How to solve the Y2K problem

1 - Start up Microsoft Word
2 - Press CTRL + H
3 - Type Y
4 - press TAB
5 - Type K
6 - now press the button called "Change All"

and TADAAAAA you have solve the "Y" to "K" problem

***
(this one is for my mother ...)

Q: How do you make a bunch of little old ladies say "fuck"?
A: Shout "Bingo!"

***

Q: What's the logo for the new Polish tampon?
A: "We may not be number 1, but were still up there!"

***

President Clinton's NCAA Final 4 Picks ...

1. Ball State
2. Oral Roberts
3. Brigham Young
4. Moorehead

***

A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!"
and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"

***

Hey Diddle Diddle,
My penis is little,
And shriveled and shrunk like a prune.
But if you will squeeze it,
And tease it, and please it,
It'll blow up just like a balloon.

***

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said,
"Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?"

***

Why does the Easter bunny hide his eggs?


He doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken.

***

Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never come
this way before"; the second one replies "Must be the cobbles"

***

A rooster says cock-le-dood-le-doo...

A blonde says any-cock-le-doo...

***

What do you get when you put 50 politicians in a room with 50 lesbians?




- 100 people who don't do dick!

***

Q: What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.

Q: What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.

***

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now."

Person: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support: "Well?"

Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"

***

Q: Why is taking Viagra like going to Disneyland?


A: Because you have to wait an hour for a ride that lasts
just two minutes.

***

Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70.

When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered,

"Why should I be upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can't drive."

***

A boy asks his father to use the car and the father replies "No, not until
you cut your hair!". The boy replies "But father...Jesus had long hair!" to
which his father says, "Yeah, but Jesus walked everywhere."

***

A man walks into the doctor's with a fly-wheel between his legs. The doctor
said, "What's that?".

"I don't know," said the man, "But it's driving me nuts."

***

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?





Three -- one to change the bulb,one to blow up the balloons and one to hold
the zebra.

***

Did you hear about the new Bonds on the market? They are all flawed,


The Dole Bond....it has no interest

The Newt Bond....it has no Maturity

The Clinton Bond....it has no Principal

***

"I got married", said the first tavern regular, "so that I could have
sex 3, 4, or 5 times a week."

"That's very ironic", said the second regular. "That's exactly why I
got divorced."

***

'So, you want a job here. One question : do you tell lies?'

Disappointed, the applicant replies, 'No...' then brightens up and say,
'but...I can
learn!'

***

The mother catches her kid masturbating and warns him:

"Ben, you're gonna go blind if you keep touching yourself."

And the kid answers, "Well, can I just do it, then, until I need
glasses?"

***

Did you know they have a new meal at McDonalds?
It comes with 1 Chicken McNugget, 1 French Fry and a large Diet Coke.
Its called the McBeal Meal.
It also comes with a happy toy: a plastic finger.

***

A truck carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus overturned on the highway.

The local newspaper reported that onlookers were "stunned, overwhelmed,
astonished, bewildered, and dumbfounded."

***

The boss was furious. 'You're fired!'

'But why, Boss?' Sam asked. 'I work 8 hours and sleep 8 hours, like
everyone
else.'

'Unfortunately in your case, they are the same 8 hours!'

***

Hello, this is your mother ...
If you want my advice: Press 1.
If you just want to argue: Press 2.
If you want to leave a message:
Wait for the tone.
If you just want to aggravate me
or borrow more money: *Hang Up*!

***

Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?

Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

***

God said to Adam, "I've got some good news and some bad news. First the
good
news. I have given you a brain and a penis. The bad news... I've only given
you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"

***

O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back
pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he
felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"

***

Sign at a car repair shop:

WE DO 3 TYPES OF JOBS -- CHEAP, QUICK AND GOOD. YOU CAN
HAVE ANY TWO.

A GOOD-QUICK JOB -- WON'T BE CHEAP

A GOOD-CHEAP JOB -- WON'T BE QUICK

A CHEAP-QUICK JOB -- WON'T BE GOOD

***

Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China. They decided to become
American citizens, and "Americanize" their names.

Bu, called himself "Buck."

Chu called himself "Chuck."

Fu decided to return to China.

***

The Yuppie was accosted by a hooker. She said, "How 'bout
some relaxing oral sex honey... only $50... you look all
uptight."
"No way!" the man responded. "I'm married!!!"
"So???" queried the hooker.
"My wife will do it for $35." he replied.

***

As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying,

"Relax...; you are NOT the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients.

But, another voice kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian!"

***

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asks, "What's that for?"

"It's for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

He replies, "Gotcha!"

***

You know someone has been computing too long when ...

You overhear your them talking about "high school", "his first time", and
the "prom" and......

Uou realize he's talking about"his first computer", the Apple IIe, and the
"EPROM"

***

The success of the 'Wonder Bra' for under-endowed women has encouraged
the designers to come out with a bra for over-endowed women.

It's called the 'Sheep Dog Bra'... it rounds them up and points them in
the right direction.

***

In an interview, Pamela Anderson said that if she were Hillary, she
would leave President Clinton.

In response, Clinton said, "If Pamela Anderson were Hillary, none of
this would have happened in the first place."

***

I rented a movie from Blockbuster. Before the movie begins a message comes
on the screen saying, "This movie has been altered to fit your television
screen."

My Girlfriend asked: "How do they know what size television you have?"

***
It is said that president Bill Clinton is considering changing the
Democratic Party emblem from a donkey to a condom because it stands for
inflation, it protects a bunch of pricks, it halts production, and it gives
a false sense of security when being screwed.

***

5 Worst Reasons for being an Egg ...

1. You only get hard once.

2. You only get eaten once.

3. You only get laid once.

4. The only woman to ever sit on your face is your mother.

5. When you cum, you have to cum in a box with 11 other guys!

***

In a recent television show in the UK, actor and comedian John Cleese
explained three reasons why the British are superior to Americans:

1. They speak English.

2. When they host a world championship they invite other countries.

3. Visitors to the head of state are only expected to go down on ONE
knee.

***
Observing his female coworker's tight jeans fit, a man asked in
wonderment and admiration, "How DO you get into those pants?"

"Oh, some nice flowers, a little wine, and dinner at a chic
restaurant is usually a goodstart," she replied.

***

Woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband,
"Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!"
"Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
"Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"

***

A college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders. The
coach said, "You're such a big guy--why did you marry such a petite woman?
She's no bigger than your hand."

"That's right, Coach," replied the lineman, "but she's much better!"

***

"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court
judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week." "That's very
fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to
send her a few bucks myself."

***

Sean was fishing and it started to rain, so he moved under the
bridge for shelter.
His pal McGinty saw him and called, "Sean, me boy, are ye afeared
of a few spots o' rain, now?"
Sean replied, "I'm not...the fish come here fer shelter."

***

A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans
over to the bunny and says"Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to
your fur"? The bunny says "No". So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his
ass.

***

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over
the meat.

'Are you crazy?' yelled the customer, 'with your hand on my steak?'

'What' answers the waiter, 'You want it to fall on the floor again?'

***

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this
afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have
recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging
continues into the evening.

***

Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a
make up compact and looks into the mirror. "This picture looks like
someone
I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy,
it's
ME...."

***

There were 2 gay guys screwing up the butt and when they got done one said
that he had to go to the store. He said "Don't wack off while I'm gone".
The other guy said "Ok".

When he got back there was cum all over the walls. He said "I thought I
told you not to wack off."

The other said "I didn't, I farted".