medicalarchive

Archived Medical Advice

...with Dr Holden Cough

HSSE ISSUES - PROTECTORS

Protector A
Chris Houghton

Player Health - Protectors

Whilst the bat itself is obviously the most important equipment in a batsman�s kit bag, protective gear is also vital. The most crucial of this protective gear is of course, appropriately known as a �protector�.

Shielding the most vital of non-cerebral organs, it has been known by various colloquialisms such as the �box� and is regularly the central figure in amusing cricketing anecdotes, often at the expense of opposition players or more humorously, teammates.

One aspect of its existence that is not in the slightest bit amusing however, is its custody. All to often, improper care or inappropriate sharing of this equipment leads to infection and/or the transportation of disease.

To demonstrate this fact, we have analyzed 3 protectors from current Mt Waverley players with the following results. To save any embarrassment, I will refrain from identifying the player�s names and will refer to the protectors as Chris Houghton, Michael Fisher and Dean Taylor.

Protector A (Chris Houghton)

3 sources of human sweat secretions
Skin flakes (1 source)
Single pubic hair (red)
Trace elements of chocolate body paint
Talc
Tinea Versicolor

Protector B (Michael Fisher)

1 source of human sweat secretion
22 pubic hairs (black)
3 pubic hairs (blond)
1 pubic hair (red)
1 toenail clipping
1 source of human urine
Trace elements of personal lubricant
Mushroom Spores
Methylenedioxymethamphetamine

Protector C (Dean Taylor)

2 sources of human sweat secretion
Skin flakes (4 sources)
Deep Heat
Nonoxynol 9
Petroleum Jelly
Bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE)
Cottee�s Strawberry Fruit Conserve

In an effort to minimalize the chances of infection or disease, players should follow these simple guidelines.

1.	When purchasing a new protector soak it in kerosene for 2 to 3 days. Then set it on fire. This will kill any existing microorganisms responsible for disease.
2.	Refrain from loaning out or borrowing other�s protective equipment.
3.	If borrowing a protector is unavoidable, ensure that you smear copious amounts of Deep Heat over the entire surface of the protector. Repeat this before handing it back to its owner.
4.	When storing between usages, keep sealed in an airlock bag in a refrigerator or freezer.

If symptoms persist, an effort should be made to bathe occasionally. Infected areas should be scrubbed using steel wool and household disinfectant

Protector B
Michael Fisher

Protector C
Dean Taylor

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws