The fall semester at CIU I still had no idea I was going to Israel, yet it was sealed beginning my first week of attendance during registration. I registered myself to major in the Middle-Eastern Studies program. Why the Middle-Eastern Studies program? At the time I would have told you a story about how I was able to pray at a mosque in Trinidad during a mission trip the summer of 2001, and while I was praying God had given me a heart to minister to the people of Islam. That would have been a lie. The truth is that same story only at a Budhist temple. I switched the religion at hand to disillusion myself, and others, to suit an ill-supported dependency problem, which is another story altogether. I will get into why I am a Middle-Eastern Studies major another time.
Sad to say but my first semester at CIU was almost a complete waste. Looking back I can see how much of an effort it took to drown God out. He was speaking to me so much, and I was so oblivious. My prayer life had only marginally increased. I tried to convince myself that I depended on the Lord alone; truthfully I did not. And my arrogance surfaced big time. Every one of my actions were as if to say, "Look at me; look at me!" I think the band Audio Adrenalin put it best when they wrote the lyrics "don't look at me, I'm see through". This was beginning to look like My Freshman Year at Bryan College Volume II.
It was during this first semester that I learned, very suprisingly, that I was going to Israel. It was late October, mind you that school started mid-August, when I found out. Almost two full months of ignorance; that is pretty comical. Any dunce could have looked in the catalogue to see what the major requirements for Middle-Eastern Studies are. Not me. But this particular day all the ME majors met with our advisor Dr. Bryan Beyer, who is the biggest nut you will ever meet. There are only six or seven of us so we met at his house. Throughout the course of the meeting students kept asking questions about studying for a semester or year in Jerusalem. At first I paid the questions little mind until I began to notice that all the students had either gone or were planning on going. Gradually I became more curious, though I never intended on actually going and leaving everything behind.
Okay, the curiosity had built up so much that I just had to ask, "Dr. Beyer, what's the difference between staying one semester in Jerusalem, or staying a full year?" Obviously it was not an intelligent question based on the looks I got.
"Those minoring in Middle-Eastern Studies go to Jerusalem for a semester, and majors go for a year," he replied.
"Oh."
So then I knew. And even as I sit here in Jerusalem now with the cool wind blowing in from the west off the Mediterranean a whole year later, it has not yet sunken in. Even after I leave I do not thing it ever will.
A whole semester passed me by at CIU. I spent so much time looking at myself that I did not notice the beautiful treasures that the Lord had placed all around me. This would not be for long, however, because the Lord had had enough of my attitude. He wanted me to need him and him alone. So after a long uneventful Christmas break he tore my world apart.
On the scale of bad things happening to people what happened to me was minor. A crisis occured in my family as the Lord lead me into my own personal crisis. Both served to get my attention in a very dramatic way. Those closest to me and my family are sure to understand this. One thing I have learned is that God is God; if he wants my attention then he can get it.
He saw my three reoccuring faults: deception, arrogance, and idolatry, and he had a plan to help me out with each. He removed those things which I had come to depend on so much, and the resulting pain took care of the other two. It is hard to put up a facade when someone asks you what is wrong and you burst into tears in the middle of a crowded cafeteria; it is also hard to be arrogant. Tears, it seems to me, are the main ingredient in true genuine friendship. Friendships based on similarities and interests are good and fun indeed, but friendships that are birthed in pain and hardship are extraordinary. And those treasures that I had ignored so long came my way.
CIU has an incredible program called field education. It is a requirement. Each semester you are given the opportunity to have a ministry in the community. One of those ministries is evangelism through drama with the Performing Arts division. At the beginning of the year I auditioned and was placed on the Hodge Podge Performing Arts Team. Unmistakably the Lord had his hands in this. I did not realize this, though, until second semester when the Lord had graciously opened my eyes. Quoted from my own mouth the other Hodge Podgers were a bunch of "dorks". But come second semester these dorks were much happier than I was. Genuinely happy. Even in my happiest hour there I had not been genuinely happy, or maybe joyful would be a better word. This "cool cat" was beginning to think he would enjoy the life of a dork. Or maybe a truer statement would be to say that this cool cat was beginning to realize that he was really a dork at heart. And a dork was what God wanted me to be because these people are the most genuinely loving and godly people I know. These Hodge Podgers, and the friends I met through them, are each one-in-a-million and I am so greatful that they all "ended up" at CIU. Moreso I am greatful for their companionship for they taught me more about life, love and godliness in one semester than I could ever have aspired to learn in a lifetime. Thank you all so much!
