| Things Legolas Would Never Do or Say 1. Archery sucks orc! 2. I love dwarfs 3. Burn the trees burn em�muahhahahahhahahahhahahhahahhahahhahaahahahahhahahahaha! 4. Gimli come give me hug 5. Ahhhhhhhhh get that icky orc away from me, it�ll ruin my outfit!!! 6. *Mournfully* I think I broke a nail 7. Strider why the long face, it looks awful 8. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*Fellowship all turn round to see what�s wrong*I got a split end, oh the humanityFellowship: *sigh* 9. You�re right Gimli, I should grow a beard 10. *Tosses hair* Because I�m worth it 11. That elven tart Arwen stole my man!!!!!! 12. I�ve been giving this a lot of thought and I have decided that I�m going tobecome a dwarf and go live in a nice, dark, smelly cave 13. *When Boromir dies*What? It's only 3 arrows, you sissy!!!!!! 14. I told you so but did you listen to me?! Noooooooooooooooo don�tlisten to the pretty elf listen to the stupid dwarf!!!!!!!! 15. GO SUCK AN ORC!!!!! 16. *When Gimli beats him in their body count game*It�s not ffffffffffaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrr*throws a paddy* 17. Awwwwww how cute!!*Picks up Gollum and hugs him* Can I keep him, can I? CanI? Plllllllleeeeeeeeaaaaasssseeeee!!!!!????? 18. Hey, look how far I can cram the ring up my nose! 19. I�m too sexy for my bow, too sexy for my bow, too sexy yeah 20. Look at ma sexy body 21. Lets prance around and sing the happy song! *Starts dancing round a treesinging �Happy, happy, joy, joy� while the fellowship pretend they don�t knowhim* 22. Look what I found, it�s much better than that crappy bow*pulls out abazooka* Muahahahahhahahahhahahahha look out dwa�.. I mean orcs!!!! 23. Hey Gimli, you know you love Galadriel*pulls out one of her gowns and holdit up to himself* How do I look? Do you think this makes my bum look big?Gimli:*Splutters*Legolas: I knew it, I look like a big fat ugly whale don�t I?! * Bursts intotears and runs off*Gimli: *Scared look* 24. Pippin: What�s for lunch?Legolas: I�ll get it *whips out a mobile phone and dials* Yes, extra largefamily sized pizza��yes��..with extra cheese.Fellowship: *Stares* 25. *Legolas walks in wearing baggy clothes and a back to front cap*Strider: What are you wearing Legolas?Legolas: God, you�re soooooooo stupid, I hate you!!!!!!Strider: Huh!?Legolas: Alright, alright, I�ll pick up my arrows, because yoooou can�t bebothered!!!!*Stomps off looking for arrows*Strider: Well that was unusual 26. *In the middle of a battle with orcs, everyone�s fighting when suddenly Legolas dances out from behind a tree in a pink to-to while �swan lake� plays in the background. Everyone stops fighting and stare in shock, suddenly the orc army scream and run away* L: Humph some people just have no culture 27. *Legolas in a sailormoon outfit, points a stick with a cardboard moon stuck on it at an orc* Elf power!!!!* Hits orc on the head with it, doesn�t even faze it* Oh no, Tuxedo Mask save me!!!*No one comes* Anyone!!!!! Gimli: *Sighs and chops orcs head off with his axe* L: My hero!!!! G: *Growls* Crazy elf!!!! L: *Snaps out of it* Stupid dwarf!!!! G: That�s more like it 28. Forget Mordor lets go to Disneyland!!! Fellowship: *Evil glares all round* L: Just a thought 29. *In Moria, running away from the Balrog* Gimli: *Jumps and misses the ledge* Legolas: *Grabs hold of his beard* Gimli: Not the beard, not the beard!!! Let go!!! Legolas: If you insist *Lets go of Gimli�s beard* Gimli: Ha no one touches the beard! *Falls to his death* Legolas: Oh well, that gets rid of him, stupid dwarf Gimli�s ghost: Crazy elf! Legolas: *Shots Gimli�s ghost with an arrow and turns round to find the fellowship gaping at him* Legolas: What!? 30.*When big monster thing comes out of the lake and grabs Frodo, Everyone�s fighting it�� well all except Legolas* Strider: Damn it where the hell are you Legolas?! That things got Frodo!!!!!!!! *He doesn�t get answer but strange beeping noises come from behind him, he and all the fellowship turn round* Legolas: *Sitting on a rock playing a Game Boy* DANM IT MY PCYDUCK FAINTED, YOU CRAPPY LITTLE SH*T!!!!!!!! Gimli: Cool pokemon. Can I play? Legolas: NO!!!! Get your own you short bearded twerp!!! Frodo: *Clears throat* Excuse me Fellowship: WHAT!? Frodo: I don�t want to rush you here, but I am being held upside down by a big monster thingy, oh yeah and I�m going to DIE!!!! Legolas: *Sobbing over his fainted Pcyduck* It always has to be about you doesn�t it Frodo: *Apologetically* Oh I�m sorry you feel that way.��.I won�t bother you again��don�t mind me *Frodo is pulled into the depths of the river only to be belched up again. No one notices because they�re all watching Legolas play pokemon* Legolas: *singing* Gotta catch em� all!!!!! Fellowship: *Also Singing* POKEMON! The End |