Say What?!

Ok... the following was shared to me by a friend from the U.K. and according to him, these are real  letters (well, snippets for that matter) people send to the local council offices.  It's so funny how people use words to express one thing that means entirely different for others.  Eat your heart out David Letterman.  Thanks Jim... you made me do a double-take  

• my bush is really overgrown and and my back passage has fungus growin on it

• the man next door has this enormous tool that vibrates... i can't take anymore

• my next-door-neighbours' son is continually banging his balls against my fence

• will you please send a man to look at my water... it's a funny colour... and not fit to drink

• the man next door has a huge erection in his back garden... which is unsightly and dangerous

• i wish to complain about the farmer up the road... every morning at 6:00 am his cock wakes me up... and it's getting too much for me

• my toilet seat is broken... where do i stand

• i want my cooker repaired... it backfired and burnt my knob off

• the toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is fixed

• i am writing on behalf of my sink... it is coming away from the wall

• i am still having problems with smoke in my drawers

• i hurt my ankle when i put my foot in a hole in my back passage

• my toilet seat is broken in half... and is now in three pieces

• i request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

• please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy me

• i live in a downstairs flat... and wish to complain about the noise made by the man on top of me every night

• will you please send someone round to fix my path... my wife tripped yesterday... and now she is pregnant

• i've had the clerk of works on the floor six times... still no satisfaction

• i have phoned u 6 times times to tell u my phone isn't working

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