| 10 |
You get a threatening note made up of letters cut
out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, the same font,
and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows. |
| 9. |
You find a lemon slice in the dog's water bowl |
| 8. |
On her TV show she makes a gingerbread house that
looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen licorice downspout and
the half-open graham cracker garage door. |
| 7. |
You find your pet bunny on the stove in an
exquisite tarragon, rose petal & saffron demi-glace', with pecan-crusted hearts
of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce. |
| 6. |
The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you
even after you leave the bathroom. |
| 5. |
You discover that every napkin in the entire
house has been folded into a swan |
| 4. |
No matter "where" you eat, your place
setting always includes an oyster fork. |
| 3. |
Twice this week you've been the victim of a
drive-by doilying. |
| 2. |
You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and
endive stuffing in every orifice. |
| 1. |
You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed
squarely at your temple. |
laughs
have been passed around