shouted the green blob. Everyone in the room was getting closer to him and Rock was about to lay his lips on Femur’s when the last crystal was absorbed and the tall rock man retracted as if he had been stung.

"What the-?" he asked as Sternum let go of his brother,

"Freedom! Woohoo!" shouted the victim, running in a desperate bid for freedom.

* * *

"Woo-" SPLAT as Femur tripped over something

"What the?" He looked up, to see Zera happily kissing Pyrus. 'Poor kid...' Femur thought, before he realised what was missing. The necklace. Grinning to himself, he decided not to 'save' the young prince, and crept off to his room, to barricade the doors from the angry horde.

THE END (yes, you can run away now)

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