October 1996-July 1997

My grandpa (deceased June 23,96) had both Crohns disease and Colitis. He wanted me to go to his GI doctor, so I agreed to give it a shot. My first visit went well. My grandpa came along to listen what the doc had to say. My medicines were changed to Asacol, Prednisone, and Prilosec. The GI doc wanted to put me on a few anti-spasmatic drugs for my intestines as well. In the months to follow I had a ton of tests done. A barium follow-through showed that I still had inflammation. He wanted me to have a colonoscopy to get a look at my Crohns disease to see where it's stages were. Maybe it had gotten worse, or maybe it had gotten better. After the colonoscopy we were told that my Crohns wasn't any better, and that the passage was really narrowed from inflammation and scar tissue. Imuran was the next medicine I was placed on.

I was admitted to the hospital on June 15th, 1996 so that they could monitor my blood when I started taking the imuran, and give me bowel rest to try and stop the flare up. A few days later I still wasn't doing any better. Right away the doctor started saying that he wanted to do surgery. I was like...no way are you doing surgery on me anytime soon! I was NOT going to let them cut me open! I knew what happened after you have a bowel resection. You lose intestines, and keep loosing them once you've had a surgery. Its not a cure-just a temporary fix! That scared me to death. I always feared of running out of intestines and dying. But the doctor went along with me and said that he would give the imuran more time to work.

While I was in the hospital the nurses tried to give me these very foul tasting juices and jello. On the food tray, next to them would be this piece of paper saying "this delicious Jell-O/Juice was prepared especially for you with the special *nutrious* mix that has triple the calories! Please try to eat as much as you can because you need the calories" My mom would quickly get angry at me for not eating them. I would tell her how awful they were. Finally I told her to have a taste of it, and she did. The next time the doctor questioned me why I wasn't eating it she told him how disgusting it was!!barfffffffffffffff! I was released on June 20, 1996. In the next month to follow I started improving!!!

My good fortune was short lived. I started getting sick again and I didn't understand why. I did everything the doctors told me to! I was just so nauseated to my stomach that I wanted to not live anymore. I couldn't eat ANYTHING, even water. This went on for 8 months!! Everytime I seen my GI doctor I would tell him how horrible I felt. At first he adjusted some of my meds, and would schedule me to see him in a month. He would say it was stress, or something like that, or maybe I had a stomach bug. It got to the point where I could no longer stand it!! He put me back in the hospital in May 1996 to try and figure out the problem. While I was in the hospital I was allowed to have anything to eat that I wanted. After every meal the nurses would look at my tray and do a calorie count. The entire week that I was in the hospital added up to what you should have for ONE day of eating. I just wasn't getting any better. The only test my doctor did on me was a few blood tests. One night he came to my room and talked to my mom and I about sending in a psychologist to evaluate me. My GI doctor thought for sure that it was all in my head. Thats what he had said the entire time anyways. We agreed to see the psychologist.

The next night the psychologist came to see me. He talked with me for about 30 minutes and told me that he thought he knew what was wrong with me, and he told me that I had panic attacks and anxiety disorder, and that I had school avoidance. (Later on I would actually get to read the paper he wrote on me, and he turned everything around that I told him!) I sure don't understand what he meant school avoidance because I never missed a day in my life, till I got sick. And on top of that I was on the honor roll! I loved school! HE must be the crazy one. The psychologist left, and I went hysteric! Who wouldn't go crazt if you just heard someone tell you that you made yourself SICK!?!? How could I mak MYSELF sick?? I tried to eat, but the nausea was so bad! I couldn't even walk in the grocery store because the canned foods had pictures of food on them. I was told so many things to do so I could eat. Like, try holding your nose closed, or close your eyes. YEAH RIGHT! Anyone who has ever had nausea knows that there is NO way to make it go away so you can eat, and trying things such as holding your nose doesn't change a thing. The nurses called my mom, who quickly drove the 35 miles BACK to the hospital. She had just got home when the nurses called her. The nurses were just as mad as my mom was at the psychologist for telling me that I had those mental problems. He really wasn't allowed to do that, and I was under age at the time. The following day my mom was at the hospital at 8am so she was sure not to miss my GI doctor making his morning rounds. When he arrived he discussed what the psychologist reported to him, and none the less told me that there was absolutley nothing else he could do to help me, and that I would have to learn to live with the nausea. WHAT??? did he actually say that??? HE CANT HELP ME?? Now I really was going to go mental. He did no other tests, or anything...he just assumed it was all in my head, and because I was female it was also pinpointed on my nerves. My mom didn't believe what she heard, and neither did I.

I was then released from the hospital-even though I still couldn't eat-and sent home to suffer. The GI doctor also started me on 2 anti-depresants. Even though I was against it, I thought maybe, just maybe I did have something mental wrong with me. I never felt like I did, but now this raised the question. But, I never believed I was mental. My mom and I had a talk about what the psychologist said and I told her that I WAS NOT mental, that I was REALLY having the nausea and everything. It wasnt in my head, it was for real. I stopped seeing this GI doctor. Would I EVER find a doctor that listened to me ??

Read next part of my story August 1997-May 1998

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