Waystopiss

Ways to Piss Off Everyone During "Lord of the Rings"

-Whenever there is a close-up of Legolas, Legolas is somewhere on the screen, or is mentioned by any of the characters, giggle, cat-call, shriek, faint, or orgasm.
-Laugh loudly when Bilbo goes all crazy and he gets that freaky computer-animated look on his face
-Keep laughing five minutes after Gandalf has hit his head on the Bilbo�s ceiling.
-When talking about Bilbo, call him Dildo.
-Cough when it's quiet and a character is trying to explain something. -After a character has explained something and you were coughing so loudly, cry, "What?! I don�t understand this movie!"
-Cheer when Legolas kills an orc.
-When Sam is drowning and people are getting teary-eyed, say, "Blub blub blub!"
-At the end, when Frodo and Sam are sharing a moment, start talking about their "actual sexuality".
-Cheer when Legolas breathes. It's a good thing.
-Laugh whenever someone "dies" A few examples would be when Frodo is stabbed, when Sam is drowning, when Frodo is stabbed again, when Gandalf flies up at the ceiling, when Frodo nearly falls into the seemingly bottomless cavern thing, when Gandalf actually does fall into the seemingly bottomless cavern thing, or whenever someone looks like they are going to die, but they don't.
-After there is no music or anyone talking and the only sound is someone saying something really important that the audience should know, turn around in your seat and ask the people in the audience, "What did he say?" or "What does that mean?" or "Did you get that? Isn't this movie confusing?"
-Cheer when Legolas blinks.
-Whenever the camera is flying around the big freaky castle castle and it looks really cool, complain about how it looked SO much better on the stadium screen and that this one sucks compared to it.
-After a character is introduced, ask, "What the bloody hell? Who are they?"
-Laugh the loudest and the longest and the most obnoxious of the entire audience at every single funny part and even at the parts that aren't funny.
-Have a debate with yourself in the theater about how Merry and Pippin are the ones that ruin everything and cause most of the problems and how everyone would be better off without them, but defend that they are the comic relief and are necessary because Gandalf hitting his head wasn�t all that great now that you think about it.
-Just fucking cheer for Legolas, okay?
-Talk about how everything looks so fake and the entire movie sucks. -When Gandalf dies, tell everyone, "Don't worry, folks! He's not REALLY dead!"
-When Frodo's on the screen and crying, sob hysterically and throw yourself at the screen and pet the image of Elijah Wood.
-When Boromir is dying and talking to Aragorn, point and shout, "Look! When it shows Boromir, you can see his hand groping Aragorn's neck! But, when Aragorn is on the screen, Boromir isn't groping his neck! Look! See?!"
-Explain to everyone how they made the hobbits look smaller and everyone else taller.
-Pretty much explain how ALL of the special effects were done.
-When Arwen looks all heavenly, either rave about her beauty and how you want to be like her, or say that she�s an ugly bitch and that Aragorn is all YOURS and she needs to get the fuck away from him.
-When Boromir dies, tell everyone, "Okay! Gandalf isn't dead, but Boromir IS! He's kicked the bucket. He's gone and he ain't comin' back, so get over it."
-Talk openly about your desires for any of the characters. To be even more annoying, talk about an ugly character like Gimli. He's cool, but he ain�t no Legolas.
-Correct Aragorn whenever he says Legolas' name incorrectly.
-Get up in the middle of the movie and say, "Skooze me! I gotta crap!" and then noisily shove through the entire row, apologizing to everyone . As soon as you get to the isle, vociferously realize that you don't really have to crap and it was just a little indigestion from the popcorn and fake butter. Noisily shove through the entire row and back to your seat, apologizing to everyone again. -After this, scream at anyone that dares to get up during this spectacular movie that no one should miss any part of.
-Mimic people's lines. For a better/worse effect, mimic them all incorrectly. -Yell, "Quit groping me, you fucking bitch ass whore slut hand job tit shit porker son of a shitty mother fucking raper bitch orgasmic fuck!!!!!!!" to a person that is no where near you and doesn't even know you.
-When something happens, explain what it's called. A few smart-people terms to use would be climax, foreshadowing, character development, etc.
-Whenever they're in the Moria and the Orcs are chasing them, yell to Legolas, "Run, Legolas, run! Delay the Orcs by trippin' a hobbit! There's four of 'em, so one dead won't make a difference! Get your sexy ass outta there!"
-Scream your head off when Gollum appears.
-Say bless you to everyone that sneezes.
-When someone burps, shout, "You rude son of a bitch! Can't you see we're tryin" to watch a movie here? Jesus Christ, man!"
-Complain about your itchy ass. Then scratch it and moan with pleasure.
-Openly pick your nose and wipe it all over the chair in front of you.
-Gasp and make everyone think that something scary is about to happen when it�s not.
-If you're in front of many people, loudly yawn and stretch, so they can't see the screen.
-Maniacally cackle for no reason and get a freaky look on your face.
-As Frodo and Sam are venturing to Mordor, say, "Don't blink! Don�t blink!" and when the screen turns black call out, "The End!"
-When the movie is over and everyone is leaving, talk about coming back.
If you follow my advice, I can guarantee that you will have the entire theater to yourself or you'll be banned from Malco for eternity.