1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move, and
   it should, use WD-40. If it moves, and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I
   apologize" and "You are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
   

5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat
   crow while it's still warm.

6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go!
   You might meet somebody!"

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her-believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year
   from now? How about one month ?. One week? One day?'

9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a
    bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was
    right about you.

12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

13. And finally... Be really nice to your friends. You never know when
    you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

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