Some gangsters think of robbing a bank, they make the best plan that can be made and start to work. A day or two later they are able to get into the bank. They see hundreds of safes, the head gangster says, open the first one up. They open the safe and only thing they find in there is a vanilla pudding. The Head Gangster says " Ok what can we do? At least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They open up the second Safe and there stands more vanilla pudding, they eat this too. This process goes on for the rest of the safes. They get out all stuffed. And they say "At least we were able to eat." Next day, on the news: "Yesterday the biggest sperm bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people"
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy. "She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor. "She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!" The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!" Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my God!", said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"
During the day Susie worked as a airport ticket collector. One day a man in a gray trench coat approached her. Suddenly the stranger exposed himself to Susie. Calmly, she said to him: sir you have to show me your ticket, not your stub.
Igor, a successful Russian agrarian, is walking along the shore of the Black Sea. He finds an odd shaped lamp, so he picks it up and rubs it in jest. Out pops a Genie and promises to grant Igor only one wish. "Gee, I have everything I need. I have a beautiful loving spouse, more money than I could ever spend, and I am free to travel anywhere in the world tending to my business interests. I really can't think of anything that I really need," says Igor. "Think hard," says the Genie, "there must be something you wish that you had." So Igor thinks long and hard for 20 minutes. Finally he says, "You know, I really do love drinking good Vodka, but sometimes I just can't find it when I want some. Therefore, I wish that I could piss Vodka." "Very well," says the Genie, "Pissing Vodka you shall have." The genie hands him a glass and instructs him to piss in it. He does. Then she asks him to smell it. He does. Then she asks him to taste it. He does. "This is the best Vodka I've ever tasted!" Igor exclaims. "Thank you." The Genie disappears, and Igor returns home. That night Igor gets 2 glasses and pisses into each one. He takes them into the den and gives one to his wife to drink and one for himself. "This is delicious," his wife Raisa tells him. So every night for the next 5 night he comes home from work, pisses in 2 glasses and enjoys the drink with his wife. On the seventh night he comes home from work but only pisses Vodka into one glass. When he enters the den, Raisa asks him,"Where is my drink dear Igor." "Ah," Igor replies, "Tonight I will teach you how to drink right from the bottle.
Darwin Ng plays good basketball. Now that's funny!
Three Doors Down: "Kyptonite"
